Depression advice needed

You don't need weed to enjoy life. If you can accept that then you can move forward. The answer is meditation, 15 minutes a day, watch your thoughts drift by in a detached, casual manner without resisting any thoughts. Go into meditation expecting to have a clearer mind. Certain ideas will pass your mind that will catch your attention more than others, let's call them strong impulses. Follow those impulses that feel good, even if it's just taking a nap, washing the dishes.

Because these impulses will lead you to be at the right place at the right time and receive the right thing, relationship, information or whatever it is that is valuable to you at this stage of your life.

after meditation you have the rest of the day to dedicate your mind to thinking thoughts of self-worth and appreciation. Start with appreciating anything, like the sun, the blue sky. Once you get on a roll you'll feel the excitement building, maybe even start smiling or laughing. When you take action from this happy place we call it "inspired action". This will always guide you in the right direction.

Focus/attention is your biggest currency, and like-attracts-like. Focus on what feels good and you will have more to feel good about. Notice what you do not like, but instead of hammering on it by continually thinking and talking about it use it to frame a vision of what you want instead. Be happy where you are and know what your future preferences are without losing your present happiness. This is the way of moving forward.

 

How old are you?

 

I strongly agree with the meditation, which now has mainstream psychology acceptance.
That, plus sleeping well might fix lots of stuff. Try an indica edible at night, but this is all trial and error.
Also, consider a vegan diet, or at least 90%+ vegan.

 

Take really good care of yourself. Eat right, stay hydrated, get some exercise, even a walk outdoors once or twice a day. Meditation and relaxation tapes are good. Sometimes I just lay on the couch with music I like playing, and just relax. I started smoking like you- my friends turned me on as I was drinking too much alcohol. It's tough not having anyone to share your problems with, try starting a diary/journal. It don't think it's much about figuring out why you are the way you are, but figuring out how you want to be from now on and concentrating on getting there. Good luck, mate.

 

I don't know about astral and all that... But yes, when you meditate you focus your attention on your breathing or on a ticking clock or some ambient sound in the room, whatever feels best for you. The goal of mediating like this would be to hear the voice of God directing you via your emotions and ideas that feel good. Cycling in nature will definitely work as long as you do no reflect on things that makes you feel bad. The goal of life is to find God/joy in every moment.
So I don't just meditate by focusing on my breathing. I also jog, do body weight strength exercises, walk, even reading, and watching movies have an uplifting effect.
It all comes down to how you you feel when you focus on a certain person, thing, thought, activity or whatever.
Let your emotions guide you. Have you never heard a successful person say 'I just did it for the joy/fun'.

Pleasure feel free to chat with me. This interaction has been good.

 

What you find out when you explore your inner awareness... you find out your entire waking life is a meditation... when you wake up from sleep you instantly go into meditation... meditation is your awareness... just be present in your waking time and that is the meditation= to be present in your mind, body and soul... open access to inner awareness drops all confusion and you just Know like faith
edit-- and this practice makes you extremely happy in your own skin as you are All There... the complete opposite of not being in there, looking out at the world unhappy etc...

 

Spiritual goals?

Much more to life than things and continuous happiness.

Ride the lows with gusto.