Hey Blades So for the past few months I've been experiencing a distressing and increasing inability to articulate myself in social situations or basically communicate with others at length. I have no problem initiating a conversation with small talk but then I just sort of peter out and run out of things to say. I've noticed this problem becoming more pronounced over the past few months and now I'm essentially withdrawn most of the time. This is increasingly frustrating because it is essentially ruining potential relationships with women. I started seeing a very cool girl in early September and we just broke it off, basically because I couldn't communicate with her openly (she was too nice to say it, but this was obviously the reason). Things were great when we first met but after a few weeks I felt an emotional divide between us and started feeling incredibly awkward in her presence. I feel like I'm very good at meeting and first getting to know people, but then I can't sustain the relationship beyond that point. I've always been a bit shy, but could overcome it with enough diligence. The difference now is that I'm starting to feel intellectually and emotionally incapable of relating to people or communicating with them. I just feel a chasm form that I can't quite bring myself to cross. I can feel this happening and yet I feel powerless to stop it. This is happening with my friends and coworkers as well as romantic interests. It's beginning to have a very noticeable effect on my life. Any thoughts or suggestions, fellow blades?
Dude I’m antisocial as shit. Honestly people skills need to be developed like any other skill. The best way, at least I feel is just ask questions, look people in the eye, and get good at remembering names. Listen diligently for a “jumping off point” (something to ask a question about) and that can branch off into its own conversation. They’re just people, overthinking situations and conversations was a big problem for me, it may be the same for you but maybe not
I've always been a little on the shy side but was able to overcome it with the techniques you mention. The difference now is that I feel like any social interaction or minute conversation is super draining. It's almost as though I have to overcome a language barrier in order to carry a two minute conversation. This has never been this large a problem and it's worrying me. Thanks man! It HAS been a long time.
What’s changed in past few months? Loss of a loved one or some other great change? Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
When you have a conversation with somebody, there are transitional roles that are constantly taking place; for example, when I speak, I am dictating your role in the conversation, as well as mine, that being, you are the listener, I am the speaker. Once this ends, the transition begins, where I become the listener and the other person becomes the speaker. Often, when people get to know each other, they experience times when they either A) Are silent, meaning both wish to be dictated their roles or B) Both try to dictate each others role, by speaking at once and accompanied by that, do not listen to what each other are saying, but rather, wait for their turn to dictate the conversation. Having this dictation with women, is difficult, because... Women, just want you to listen; they want you to submit to them in conversation, but dictate to them in romance. Most men, do not think this way, but rather, think in absolutes; they think that I will submit to her in conversation and romance or, I will dominate her in conversation and romance and these results end up with most men being either "Pussies" or "Clingy". So, literally, all you need to do, is shut the fuck up and ask her to fuck later... However, understand, that the conversation part, is more important than the sexual part, but also understand that if you allow her to dominate you in conversation, she will do just that and you will just end up being her conversation piece, or in the friend zone.. Assert your sexual need early, but before doing so, fulfill her need to dominate you in conversation. There are... A lot of women, who are not going to openly communicate with you, until you have sex with them and once you do have sex with them, that is when you will need to submit to them and be the listener... Most men, find this type of communication to be too personal, because there is a lot of pressure for you to open up to her, since she has given you what you wanted, but now has.. Come to collect what she wants. Most of us associate this with a relationship and it.. Usually comes faster than we want it too, but she put herself on the line for you, so, you have to do the same. Lastly, anything you tell her, she will then pass, literally verbatim, to her friends and if her friends do not like what you are saying to her, game over... This is not always fair, because most women just use each other, as well as their friends partners, by association, but the acceptance and respect of her friends is WHY she is dating you.. She is telling her friends, "This is what I am worth!" and then pointing at you... It is actually nuts when you think about it.
I have MS , RA or Fibro depending on the doctor you ask, regardless my neurological system is all jacked, and I have very much the same problems in dealing with social interactions. Ive never been a real social person, not shy by any means though, but since getting sick there is something which keeps the words from flowing from my brain to my tongue. Its torn my marriage to shreds. I feel for you amigo, unfortunately I dont have much in the way of suggestions. The one thing which seems to carry me through is my "hippy speedballs", good herb chased with an energy drink. The caffeine boost seems to help me focus when I really need to break through that communication barrier.