Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by vaheb, Mar 12, 2012.

  1. my mom has had "clinical depression" since before i was born. she took meds until recently. she used to be suuuuuuuch a bitch when she was on them. its because those things increase seratonin and dopamine, and when you pump somone with problems with happy chemicals, it does not actually make them happy. it usually makes them angry and belligerent. it makes them just positive enough to be angry instead of sad. you hear about people going into their schools and workplaces and shooting up the place and shit like that? if you look into it, nearly all of them were on anti-depressants. many many brutal murders of all kinds.

    why pick the lesser of two evils? why pick evil at all when there are other choices? i understand you advocate these meds because you saw them help your dad, but there are so many more anti depressant horror stories to the very few success stories, i am more inclined to focus on the horror stories.

    i've been "diagnosed" a few times by a few different "medical professianals". i bet those pills would've made me forget about alot of stuff and just move through life, but why would anyone wanna do that? it used to be that i would wake up with my skin crawling and a sense of impending doom. every atom in every object was hideous. every face was impossible to look at. im glad i thought, and acted those feelings away. now when they come back, which they always do, i know exactly what to do. when a person takes meds, it becomes their plan of action to rid themselves of the "depression". i dont doubt that ur dad is better now, but if he somehow fell back into a funk, would he know what to do without the meds?
  2. #62 Tosh., Mar 14, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2012
    that's interesting... i just recently started taking an anti-depressant for about a week. And iv been nothing but sad before it because my GF cheated on me and left me for him, and basically hooked up with him the day we split. It really brings me to tears every time i think about it and how someone you love so much and you thought they loved you back... but they hurt you like they hate you.

    But now im taking anti-depressants and i get so fucken angry in my head.... i start to think about beating the shit out of the dude... i just pump myself up and start to say im not going to take this shit anymore. idk its weird, because i was just so sad, and now i just want to fucken tear someone up if they disrespect me in anyway. Could it really be the anti depressants that make me so angry? im usually a chill person but my moods can change once i become depressed.
  3. It seems we both are a little biased because of our past encounters with meds, I'm sorry for my arrogance in the last post. I'm glad you got out of your funk without the use of meds.

    That is actually a good question and it's crossed my mind more than a few times. He's gone through a similar situation when I was younger and he got out of it without the use of medication. He was good for a long time until my mom left him, then the shit hit the fan and he started drinkin and it just got exponentially worse from there.

    I couldn't really tell you if he'd know how to get out of his funk without meds, I can say that I believe he'd be much worse off without it. When he was in the depths of depression he never seemed to make progress. He didn't start taking the pills and become instantly happy, it was about a 6 month process. He is heading into retirement so the chance for drastic change in his life is pretty small, and that's what seems to trigger it. I'd also like to note that his second time going into depression was severely worse than the first.
  4. Who knows, the drug could be a catalyst for your anger. There are so many different brands and everyone reacts to things differently.

    I think anger is also a pretty natural reaction to that kind of situation. Sorry things didn't work out, stay strong man.

    *edit* Grammarz
  5. i think right now i'm more depressed than i ever have been before...which i really did not think was possible. but lately shit's been happening that never really happened to me before. for example for the last week or two, i can't stay downstairs at night or I feel too bad. I still live with my parents because i fucked up my future, and they are like the closest thing i have to friends anymore...once they go upstairs to bed now, and i'm sitting downstairs in the dark and in total silence, i just feel like shit. it never used to bother me, in fact it was my favorite. the only thing i can do is go upstairs and chill in my room with the lights on, on my laptop, watching tv, etc. until i eventually get tired enough to sleep. If i stay downstairs i get this really horrible feeling and i can't tell if it's boredom, loneliness, sadness, or all of the above. i guess that's real depression and i just forgot what it feels like.

    seems like different things trigger it now than before though, and it feels a lot worse than i remember. just the other day me and a couple friends went into the city to buy some weed, and we wanted to chill afterwards but as usual we cant since we have no money and nowhere to chill. then it hit me that i would just go home to a lonely quiet house and the same shit would happen. then i got really depressed while still in the car with my friend and i didn't know what to do..

    for the past week or so i've been taking 5-htp but honestly as far as i can tell it has made no difference.

    i started really feeling like i was spiralling into depression a month ago or so, when school was going bad again, i had like no friends left, etc etc. i started getting my shit together at school, started trying to improve my habits like keeping a normal schedule, going outside and doing stuff, whatever. felt like i was feeling better at first but then i started getting those really depressive moods that come out of nowhere.

