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Depressed - and about to run away from it

Discussion in 'General' started by Pot Geek, Dec 12, 2003.

  1. I've been depressed all week. Well, all week and then some. It's not "the holidays" or winter depression. The upcoming Holiday Season would normally make me happy, but there are things that are overshadowing my happiness right now, so much to the point that I just can't do anything.

    I work for a teeny technology consulting firm and we're having some big budget problems. Like I said, we're teeny, so we're being hit hard by the economic crunch. My boss can't afford to pay me, espiecally with Christmas coming up and he having to think about his wife and kids. I understand, and I can empathise. So, I've been cut back to a measly 4 hours a week, which means I'm only bringing home about $66 a week (after taxes).

    That also means that all I do is sit here. Literally, right here, in front of my comptuer, and surf the web all day. I still live with my parents, even though I'm 21 years old. I'm not enroled in college, and can't fathom going back and trying yet again! I HATE school. I HATE sitting in class, I HATE doing homework, and I HATE the shitty marks I get!!! I HATE IT!

    I feel like a lazy, stupid mooch. I sit here all day and stew in my own juices, going over and over the same problems in my brain. I believe (even though this is totally illogical) that if I keep beating myself up mentally, keep beating the same problem over and over again, that I'll eventually find a solution. I keep telling myself how stupid and lazy I am. I just can't turn off that little voice in my head that tells me how bad of a person I am.

    The only escape I have is weed. I hate that because it feels like I'm using it as a crutch, like an easy escape. Probably because I am. It's the only way I can get away from feeling depressed, even if it's only temporary. Conversely, sitting around and smoking pot all day isn't getting me anywhere. I'm better off sitting around being depressed churning over my problems, arn't I? At least then maybe I'll accomplish some mental task that might be the key to finding the answers to my problems. I don't know. I'm not getting anywhere by sitting here being depressed either.

    I can't handle feeling like this anymore. I need to escape it. I don't have much bud left (in fact, I don't have any buds left, it's all shake), but I need to get high just to turn off this depression for a little while. Why can't I do this myself? Why am I so weak?

  2. get of your ass and get a part-time job. dont give yourself bullshit about not being able to find one. there are many places where you will easily start of with 200-300 dollars a week..much better than your making now. plus you live with your parents and i dont know wether they make you pay rent or not but if they do they most likely will go easy on you if your having financial difficulties. i have been payin rent since i was sixteen, and i had to deal with school and a part time job. it wasnt all that hard.

    and smokng weed isnt gonna help you. get out and do things. go see a movie with your friends or some shit like that.
  3. Life bites you in the ass sometimes and it's hard to recover. I'm going through a little bit of shit right now too and it sucks. The only thing that makes it better is to know that one day, it'll all be cool again. I have faith that at some point I'll be happier than I was before the chaos hit my life. That keeps me going. Besides, I have it better than some so I can't complain too much...well, I can and I do...but then after I get it all out, I remember that life is only what I make it. So, I do what I can to make mine a happy one.

    Good luck pulling yourself out of it, Pot Geek. It's tough to tackle these things around the holidays and even tougher when money becomes an issue. I'll send some good ~vibes~ your way! :)
  4. Pot Geek, I have been in that same boat before. Almost exactly the same, except I'm 20 instead of 21. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd still be living with my mother at 20, and it depresses the hell out of me sometimes (most of the time).

    I don't have any answers for you either. If I did I wouldn't still be here too.

    But just know that for some people it isn't just as easy as going out to find a new job...you can't force people to hire you. It's harder to find one than some people think, especially where I live.

    But spending what little money you get every week on weed isn't helping, but I understand why you do it.

    Lots of upbeat and new job karma coming your way :D

  5. What? Huh? Who said I spend what little money I get every week on weed?!! I've cut my habit WAAAAY back since my hours have been cut. Although, spending any money on weed is probably not a good idea right now anyway. But, weed isn't an exception, spending any money at all, on anything, is not a good idea right now, as I have so little coming in. :(

    Damnit, this is making me depressed and sad again! I felt much better today after my little tokie-toke last night. It really just got my mind off of it.

    Thanks for the good vibes, though. :)
  6. well you can look at it this way...

    I have no job, because my messely ass got fired from MCDONALDS! I had to convince myself to work there, and then I got fired for taking a cheseburger and fries... the worst part is, they just didn't like my style, they didn't like me, so they fired me... now I can't get a job anywere becasue nobody wants to hire a person that steals, espically from mcdonalds. So I have no income, still have car payments, insurance, and had to borrow $120 from my dad to fix my brakes, and soon another $100 at least to fix my altenator.

    so you can at least say you have a chance at getting a part-time job, and once you do, you can be well apon your way of having everything else fall into place

    edit - and good luck dude, life just sucks somtimes, but it will always get better! Hey your only 21, still got more then 2/3 your life ahead! karma for yea comin
  7. dude that lil voice is NOT you its a tiny asshole who occupies space in your brain you need to distinguish your thoughts from his thoughts and then start to ignor what you say, im almost 19 and live with my folks theres nothing wrong with that and if you help out around the house a bit then your not ungratful those are just lies that the mean lil motherfucker will try to tell you
  8. I am in exsactly(sp?) ur situation!

    apart from i have NO job, the last garage i went to turned me down because i have long hair! i'll never forgive them for that

    but i started raiding my savings recently(and as i know u've got one too this might help ya) i'm spending the money on restoring my camper, so i go something to do every-day. gotaa sort out the brakes tomoz lol

    so just occupy urself to take ur mind off it, trust me, its beeter than gdettin stoned all day i know too well, help that helps man
  9. how bout this. since you have no future plans for goin to college or anything. think about movin to a warmer climate. then look for a cool job, that you could get, you like, and it can supprot you. then start climing out of the hole.

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