Hey GC i thought it would be a great idea to get them creative juices flowing and try to make some funny ass limericks. I think theyre funny as hell sometimes man. Ill get it started there once was a man from boston he always smoked bud that was costin' he got real high and to his surprise he realized all his money was lost then. ^-- ok that one wasnt real great. But lets see what you got
It's 2 o'clock in the mornin', but I haven't been able to get any sleep in. So I whip out the tissue and lotion, And, down under, I start a commotion, Till again I am in my bed restin'.
There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini There once was a man Robin Hood Who lived in a Knottingham wood He learned how to f**k from old Friar Tuck And made Marion whenever he could There once was a fellow O'Doole Who found little red spots on his tool His Doctor a cynic said Get out of me clinic, And wipe off that lipstick you fool! A pirate, history relates Was scuffling with some of his mates When he slipped on a cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates There once was a woman named Jill Who swallowed an exploding pill They found her vagina In North Carolina And her tits in a tree in Brazil There once was a plumber from Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming! Said the plumber still plumbing... It's me! A right twisted wench from Caprees-ed Orgasmed each time that she sneez-ed To the druggist she went And laid down her last cent Said, "A barrel of snuff, if you pleas-ed." On the moors Kelly walked in a daze There she'd bark at the moon and the haze Still her friends weren't concerned For by now they had learned Once a month she would go through this phase. (author's note to the ladies: "She was a werewolf. Now is it funny?") A randy marsupial named Reeves Spent some time with the whores 'tween their knees When they'd asked him for money He'd say "Listen honey A koala eats bushes and leaves." Now down in the valley of Shneel Lived a woman who loved to reveal With her curtains well drawn Standing bare as a fawn She'd do this really neat trick with an eel Now this right old man was a sick 'un He had a dozen hen ripe for the pickin' He'd chase 'em around With his trousers pulled down And he'd say "Whatsa matter, you chicken?" A new farmer's helper named Kull Accidentally was milking a bull The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb, You done milked the wrong one!" Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full." Twas a crazy old man called O'Keef Who caused local farmers much grief To their cows he would run Cut their legs off for fun And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!" There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass When he'd bang 'em together They'd play stormy weather And lightning would shoot out of his ass There once was a man from Havana Screwed a girl on a player piano At the height of their fever Her ass hit the lever And Yes he has no banana... There once was a man from East Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent To save her some trouble He folded it double And instead of coming...he went There once was a man from Bonaire Who was doing his wife on the stair When the banister broke He doubled his stroke And finished her off in midair On a knoll a young maiden named Molly Her innocence lost through young folly His name was Sing Chum And too soon he did cum And all he could say was "I'm solly!" A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit "Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?" "Of course not," said the hare, "It's really quite rare!" So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. There was a young tease from Mount Chesser Who'd smile as the men would assess her So flirtatious was she Inviting them home to tea Then allowing not one to undress her To his friend, Ned said, rather blue, "My wife Edith just told me we're through, For she says I'm too fat." And his friend told him that, "You can't have your cake and Edith, too." There once was a girl named Tristan Whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in She said "I don't think," As she spit out her drink, "On the menu that this one was listed." Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle "I don't believe in astrology It's my ideology But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical. I had me a wench from East Broint Who bade me her skin to anoint The girl had arthritis And so I decided She wouldn't mind one more stiff joint.
There once was a man and his name was Jed, He couldn't find a toilet so he did it in the shed, He was wiping it up with a blade of grass, When along came a granny and kicked him in the ass.
There once was a young man named Lancelot, Whom neighbors would look at askance a lot, For whenever he'd pass, A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot.