Depression sucks.

Discussion in 'General' started by InferiorZone, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. I went through a thing with smoking dust about 3 years ago. It didn't last but I did it. I stopped because I went through the scariest trip of my life and it was a wrap. My sister tells me that's why I'm all fucked up now, because of the dust I smoked but I don't know. I'm nearing my 30's now and I've never been through any kind of shit like this. This anxiety thing is very new to me and being that I started my zoloft yesterday I feel more fidgety at times, other times I'm relaxed. I read about depersonalization and I can say I don't think I have that. That's probably way more intense than what I'm feeling.
    I still have to take my klonopin at night though. Its only 0.5mg but I feel like once nighttime comes, I start feeling anxious and klonopin just makes everything so much better.
    And this fear of not being able to breath I think stems from coke. I used to mess with coke really bad, back when I experimented with dust but I liked coke way better. I remember coming down and trying to make myself go to sleep regardless if it meant laying under my covers for hours I forced myself to do it. Not knowing any better I would go through the drip in which everything would pass down from my nose to my throat and that would throw me into a frenzy. I felt like I would choke - I would get up and blow my nose real hard until it was clear for the next 10 mins to than have to repeat. Having been diagnosed with anxiety now because I freaked out over an upper respiratory infection makes me think about back than and it depresses me even more. I have tremendous issues dealing with past experiences.

    LivingaLife - You are so right. I know this is all in my mind and I'm driving myself fucking crazy. I just wish I knew what brought this all on, like it literally just happened overnight. I love your post! Going to print it out and post it on my fridge and force myself to read it everyday. I have to be constantly reminded "not to buy into the whole loser mindset." Thanks for that post!
     

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