Ive been struggling on and off with depression since I was 14. Its kinda hard to explain but here goes. I sometimes just feel in a slump I guess is the way to explain it. I just feel like Im wasting my life away and Im gonna be nothing for the rest of my life. I get emotionally distant to pretty much everyone like no one gets me I guess Im just differently wired than everyone else. I really wana be a rapper (please please dont judge me) and it just seems foolish not to try to make it big and be someone. No matter how dumb and unreasonable it sounds itll never happen if you dont atleast give it your best shot. I dont wana be that guy that mr average joe that works 9 to 5 at ikea looking back wishing and praying for another chance to do it all over just once and wondering what could have been. Lady wise dont get me started. Ive never had a serious girlfriend and Ive only had sex once. Ive kinda been textin this girl and asked her to chill and blaze a few time but has been busy. Idk if shes making up exuses or not but I wouldnt doubt it Im pretty bad when it comes ladies I wish there was just one that was like me and dont say shes out there cause I heard it all before and well ive searched and waited with no luck. I really only want just one girl that gets me and likes me for me. People do die alone and thats probly the scariest thing that runs through my mind. Im absolutely terriefied of the thought. Religion wise I was born and raised a catholic but Ive been agnostic since 14 and about a year ago Ive denounced my faith completely I just dont see any reason to believe at all I feel stupid anytime I try and turn to the bible. The worst part of it all nobody knows im like this. I usally dont show a lot of emotion even though I feel like my lifes in shambels. Dont say it could be worse cause depression is something you dont understand until it hits you and I wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. Thanks if you read this whole thing and someone please give me some advice cause idk why Im like this or how to make it stop.