Depression

suprisingly, i am talking about that complete inability for happiness. i mentioned fascination because its the only way out. in my experience, i get that feeling where nothing feels right no matter what, and the only way to feel any different is to become fascinated. it feels fucked up and purposless for like five minutes, then im like, "whoa mind blown! gotta keep on reading!" or "woah what a nice sunny bike ridin day!". i dont know how exactly to tell you i know the exact feeling you mentioned, but i do. the conclusion that i came to a while back is that to be happy, you have to be willing to be happy. you have to be willing to enjoy the things you love, even if you have to force it for the first five minutes or so.

 

My Mum killed herself because of her depression. It is very much a real thing and if someone said something like what in my presence then I would fucking pulverize them.

 

I feel you hear homie. I had such negative thoughts at one time all day couldn't get them out of my head and it gave me tons of anxiety which led to depression. Smoking made it way worse for me and I had to take a 4 month break to get over all of my problems. I'd like to give you a list of the things I did and I really hope this helps you:

1. Point out you're having this negative thought
2. The problem you seem to be having is that your brain gets a negative thought and starts replaying it over and over while it gets worse and worse. You need to manually switch thoughts. By this you just have to accept that it's a thought, and it's not you and get over it and think of something new.
3. Next get completely focused on your new thought
4. Tell yourself I am to good for these thoughts and it isn't me (positive self talk is really helpful).

Also this is just like meditation. The more you do it, the better you get at stopping. Do not just give in and let these thoughts torture you. If you practice this every time and a lot soon after just a couple weeks you can be significantly better.

Lastly, the way these thoughts start is by another thought slowing going towards more negative thoughts. An example would be someone doing something stupid and getting really caught up on it till they get lots of anxiety and over worry. When you get good at stopping these thoughts then you have to stop them before they start.

I know exactly where you're coming from if you need anything just message me if you need anything or any more help on your depression, cause no one deserves these fucked up thoughts that ruin your day.

 

[quote name='"JamestheFreak"']Quit being such a whining bitch, depression isn't even a real thing.

Name-Calling/Disrespect is not allowed here. - KSR[/quote]

Man I used to say that...anyone who says that has never been depressed.

It's like this chamber of constant thought and sadness that there is no way to get out of. There's always a secret key though and no one on here can tell you what's going to unlock the chamber but something will. Until then just for the love of god don't let go. It always gets better.

When I was depressed I HATED when people said that it always gets better because I thought 'how could it? Nothing's wrong per say with my life. I've been like this for over a year and nothing's changed so why would it ever?' but it truely always changes. I had the weirdest and probably worst experience of my life and my depression disappeared. It's weird as fuck but it did. You never know what will save you, but you can be sure something will.

If anyone on here ever wants to talk or whatever just pm me. I've been there and I would love to help.

 

today in psychology class i heard an interesting quote, i don't remember who said it but it went like this: "Absence of pain is not happiness." I never really thought about it but it's totally true, and i think it kind of describes what's been happening to me lately. Like I said i've been trying to get my shit together like at school and it's been pretty succesful, but to my chagrin it didn't seem to affect my emotional state at all. and i guess that quote is why. i fixed some of the things that were bothering me but i still have nothing to be happy about. i don't even know how to be happy, or what makes me happy. and i don't know how to find out either since when you're feeling like this nothing seems enjoyable anyway.

as i said before i used to chill downstairs every night for hours, playing xbox, surfing the web, whatever. and then i started getting really depressed whenever i was down there at night, but relaxing in my room with the lights on, watching tv and stuff seemed okay. but today it feels like that's not working anymore. i think the novelty of it wore off. now tv just seems boring again and i just feel that same empty feeling and now i have absolutely no idea what to do about it.

 

Had to put one of our dogs down today. Had her all growing up. She was really deteriating and I know what we did is best but I wish more than anything I could continue to care for her the rest of my life. It's harder because I really don't know what to believe about after life. Year by year my family gets ripped away from me and I don't want to have to endure losing other one whom have been there with me from the beginning. That dog was not a pet. She was a well respected family member.

I felt this should be told to someone. I got no friends to share my pain with. And I know it seems I am depressed about my dog, which I am. But I found it appropriate to post here. I have been diagnosed with depression since the 7th grade. I deny suicidal thoughts to everyone every year even though they have consumed my mind from the beginning and I was even ready to die before than as a little girl due to health problems and surgeries. I remember one where I thought for sure I was going to die. That was back in elementary. I'm still alive though I have tried to die, I say I want to die outloud to myself many times a day all day when I'm alone and have to quickly stop myself from saying it when people are around. I wander around searching for something better but better never comes. I have been on and off medications because I refuse to feel like I need drugs to control my emotions yet my mother continued to make me. Why do I always have to be fixed with one thing then to another when there are so many healthy and happy people out there? One secret I have no one knows is I'm done with surgeries and everything. I'm going to let my body run out of fuel like a car and be done. Its kinda graphic but I had a lump in my breast and I became overwhelmed with joy at the prospect that I can finally die. Sadly it's not cancer. I researched it.

