One day there was a man at work name Ted who hasnt had sex in awhile, so he brings it to his coworker Bill attention. His coworker pulls out a business card and says "this hooker is very good, I see her twice a month. Maybe you should give her a call." So Ted is sitting at home one day feeling horney and lonely, and thinks hell maybe I should give this hooker a call. So Ted calls her up and they agreed to meet at 9:00 that night at the subway. When the Ted meets her by the subway he asks her how much for a hand job and the hooker says "500 dollars". Ted says "500 dollars good lord thats too much for a hand job". Then the hooker says "look over there mother fucker what do you see there". Ted says the Burger King, and the hooker says" yes the burger king, I own that burger king for giving out hand jobs". So Ted does it and it was good. The next day Ted says if her hand jobs is that good, then I wanna see how good her blow jobs is. So he calls the hooker and they meet up and Ted asks her for a blow job and she says "1000 dollars". Ted then says "1000 dollars good lord". The hooker says look over there mother fucker, what do you see there". Ted says the mall, and the hooker says yeah, I own that mall from giving out blow jobs". So Ted paid and it was good. The next day Ted figured if she give good hand jobs and gives great blow jobs then what would she be like in bed. Ted then calls the hooker to meet up one more time and he says how much to sleep with me, and the hooker says "look mother fucker what do you see there". Ted says "the Sears Tower building", and she said "yeah mother fucker and if I had a pussy I would own that too".
Q. What does a catholic priest and a 3rd place olympian runner have in common A. They both come in a little behind.
One day Superman was bored so he figured he would go hang out with his super friends. So he flies down on Batman and asks him if he wanna hang out. Batman says I cant because im solving a case. Bored he then flies down on the Hulk and asks him if he wanna go to the bar and the Hulk say I cant, im working out.He then flies down on the flash and asks if he wanna go fishing, and the flash says I cant, im training for a race. Everybody turns him down so he thinks lets go see what Wonder Woman is doing but as he flies by he sees Wonder Woman on her balcony sun bathing in the nude. Superman says I can just fly down with my super speed, fuck her and then vanish without a trace. So he flies down with his super speed and does his business vroooooooom really fast and then vanishes. With a look of wonder, Wonder woman says "what the fuck was that"? The Invisible Man says "I dont know but my ass is killing me".