Days go by

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by funkerdoink, Mar 29, 2009.

  1. So the past maybe... two years or so I have gone through periods of time in which it feels like I was living in a dream. I mean that by which I hardly remember anything that happened and everything seems so unreal that I mix up my dreams and real life. Usually this will happen in periods of three-four days, usually when nothing really exciting is going on in my life and I just feel like a mindless zombie drifting through my banal life.

    What will happen is all of a sudden I get what I believe is referred to as a moment of clarity. Suddenly during my usual routine I will get a jolt to my brain that snaps me out of this mindless state. I realize that the past days I haven't really been living, it's like my brain was on autopilot.

    People will ask me, "Hey remember the other day when.." or something along those lines, and I will either not remember it all or think to myself that I thought that was a dream. A good example happened the other day. My friend was talking about a conversation we apparently had in his car about not seeing as many pregnant woman walking around as one would expect to see. I could have sworn that I dreamed that conversation, I can even remember what I thought was that dream, it occurred before something that surely had to be a dream (I was having sex with an ex that died last year). There are many more examples of this

    It happens the other way around also, I bring up things that I was sure happened, and the people I thought I was with just look at me as if I'm crazy (maybe I am?). I guess I'm applying my dreams to reality and blocking out reality? It's very strange and frightening..

    But this zombie-like state has more to it. In addition to the dream/reality mix-ups I seem to completely forget everything else that happens during this time. I get my work done, I seem to function normally (even more efficiently with certain situations). I've even posted on this forum. But I simply cannot recall what actually happens during this time, it's like I said, I feel like I'm on autopilot and have no actual consciousness.

    These occurrences aren't constant, as I mentioned earlier I only get in these trances for a few days. They used to be few and far between and I didn't really think much of them but recently they have been happening far more often to the point I'm worried it may completely take over my psyche.

    In the past three years my drug use has drastically decreased. I'm not on any medication, and I usually only smoke pot maybe once or twice a week. Roughly three times a year I do LSD (which has actually brought me out of this trance, and I believe was helpful in identifying this problem). I usually drink twice a week, if any of this contributes to this odd condition.

    So.. I'm not really sure why I posted this. Has anyone felt something similar? Is this a known condition? Any help would be appreciated
     
  2. Perhaps you need a profound experience thrown in the mix. You say you eat L a few times a year, that is probably healthy. There are so many options to make life one worth remembering. I'd imagine there were periods of your life where you recall a great deal of memory. At least I feel that in my own life.

    As a student and rambler I often read my past ramblings and wonder who the fuck this guy is. It can be scary..better yet concerning..Many times I find myself playing Devil's Advocate just to maybe strengthen my own opinion about something I'm arguing against. As I grow older I realize life is the most humbling experience imaginable. Everybody pretty much goes through the exact same ups and downs, just different degrees.

    Hopefully you can get 1 day every two weeks that breaks apart from the rest. Even if it's a bad thing it may be just what you need.
     
  3. Yeah I was thinking about buying a diary this week. Every night writing down what I thought was important to me that day, what I want to accomplish tomorrow, stuff life that. Even if it doesn't amount to anything in the short term, I imagine that will be very interesting to read in 20 years.

    As for the profound experience, I would love to just drop everything and backpack across Europe or something like that, but I simply don't have the balls to do it. I have a pretty good job and my mom needs constant care (alzheimers). I'm just not ready to make an "into the wild" decision like that.

    Oh well... maybe some day
     
  4. i think you need to smoke more weed man :smoking:

    before anytime ive had serious thoughts or random things i found interesting or thought i might want to remember in the future i wrote down, and then read them after a few weeks or some time had gone by. some hit me pretty hard, some i got some laughs out of. and others were like what the fuck was i doing.

    or if your life is like a zombie trance then try changing it up. go on a long trip or move someplace else for awhile. im from mn and been dealing with depression my entire life. this last semester moved out to mt for school and it changed my life. never been happier or lived life more and better than when i was there and i cant wait til im back
     
  5. The memory loss, confusing thoughts in regards to waking conciouseness/dreamworld and feeling on auto-pilot reminds me of psychosis or depersonal/derealization.

    Seriously, I can relate to it in every form, wikipedia some of the aforementioned terms and see if it rings a bell.

    It sucks, but I will say that LSD could have made you aware of it because it is the contributor to this scenario, it just hasn't clicked yet. If that makes sense, if you didn't have it before you tripped you could just assume it brought it to light when it caused it to begin with.

    Alcohol definately numbs your everday waking conciouseness, seriously. Im just starting to smoke alot of weed now and I can TELL just by being high the past 10 months of alcohol abuse have made me more brain-dead, literally. Cut the alcohol.

    Use marijuana properly, and responsibly, you can balance your brain-chemistry again with some meditation and concentration.

    But other than that, see a psychiatrist at your local mental health clinic, it's helped me tremendously.
     

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