Damn. Summers not what i thought it'd be. Verge of insanity. rant

Discussion in 'General' started by NFloyd2357, May 25, 2009.

  1. Im going apeshit being home for the summer, and its only been 5 days. My mom is driving me absolutely batshit, its an adjustment i dont think i can make. Last summer was easier - 1 because i was coming back from college living in the dorms, and 2 - because my older brother wasnt here.

    This year is near impossible. I lived in my own house for the whole school year with my buddies. I talked to my mom everyday, but on the phone - and it was obviously a lot different.

    This is whats pissing me off: My mom is constantly nagging me about shit she never used to nag me about, on top of nagging me about getting a job... which is driving me insane, because i've been driving myself insane trying to get a job... 1. because i need to get the fuck outta the house, and 2. because im $2000 in debt. She knows this, so NO SHIT i need to find a job.

    Now she's asking me to do SO much shit around the house, and to do massive amounts of yardwork (and our yard is huge, a little over an acre). I have no problem pulling my own if im living here, but its getting out of hand, and its like 1000fold what its been every other summer. I've been lashing out at her now because she's pissing me off to no end, and now i feel bad about that because we usually get along fine.

    On top of it, she doesn't ask my brother to do jack shit, because he's busy "studying" for his boards fom med school. I understand how hard it is, and i understand he does need time to study - but hes also sitting on his ass in his boxers watching tv half the time, so THATS pissing me off too. I've practically locked myself in my room in my basement and told everyone to fuck off and leave me alone... act like i dont even live here. So im basically stuck in my basement, with a TV that doesnt work, my computer, and my guitar.

    Im almost out of cash, and being in debt is causing enough stress as is, nevermind everything being home is putting me through. I dont even wanna go upstairs to get food because i dont wanna hear whatever shit im gonna hear from my mom. Also, i hardly see my dad anymore, who was always like a best friend to me. He lives right down the street, but i dont see him at all. We used to at least get dinner a couple times every week, but now, not even that. Its been that way since he got a girlfriend, which i have no problem with, i actually think shes nice, but yea, never see him anymore. I dont know if i even want to because i feel uncomfortable, since i havent told him how bad i did this semester, and how i got myself into debt. Ive never dissappointed my pops, and i dont want to:(.

    When im with my friends, its cool, but i dont hang with em nearly as much as i used to. All my friends didnt go to college, so they're already in like... career mode basically. Always busy, so i see em on the weekends and thats about it. My one best friend who lives down the street chills with me a lot, but there aint even shit to do - at least when hes around though im in good company. Hes busy today, so im getting bored, stressed and pissed sitting here on my computer in silence. I've been reading a lot, which is good, but fuck i dont know how im gonna take 3 more months of this... especially if i dont get a job. Honestly... im soooooo fucked if i cant get a job, i dont know what ill do. Even the dunkin donuts or burger king down the street arent hiring, i dont know how ill get a job.

    anyone else?
    I also have really bad anxiety, and moderate bi-polar - so when i have nothing to do, and a lot to frustrate me, i get in a really bad state of mind.

    I miss living the same monotonous life, but at school, in my own home, with my friends around when i want them to be.

    I can't beleive im saying this, but i want school to start up again immediately.
    I just told my mom theres no way in hell im cutting the grass today, and now shes all pissed. I told her my hands are all blistered from all the yardwork i did yesterday (which is true) and that im not going to split my hands open while mowing the lawn in the rain. Besides, if i fuck with these blisters anymore, i wont be able to play guitar, which is the only thing keeping me from going insane right now.

    I got about 150 bucks right now, but i shouldnt be spending any... im really contemplating getting some weed though, i cant deal anymore.

  2. life sucks, wait in line.
  3. yezzir, got back from college, within the first 4 days I got a DUI. my parents were on my ass before that to get a job(i'm fucking trying, the economy SUCKS right now, i've applied at at least 10 places). im not used to living at home, and this summer is gonna be a bitch.
  4. I had a suggestion, but your last line voided it. :(

    Good luck man. My summer isn't as rough as yours, but I'd take your yard work over me just sitting on my ass all fucking day doing jack shit AND not having money to buy weed... Needless to say I'm so fucking bored I'm going to kill myself for entertainment. (jk)

    My dad decided to help me out though for money, which is awesome. All I gotta do is maintain the fields/yard like you (but I'm on a farm 80 acres). Which I already did, so I gotta wait for shit to grow... hah.
  5. i hate to say this when people are in times like this b/c they usually dont listen but, you gatta have better thoughts man, your thoughts really end up being your reality and i know thats hard to do when you have anxiety and mid-bi-polorism but maybe try meditating it really eases everything. good luck and maybe try doing what you love for money(weed, guitar lol) use your skills, good luck.
  6. Angsty aren't you?
  7. #7 NFloyd2357, May 25, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2009

    ha, good to hear someone in my situation. You basically summed up my long ass rant. Sorry about your DUI man, i hate to admit it but it could have easily been me this weekend.