    i dont know if there was a point to this post. i kinda lost my train of thought but usually writing out long things like this makes me feel better, so yeah.
  6. its good to write/type stuff down. it helps me out, iv posted in this thread a couple of times and its helped me out just getting my thoughts in order and even seeing poeple reply back to me.

    this may not help but just do your best at following what makes you feel better. get some exercise, try and be social without getting anxiety ect. and if you think about it, it could always be way worse. everybody goes through a different journey in their lives, you are the one who controls your life, and you can do whatever you want in that life.:wave:
  7. i gotta be honest, i hate that 'it could be worse' line. like yeah, it could, but it's not like i shouldn't deserve to be upset when my life is horrible. i can't even do whatever i want in this life, i made too many mistakes as a stupid kid and now the future i should be able to reach is all but impossible.
  8. @sunn

    i feel your pain, a lot of what you typed describes my situation. sometimes i just think like, fuck it, these times will pass also. i've had some really shitty times and those times are over. so naturally this is just something that i'll have to deal with until it passes. sometimes that gets me feeling alright. music helps as well but not always, it can be overwhelming sometimes.

    i started therapy, only one session so far. i guess we'll see where it takes me. one thing i do know is i'm not taking any pills no matter how much they tell me it'll help.
  9. the thing is, i've been depressed so long that i've given up all hope of it just 'passing'. so it sucks when i try to make all these positive changes and it seems to have no effect. yeah music can be okay but like you said it can be overwhelming. and when you get really depressed nothing seems enjoyable anyway. also this is kind of unrelated but to be totally honest i feel like listening to so much music on various drugs has made music almost boring to me, but that's a different story lol.

    i'm thinking i really need to do some therapy too. it's been suggested for years but for whatever reason i never did it. my parents always wanted me to do it but never really brought it up, because i guess they wanted to be considerate and let me deal with things my own way. but i think maybe they should have just forced me into it because i can't seem to do it myself.

    i was like you though, always sure i would never start taking any pills, but lately i've started to reconsider because, well, at this point it's like 'fuck it, why not?'. I figure if i think i don't like where i'm going i could just stop them after like a week before i get really dependent on them.

  10. i am no wiseman, but i can tell you what i do for myself, cus im a huuuuge bummer and some of my methods might apply to you. i have the tendency to become upset for mysterious reasons or no reason at all, and its probly gonna be like that forever. i feel better when i think of somthing that fascinates me, like astronomy. i am still sad in the back of my mind, but as long as im fascinated its bearable. if you are constantly fascinated with somthing or the other, and perhaps adopt some kind of ongoing mission, you will forget your sadness. for a bit. then it will come back for who knows how long. you may never be entirely happy, but in my opinion those moments of fascination and wonder make the sadness bearable.

    i still object to you using meds. i can tell you have a good mind. those things change people. make them apathetic. sedated. not the same person. would you not rather consciously suffer than be blissfully unaware?
  11. Wow sunn, I feel like im goin threw the same shit to.. used to get bad ass anxiety back when I was 15, and it just got so bad throught Junior year that I turned to opiates to numb the pain.. here I am 20 years old and just dropped outta college and went to rehab for a bit.. And now im stuck at home with my family, the only people I really got.. If it wasnt for them id be dead right now, no joke.. Im 4 months clean from the junk but my deppresion/ocd/anxietys still fucking terrible.. FML:mad::(:smoke:
  12. #72 giraffe, Mar 17, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2012
    Diagnosed with bipolar bullshit about 5 years ago and been on all sorts of shitty meds. They dont work.

    I dont blaze anymore and ive found it helps to an extent.

    This past week i skipped all my classes and only hung out once with my only friend.

    The sad part is i enjoy the alone time (most of the time) and im getting scared that i will eventually have no friends.
    My advice to all of you is healthy diet and exercise. And keep some friends around. And get a dog

    Ps. Dont even think about suicide. My cousin died last year and i cant even begin to tell u how much i miss her. I used to have suicidal thoughts etc. But now i know it doesnt solve anythinf.
  13. #73 Sunn, Mar 17, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2012
    man i can't find myself able to agree with that ^. I will not accept that i'm going to just be unhappy forever. It's not normal and it's nothing something we should just accept. I just haven't figured out how to fix it yet...but I will.

