Dealing with guilt and sadness..

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by downtosesh, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, and I've been worrying about whether to post it on here or not for a long time.. Please no rude comments.

    I just have many regrets about someone who's passed. I don't really want to go into specifics about that to be honest. I think about them every night. I try not to cry, but I do.
    I literally have no friends, and I can't help think that's what I deserve, it's "karma". I'm so lonely. I can't talk to anyone, about anything.. I'm left to obsess about everything in my mind..
    I've tried so many countless times to make friends, is it payback for being such a shitty person? I'm just so lonely, with these regrets haunting me.

    I've dealt with depressive feelings before, with positive thinking, but it's just becoming so increasingly hard..
    I don't know what I'm looking for writing this. I don't know what to do..
     
  2. What happened?
     
  3. How I treated them when they were still alive.
     
  4. Karma is cause and effect. Certain situations will continue to manifest until you learn what you are supposed to learn from it. Don't treat anyone again the same way you treated that person. If you do, then things will keep on manifesting as they have so far.
     
  5. Always assume their last days are nigh.
     
  6. #6 esseff, Aug 1, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2011
    How are you trying to make friends? If you take any opportunity that comes along, it can sometimes come across as needy rather than natural, and that can have the opposite effect, as you may already know. Just remember to try to be your highest self, and let go of the idea that you must make friends. Then, when you meet someone new, the fact that you've created a 'whatever will be will be' attitude, allows things to change more naturally.

    Don't worry though - we all go through periods when self-reflection is more important than not being alone. Treat this time as an opportunity to discover who you are and accept your own company without suffering.
     
  7. We all make mistakes in our lives that we regret. Those mistakes can be turned into opportunities if we demand of ourselves that we learn from our mistakes. I am sorry that you feel guilty and that your friend is no longer here. The very best thing you can do now is to promise yourself you will behave differently going forward and start today making a positive impact where ever you go. Start by being good to yourself and admitting like me and everyone else on this earth, we all make mistakes, if we learn from them, we can become better people....feel better.
     
  8. Yes, regrets are difficult to deal with. But if there's no longer anything that can be done to put things right, if that was even possible, then all that's left is to come to understand yourself better so as not to repeat actions that make you feel this way. If you were 'shitty' then look at why? Keep looking at yourself and your actions until you begin to see how things could have been different. Remember they could only have been as they were, this is an internal exercise designed to help you heal. Look at yourself as openly and as honestly as you can, don't judge yourself, merely look, as if the events were simply part of a play and you're the objective director viewing the scene rather than the actor performing in it.

    Have you tried meditation? There's a particular type of music that's really good for these situations. I have something I can share with you.

    LINK
     
  9. We are simply people. I feel like this too. Is it because I am such an incredibly destructive person, am I being punished. I am supposed to be left alone indefinitley, because this is what fate determined for me?? Why me?? Friends are hard to make. For the past two years, I have had one real friend. Whenever I'm alone, I feel like I deserve it. Try meditation. Or fasting. I have tried both, and found they have made me a little more level headed when depressed.
     
  10. Just start a new life bro and man idk just try your hardest to force yourself to be happy and sooner or later you will start to feel better. Don't think of only the bad things you did to that person if you feel this bad about it you must have loved them alot and with that much love they must have known deep down that you loved them and that you didn't mean harm. That's all I got to say so sorry but keep your head up.
     
  11. It sounds like you learned what needs to be changed from what happened but you can't dwell on it.....There is no way to change the past....thus the saying .."Dont cry over spilled milk'....

    You can do something about the present.....today....each time we wake up we have a new chance to change things in our lives....Dont waste that feeling regret...you have already learned where your mistake was....

    Just trying to live today..right now...it will change your energy. Then you can begin building on that to make the changes in yourself you want to make. You must continually bring yourself back to 'Now' when you first start.

    Dont let yourself be eaten up by the past....you cannot reverse it...but you can do something today to change it.

    As others have said, sometimes we are alone to rebuild ourselves and make the needed changes in our conscious lives to be healthy and learn how to truly live and give back to others. You cant do it when you are emotionally bankrupt though.

    Get to a place where you LIKE to be by yourself...enjoy your own company, in other words....CREATE.....learn who you really are by developing your creativity.

    There is a Native American saying that I love: "By living with one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you are pissing on the present"....the word for word might not use 'pissing'.....lol...but the message is the same.
     
  12. Thank you to everyone who took time our of their day to help a stranger out.
    Much love.
     
  13. forgive yourself, stop resenting yourself
    the key to loving others is loving yourself, if you think you don't deserve your own love, you're not going to find it from other people
     
  14. First you must not accept the fact that you will remain miserable and lonely in this lifetime. To accept the notion that you will spend your time on this earth sad and depressed is outrageous.

    I will give you a quote:

    "We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness."-Hunter S. Thompson

    The words are spoken true as nature. Do not let your emotions control your life, because it is too short to live like that.

    It is never too late to turn your ship around, it all starts with a change of thought, and then your reality will start to change.
     
  15. imo, I think you should just try not to think of everything you have done, and reflect on all the good things that have ever happened in your life, relive the moments in your mind, appreciate them. And use it as hope to create a better future for yourself.
     
  16. #16 Echoes of Floyd, Aug 5, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2011
    Well in my opinion.....

    Now that they have passed on, they are fully aware the guilt & sadness you are experiencing now. They are acknowledging that you have been thinking of them, and are still holding regretful feelings for them.

    The depression & sadness are there for a reason. To make you stronger. And to give you examples of who your not. Now that they understand the regret you feel, I think they would want you to be happy, remember the good times, & to be happy once again.

    Don't worry about finding new friends right now. They will certainly come to you. Just be yourself, and don't try to impress any group of people. If you just keep being yourself, true & honest friends will find you.

    Good luck with everything, Much love to you! :love:
     
  17. That is very true, somehow I always feel like I need to hear it/be reminded every once in awhile for it actually to sink in. Thank you.
     
  18. Let it go. Forget about it. I was listening to a Buddhist lecture the other day (Ajahn Brahm, if anyone knows of him) and he said something very profound that one of his teachers had said. He said something like "A stick only has weight when you are holding it". If you let things go, they can't cause you pain anymore
     
  19. I will be your friend, i dont judge. Send me a message whenever you want we can talk about anything=)
     
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