    Yea i've applied everywhere, its insane. My only prospect is at the beach - and the only way id get that job is through my grandfather who has pull - and even still i probably wont get it.

    I wonder if the government understands the situation they are putting the younger population into (like, 18-25 y/o). none of us can get jobs! not to mention we're paying social security that we'll definitely, absolute fact, never see.

    My friends that have jobs all got work from connections. Either a family business, there parents know somebody etc. Hell, I have great grades, a lot of work experience (2 years at a market, 2 years at an eyedoctor) and i can't even get a job at a supermarket. wow. I vowed to never work at a grocery store again after my last job, but now i'd kill for my same shitty job back that i had when i was 15 years old.

    and yea, to the other replies... im tryin to think more positive now. I just found out my grandparents are comin over for memorial day so im gonna lite the grill and do some BBQ'ing.

    as far as doing wat i love for money (weed or guitar)... well... everyones already, um... doing the weed thing in my town and have been since i was at school, so i cant really hop into that scene here again... and i see no feasable way of making money from guitar right now (but it does keep the demons outta my head at least). I tried gettin a job at all the music places but they aint hiring. I am next in line at guitar center even though i hate it there - but the manager told me he doesnt expect to hire anyone until the holidays, maybe septemberish.

    Im keepin my head up. My friend from school is coming to visit, and he knows how shitty my financial situation is. He told me hes got two oscars and a blunt with my name on it - so thats cheerin me up a bit lol
  8. My summer is sucking too,
    you're not alone. :(

    How old are you? Just outta curiousity
  9. brah i know you say you dont wanna spend any of that 150, but i think you could invest 100 of it and hustle till you get your money up a lil bit.. i mean you gotta do what you gotta do man, if you really sincerely have tried applying EVERYWHERE and cannot find a job worth shit, then there aint much else to do. society makes it so hard to get your feet wet but once you get started it should get easier for you man. but as for now dont give up lookin for a job yet, only hustle if you have to
  10. im 20.
    Im gonna ask my dad if he'll pay for classes this summer for me to become a certified bartender. At least then ill be able to find work during the school year.

    My mom wants me to ask my dad to bail me outta CC debt, but i feel like its my responsibility. Id rather get a job and make money and pull myself outta this mess if i can - My dad said he'd help me financially if i "honestly try and fail at getting a job." To problem is both my parents think im not trying to get a job... they just don't comprehend the current job market, especially for my age bracket
  11. Do you play any sports? Last summer i'd just go to the skatepark or basketball courts when i was bored. Have you searched craigslist for jobs in your area?
  12. 150 bucks....you better start the trife life for the summer.
    youll make those 2gs in no time.
    But good luck with your cash flow.
  13. Don't bother, at least around here those classes don't count for shit. You still have to start out at the bottom, as server, barback etc. because most places promote from within, and they don't want some noob screwing up drinks for people. Just because you took a class doesn't mean you can bartend in a real bar, and it's pretty damned hard to find a place that will train you. I'm telling you this out of experience, I took a class and it really didn't teach me anything. The only thing I got from that class is the technique of pouring a 1oz shot with a speed-pourer and a 3-count. Everything else is stuff you could learn just googling, and memorizing the drink recipes. Not only did it not teach me much, it was no help in applying anywhere because everyone wants experience, but nobody is willing to give it :rolleyes:

    I think, if you're going to take the class, you should get in somewhere as a barback, work there a bit and THEN take the class, show them that you're a hard worker first and work for a promotion to bartender. That, or find a place where you can work during the day and get trained. Bottom line though, it's not the kinda gig you can land overnight unless you're really, really lucky.
  14. #14 NFloyd2357, May 25, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2009

    haha craigslist has literally become my summer job. Half of them are scams, the other half give half assed replies. The only one who responded was a bike shop, but they wanted someone who knew a lot about bikes - and i told them that i didn't know a whole lot except how to fix em n whatnot - they want someone more experienced.

    well, my cousin who bartends at a few places said to take the classes n that he could help me out. Theres also a lot of real dive-bars where i go to school. Just shitty places that serve shitty food and alcohol to underage college kids. I dno, its a possibility i guess

    going away for school kinda put me outta commission in my home town... everyone knows a guy now. My friends are on the High and Mighty train now, the "Nah, i don't do that shit anymore *chugs bottle of whiskey* " so i cant even make money twistin up Ls with my friends. My one boy blazes with me, but i cant charge him anymore than i pay, hes been my best friend since i can remember. It sucks, the economy has pushed so many people into pushing, that now that isnt even an option in my town now (another reason i wanna go back to school desperately)
  15. Man, sounds like you just need to get out of the house some. The less you're around, the less you'll be asked to help out with.