So that doesn't really cover the reasons for my depression, that grasscity is to complicated and sensitive of a story to openly tell everyone. I could give anyone part of my story and not even cover the bare minimum.

 

that really sucks. losing a loved one is about the hardest thing you can endure, whether it's a person or a pet. i've always been way too overly emotional for a guy, and get way too attached to things, even inanimate objects.. sometimes i think i'm going to be one of those hoarder people because of it. I've lost pets before and it hurts so much. I never had a dog or cat though since i'm allergic...but i always wondered how devastating that would be compared to say, a gerbil or some fish. right now i have a ferret and i love her so so much, but just about every day i think about how much it's going to hurt when she goes, and honestly i worry if i'll even be able to handle it. especially if i'm in a really depressed state then like i am now.

i know what you mean about the suicidal thoughts and being ready for death all too well though. as far as i can remember i don't think i've ever told anyone about suicidal thoughts either. it just doesn't really seem like the kind of thing i want to go around telling everyone. and quite honestly, the fact that i could choose to end it at any time is one of the few things that keeps me going. in a way it's kind of like the one thing that keeps me free. i probably would have done it years ago if i wasn't so scared, which by the way does not make me feel any better. I never told anyone about it because i feared they would put me in some kind of institution or something, where i wouldn't be able to end it if i wanted to. losing my freedom in that way is one of my, if not my greatest fear.

i've viewed this thoughts as almost a blessing sometimes though. like i won't say that it's 100% but i've almost lost all fear of death, and honestly i find that to be a good thing. and i'm not just saying that either...once me and my friend were driving home on a deserted highway out in the middle of nowhere (he was driving). somehow or other it came up that i had no fear of death. he didn't believe me. we're going like 70 on this highway with no railings or anything. so he lets go of the wheel and we started drifting, we might have hit the grass but i'm not sure. i guess he was just waiting for me to freak and grab the wheel..but i just sat back and closed my eyes. then he grabbed the wheel and didn't say anything else. it was quite a proud but also disturbing moment for me..

 

@ Sunn: I totally agree, that's a pretty intense story. I think the love people share with their pets is the same no matter the size or species. I have loved animals of all sizes but I think it gets harder the larger the animal because it's such a larger body not something that can covered with a cloth or whichever. See I've also had to put down my fathers 31 year old horse last July and it was hard to see such a large being die. But then I've had my sisters pet rat die and she was equally as devastated. I also related with you because my sister has now a pet ferret but he's a boy.

I would like to say I would easily be able to take my own life but I have tried and not succeeded and sometimes I feel like my body is unnaturally durable like I'm damned to live weather I like it or not. Things happen to hurt me painfully but manage to not ever present the opportunity for death. Plus I don't wish for a painful death I fear it actually. Sometimes my biggest fear is someone tourchering me to death along side with the fear like you of being thrown into the madhouse.

Your story was intense but I can believe it. That is crazy though I can just picture it. I would like to say I would do the same thing but probably I would scream and if that didn't make them grab the wheel then I would go for the wheel. Like I said I fear a painful death. But I guess it is in me to do nothing, cause once me and my friend (or use to be) where going down a busy road near the big city and she was driving. We where coming up on a red light that had cars stopped in all the lanes but ours and as we approached we never slowed down. It came up so fast that I didn't really have time to register what to do all I knew was shit was about to go down. So I shot down low in the passenger seat I'm not sure why I just did. After we passed the light at full speed we instantly heard the sound of the crash. Fortunately we where just shoved really hear and ended up spinning and spinning all over the intersection. We never rolled fortunately but the her car was totaled but the other drivers was not. But ya pretty fucked up day we where not badly hurt.

 

yeah i would agree with you that losing any kid of pet is pretty much just as hard. i've had a bird, gerbils, fish, and now my ferret. even the fish hurt after you've had them for months. the thing with dogs is that they have a lot more human traits than say, a fish. i've never experienced it firsthand since ive never had one but i know how it is. i always figured that would be the hardest.

i kinda forgot to mention that a huge reason i've never tried to kill myself was that fear that i might not succeed, and definitely be thrown in a madhouse then...and also the pain involved. i've spent plenty of time trying to plan out the perfect way, and i think i have the answer...but i'd rather not discuss it.

that story about the crash is crazy though..i've never experienced anything like that. the closest i've ever come to death was probably when i almost fel into the flooded creek behind my house as a kid, raging waters and all, and i couldn't swim back then. but there was one tree completely isolated with no trees on either side of it for like 30 feet. and i just happened to fall right into that tree, and the banks were so steep by friend had to find a huge stick and pull me up.

but running full speed through a red light...that's on another level. i'm not sure what i would have done if i was in your situation. i probably woud have instinctively yelled out or something...you definitely have lots of resolve. this may sound weird given the subject matter we've just been discussing but i am glad to hear that nobody was seriously hurt

 

Yes dogs seem to have more easily defined humanistic traits though they can be found in any animal. I seem to for a different relationship for each individual pet because they each make me feel different or make me happy in a different way but the love is on the same level for them all.