    I know what you mean about fascinating things though. Sometimes i get lost reading articles on wikipedia or watching random youtube videos for hours. But the problem is when you're really depresed those kinda things aren't interesting anymore...nothing is.

    edit: ok that was @ 2 posts above. yeah i feel you guys above me...i got a great act score in high school, and should be going to a school like northwestern or something, but i was always a problem child and never did homework and shit. i have a great memory and learn things really quick so i never took notes either. i never had any motivation to do homework because i already knew all the stuff just from paying attention in class, so it just seemed like a big waste of time. and i would get a's and b's on tests so i'm not just spewing bullshit either. but obviously my grades still sucked.

    so here i am, at community college. i'm 21 now, this is my third year there. my problem from high school switched from not doing homework to not going to class to begin with, and even now i still struggle with it even after everything ive been through and knowing how stupid it is. i hardly have anything to show for the past 3 years. just wasting away my life and ruining my future more and more every day. i'm thinking of checking out devry or ITT tech, i spend most of my time on computers and took an AP java class in high school which i aced. for some reason i never wanted a career related to computers though, but now that's what i'm thinking. i spend most of my time at a computer anyway so i might as well get paid for it. thing is, those schools are expensive and given my track record i have a hard time believing my parents would be willing to pay for them.

    i also stoppe blazing for the most part, it's definitely better this way. there were times in the past when i was going through a depressed phase where smoking didnt seem as effective but it was always nice at least. but lately it doesn't help at all, and more often than not it makes me feel guilty/sad/anxious.

    i'm pretty much at the no friends stage, throughout high school i pretty much had none but it was more bearable since i was at school with everyone all day every day. senior year i got in with a group of like 10 people though...but after high school ended most of them moved away, and those of us who stayed here drifted apart until i only had 2 friends left. this year one of them transfered off to school though, and the other is focusing hard on work and school and i was never as tight with him anyway, so we never really talk or chill much. i thought i'd be alright with having no friends since ive been there done that, but it really sucks lol. and it's like even if i could make new friends (i cant), there's no one around to relate to. anyone i would wanna talk to about computers and shit like that is off learning to be an engineer or something, not to mention everyone at my college now is like just out of high school and i feel like i'm not even a part of the same age group as them anymore.
  14. Im about to take a T break.. shits hard tho, need atleast one substance in my life :rolleyes:
  15. #75 giraffe, Mar 17, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2012
    [quote name='"Thai"']Im about to take a T break.. shits hard tho, need atleast one substance in my life :rolleyes:[/quote]

    Substitute exercise for bud and you'll be good. AND you'll have a fit body.
  16. did anyone else almost shed a tear while reading this?
  17. i just edited my post on the last page guys, its kinda long lol. i get carried away when writing about things i'm passionate about..i love writing.

  18. well alright, but know this. life is a permanent state of toil. nobody ever has exactly what they want. we are all bound to desire. we all have bodies that hurt, and feelings that hurt. we all live in a world that we can depend on to dissappoint us and bring us misfortune. even the happiest people have to confront these facts. everybody returns to their misery eventually. if you hate your misery and refuse to accept it as a part of you, you will come to hate it more and more, and it will hurt you more and more.

    also, i dont know if you already have one, but having a really serious purpose in life will help banish your misery. it doesnt even have to be totally realistic. for instance, ive started plans to carve a giant message to future generations into the rocky mountains. i am convinced that this is an extremely important thing to do. i am convinced that the world needs me. when the world needs you, its hard to be sad.

    i aint trying to argue or be preachy, i just think that you have an awsome mind, and i dont like the thought of an awsome mind being hindered by sadness.
  19. i think you're getting the wrong idea, obviously there will always be problems in everyone's life, but misfortunes and disappointments are quite different than a total inability to feel happiness from things that you know you should be enjoying. being sad and being depressed are two completely different things.

    anyway i know what you mean about the purpose in life thing, its kinda like how a lot of old people end up getting jobs at retail stores and stuff even though they dont necessarily need the money. but they just want to feel needed.

    and i appreciate that you think i have a great mind...i hate coming off as arrogant but i know i have a great mind too which is why i want to do something that makes use of my abilities...i don't want to become a plumber and go home and think about astrophysics in my spare time... my great purpose in life is to use my mind to solve problems and help others, but academia has deemed me 'stupid'. fuck the education system, for real. grades are a joke.
  20. #80 get higher, Mar 17, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2012
    hey bro, I don't know your whole situation but what might help is saving up to travel to change your life up abit or join some kind of volunteer job that gives you the opportunity to travel, say somewhere like bangkok, combodia, or anywhere in the Bahamas? Exploring the world may help.

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