    I believe that you have tried finding a job... but since you don't have shit else to do, try harder. Go out to as many places as you can everyday... when you run out of places, start back at the beginning and go back, inquiring about if they are hiring yet, or doing any interviews any time soon.

    Also, not to sound like an ass here.. but if you're eating and staying at your moms for free, why not help out with some household chores and yardwork ? The inside cleaning you should be used to anyway....
  16. yea, im actually just about out of places, so i'll start my rounds over again. The only thing i found was an internship but no pay at our local newspaper (and i am a journalism major) but it would take up a lot of time. Maybe i can make some deal with my dad where he'd give me a small allowance if i take the internship - he also mite be down with giving me some extra cash for taking care of the house - he owns half of it still.

    I mean, i do my fair share around the house, but its just getting to me that my mom expects me to do everything. I have no problem doing more than her and my brother, but it pisses me off that i've been asked to do everything, and her and my brother do nothing. My mom works, but its basically part time. She honestly has no business living in this house, she can't afford it or take care of it (its a weird situation, but a few years back my mom was supposed to move out and my dad move back in. They both own half the house and my dad was supposed to buy it back so she could move into a more manageable house or condo). My dad has the money and ability to actually take care of this home, and my mom doesn't so she tries pawning off everything on me. Its just starting to get to me, especially since our yard is freakin huge... like... no one man team should have to take care of it - its something an entire landscaping crew would spend a day on. She doesn't even really buy food, some nights she'll make dinner, which im grateful for because shes a tremendous cook - but for the most part i have to do a small shopping to keep snacks and breakfast/lunch kinda stuff around. I bought coffee so i could eliminate my daily trips to dunkin donuts - and i try to scrap when im around friends and at their houses if they don't mind lol, which they dont since its all their parents shit anyways. i dont eat as much anymore anyways, because school put me in a pretty bad diet where i didnt eat often... but i guess thats a good thing now considerin my financial situation. It sucks because if my dad actually lived here instead of my mom, like its supposed to be, he'd pay for everything, and if he wanted me to do something around the house, there'd usually be incentive behind it.
  17. Souds like you're in a shiitty place right now. Try to stay positive man, even if it seems like nothings gettin better for you.

    As for the work, ask everyone you know & everyone they know, I'm sure if you prove to someone you're willin to grind for them, theyy will give you a chance.

    Summers comin up aswell. Get out there, socialise & take your mind off shit. Meet some girls man, that usually helps cheer me up.
  18. yea i need a girl bad. Its fine during the school year but i've dissociated from most of my highschool, so when im home there ain't a whole lot to hang with - I got my eye on one ... go figure it happens to be my best friends stepsister, so i'll have to approach that situation very carefully. It sucks because i kinda fell for her last summer but i was always hangin with her when i was with my friend, so we're kinda on afriendship level, i dont think she knows i like her like that but i'll figure somethin out. thats another reason i need a job, so i can meet some girls - realllllyyyyy hope my grandfather can pull some strings and get me a job at the beach. Thatd be so perfect. great work environment, get a nice tan, and meet alotta people.

    Im a little more cheered up now, i just really need a job or i dont see things gettin much better over the summer. As Bradley said, "Life is one big question when your starin at the clock. And the answers always waitin at the liquor store..." at least im not a big drinker lol - but damn could i use some drugs right about now lol

  19. play some sublime at the park on your guitar and ill garentee yuo'll meet some girls and some chill people, being really high helps too, maybe youll even make some money too?
  20. I feel you. My parents are close to keeping me in my house because they found Adderall in my room and they already know I'm a stoner :smoking:

    But guitar is one thing that will always be there, and it pisses off your parents if you play electric loud so you can still torment them from your basement :D

    It'll be alright, you have tons of summers left. If your really desperate you can set up a lean-to in the woods and buy a .22

    But i'm probably not helping.. so good luck bro, keep tokin the reefer and try not to go insane :smoke:

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