Not succeeding in death is truely awful. And that's what probably stopped many people before. I would probably shoot myself in the head haha not sure about your method.

Flood are scary I can totally get what you went through. So many possible out comes yet limited ways people can help you. I wish I could say the possibility of death has only happened to me once but so often I'm dancing with death weather I realize it or can help it or not. I had several near death experiences yet death has always pretended to rip it away from me only to hand it right back and say 'i was just kidding'.

As for the car accident I wish I knew why I acted the way I did it was pure instinct and later I was sort of mad at her for putting me in the situation let alone apologize for it. She never did she was just to concerned about herself refused the ambulance drive then made her boyfriend take her to the hospital with me so they could prescribe her vicoden. I never got drugs nor felt the need for them. She called me a drug addict for smoking weed even though she would smoke with me and then start popping vicoden and say she's not addicted and then go and drink all night. Haha where not friends anymore. Not really sure what you mean by having resolve but I take it as a good thing.

 

Damn i hate people like that...my friend is/was kinda the same way, for awhile whenever we would blaze he would get all judgemental and go on about the problems weed causes and how he has 'memory loss' and shit. and would laugh when i said i would love to keep smoking weed the rest of my life. the whole time all i could think was how much of a hypocritical asshole he was being since he was smoking with me at the moment. basically, people that can't take their own advice suck.

having near death experiences like that must be crazy though. i imagine it would change you a lot. i can't say i've ever gone through anything like that...even when i almost fell in that stream it never really occured to me what might happen if i actually fell in, my only thoughts were pretty much focused on "fuck, i don't wanna fall in there." but i was only a kid then and i guess i had a narrow focus compared to what i might think about something like that now.

and yeah the resolve was a good thing lol, i meant it seems like you're really committed to your own beliefs. i don't know if that makes sense. like in other words you know what you want out of life.

 

I see how people are depressed, lots
of people really have it bad and have reasons to be depressed, but it pisses me off when people claim to be depressed over stupid superficial shit, some people just need to grow
up. and when people whine about how bad their lives are when other people had it much worse, this girl I knew in highschool tried to kill herself because she was so stressed out with grades and certain people not liking her and boy problems and she was one of the hottest girls in the grade, I'm like bitch you are an attractive white girl that goes to a 20,000 a year private school and you think you have it bad.

 

^i hate that perspective, i really do. you don't have control over what depresses you. and it's never just caused by one thing. it's a culmination of all the negative aspects of your life. that's why usually very happy and succesful people get sad when something bad happens but don't enter a clinical depressed state. and anyway, if you got really depressed (or maybe you are, i don't know), there are probably people who will tell you you're just stressing over stupid shit too. it's all subjective. just because someone has problems you think are insignificant there is no reason that that means those problems aren't significant to that person. everyone is different.

 

I've found this to be an extremely poisonous mindset. I used to think this way and it only led me into a deeper depression. Just sayin'

 

yeah basically having that mindset means that only one person in the entire world should be allowed to be depressed. like i said, each person experiences their problems differently and that girl was just as depressed as someone who for example has parents addicted to drugs and no money and such.

 

Yes I would have to side with Sunn here. likely something was happening that was not public knowledge. I knew this one really quiet girl but she was so cool and I kept prying at her as to why she was depressesed. She finally told me about her terrible home life about how her mother hates her, her dad uses her as a house maid and they really did treat her like shit but she covered it so well at school. Anyway point being that it's easy to not get the whole story. Everyone reacts to every situation differently and often times people's sadness are partly because if how people around them treat them. It's a sad frame of mind to think the person just needs to buck up and get over it cause it's not bad. Instead of judging her you should just let her live her life or try and get to know her and brighten her life up a bit hopefully. You don't even need to talk always about what's making her sad try and get her thinking about something else to get her mind off. Careful people who are not in the mood to have fun are likely not going to have fun no matter how hard you try. It's best to just focus on other interests or goals or talk about your future. Many depressed people just want to have someone who cares and Just because of how lucky they appear or how much they have doesn't mean they don't have a right to be sad. Millionaires get depressed to.

 

Come on man. Depression can be crippling and it's really hard to get out of the mindset that it traps you in. Don't be so ignorant.

 

[quote name='"vaheb"']Negative thoughts for days, months, on end..

Not able to focus on anything, especially schoolwork or even on one straight thought.. it's the only thing you can think about. There's no escaping. I live a good life but when I'm in my private quarters, it's a world of grief and pure sadness.

No psychologist can help, No plan on taking any man-made medication, I think to myself, "Is everyday going to be like this for the rest of my life?" I tear up at times, for no reason..I just wish I could be normal.[/quote]

I'm telling you right now man it us possible to overcome it. With critical thinking studies show that you can actually become smarter with depression. It runs through my family and I lost my father to suicide. It is all about growing spiritually as a person. You need to be evolving and always trying new things. Nobody said it would be easy but if you do not give up you can find a way trust me, I did.