I think we need a thread of just long, weird, and sometimes poignantly disgusting jokes, the Aristocrats notwithstanding, we've heard that one.. I'll start. So one day a man walks into a brothel, he's a bit of a heavy guy, about 5'8 180 pounds, and he's trying to lose weight. So he goes up to the Matron and goes "I heard you had a weight loss program here that cost only 20 dollars?" and the Matron replies positively to him, then tells him to go to the second door on the left. He goes in and there's this beautiful brunette in there (I don't like blondes), and on her is a little sign that says "If you catch me, you can fuck me all you want". So, of course he goes about catching her, and he's really working up a sweat this whole time, and eventually he finally catches her and he's lost weight but not only that, got laid! So he comes back about two days later, though this time he only has ten dollars and asks the Matron if they have a discount one, she says this time to go t the first door on the left. This time when he enters the room, he sees an ape with a sign on it that says "If I catch you, I'll fuck you." I have another similar one. So another man guys into the same brothel, he's looking for something dirt cheap, so for five dollars the woman says first door on the right. So he goes in there, and he sees this sheep in there.. And at first he's kind of confused, well after a bit he starts to think, "Damn, that sheep really isn't too bad". And so one disgusting act led to another, and we don't have to get into details, egh. So he comes back a few days later, same as the other man, this time with but a dollar to his name, second door on the right. In the room there's a bunch of guys sitting in chairs looking at a screen and cracking up, on this video screen is a guy fucking a chicken, so he starts having a huge laugh about this, and the man next to him says "Hey, you should've been here a few days ago, there was a guy fuckin a sheep!"
I was thinking the second one while reading the first as if I was going to tell it. I got on though. Three gay guys walk into a bar, there is only one stool left so they look at eachother and decide to rock,paper,scizzor for the stool. Then eventually one of them said, "why don't we just flip it over? We would have room for a new friend aswell."
two brunettes and a blonde escape from a prison and while running across a field see a barn. they decide to hide out in the barn til the sun goes down. as they'r in the barn, they hear 2 cop cars pull up. all thats in the barn are 3 burlap sacks, so they each hide in one. one of the cops opens the door and yells to the other cop still in his car that theres nothing in there but 3 sacks. the cop in the car tells him to check the sacks out so he kicks the one with the first brunnete and she says 'WOOF WOOF!' the cop ls the other in the car that theres nothing in the first one but a dumdog. he kicks the second and the second brunette says 'MEOW MEOW!' again he yells to the other cop this one just has a stupid cat in it. he kicks the third sack and the blonde says 'POTATOES POTATOES!'
a ninety year old woman goes into the hospital to get vaginal reconstructive surgery so her husband can once again feel the tightness of her youth. when she wakes up after surgery, she sees 3 dozen roses next to her bed. she asks the nurse who the flowers are from. the nurse replies that the first bouquet is from her husband for having the surgery. and then second bouquet she asks? those are from the doctor who perofrmned the surgery to thank for having such a clean area for him to work with. and the final dozen? the last bouquet is from a burn victim to thank you for his new ears
a guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but saran wrap. the doctor looks at him and says clearly i can see your nuts
^^ why not put all of those in one post?? What is the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? when you pull your meat out of the fridge it doesnt fart Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
What is te similarity between eating pussy and the mafia? One slip of the tounge, and you are in deep shit
A little boy and a little girl are in a bathtub. The little boy goes, "Daddy, what's that between my sister's legs?" The father replies, "Well, son, that's where God hit her with The Golden Axe." The little boy says, "Wow. He's got good aim. He hit her right in the cunt." A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!." "I don't care, open it now!!," he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!." She looks at him, astonished. "But they're sperm samples." "DO IT," he shouts. So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well," he demands. So the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey, its not that hard."
A black guy, a jew, and a mexican all walk into a bar. The bartender says "get the fuck out of here." No offense intended to anyone.
