Crossroads

I just turned 30 this summer and having smoked since I was a Senior in High School to now has begun to make me think of how sustainable it is for me personally, while still reaching other personal life goals. These thoughts have only become more frantic since my main buddy I get my vegetables from is moving to Colorado in September. As a creature of habit I like going to one person I trust. That’s difficult to find in a Midwestern state like mine where it’s illegal.

To complicate matters, as an educator, I can’t exactly ask around my community when I’m well known here. I went to my buddy in part because he lived in the college town where I went to school within driving distance of where I teach. With him out of the picture sans September I’m void of a reliable and trusty source. I don’t want to have to keep finding new people every few years, especially as I move up in position at my district.

Speaking of that, I am in a great situation where my mentor got promoted from Principal to Superintendent and wants to train me to be a future Principal within the next 3-5 years. On an ethical level I’m beginning to question my habit, as a teacher me smoking never seemed like a big deal so long as it was after teaching but as a Principal you are a more public face and in a small town like mine all’s it would take is someone to see me air headed in public to kill my career.

Finally, a recent relationship ended in some part because my girl didn’t like that I am an everyday toker. While there were plenty of other reasons for us to break up and we are both glad we did (and remain friends) I wonder if my smoking really is preventing me from having a family like some of my friends are now.

I really enjoy toking but I’m at a crossroads now where it just doesn’t seem as sustainable as it was in college when you are surrounded by 30,000 people your own age who all like to party is different than being a pillar in your community in a small lake town. I’m sure other more seasoned tokers than I know more about how to deal with this than me so I thought I’d see if anyone else found a happy balance.

 

@Dogma1102 it’s important enough that I use it daily as a means of relaxation and for sleep. I know if I had to quit I could and I kind of am at a place where I’m divided. I enjoy the lift a lot, but the finding of new contacts, avoiding legal issues, and the expense (time/money/social) of it is starting to seem less worth it than it was when I was 25.

I think it will always be my favorite downtime activity and definitely my preferred poison, but I fear before I know it I’ll be the 40 year old with no family and not Principal because of my current lifestyle. The problem is that I got greedy with it, especially in the last 5 years. My first 7 years of smoking it was pretty much only when other people had it or we all threw down. It’s when I started smoking alone that it became daily and almost ritualistic. Get home from teaching smoke, eat dinner, smoke. Watch some TV smoke. On weekends it’s even worse with the same schedule including breakfast and lunch.

South Park had a really good way of putting it and while I laughed at it and thought little of it then I feel it more now than ever.

 

Yeah for now at least may take a break. Who knows may find a new safe source but if not I can wait until I reach some life milestones.

 

I would love this option but I am told it smells up the whole house. I can't have that because I have guests over from work and my Dad who despises it. The reason I switched to vaping recently was the lack of after-smell. When I had herb in the house, even if I had it in containers it would reak up the place for a few hours after every session. I have a decent sized lake house with two floors, plus a basement, but you can still smell the herb in the upstairs back room when you enter my house. My friend who is moving suggested getting a plastic thing to breath the smoke through to kill the smell if I end up not liking oil long term.

I am trying to have it all still, the biggest issue is discretely finding a new source thats reliable like my buddy. A good reliable person for that is hard to come by and without it I'm on a desert island whether I want to be or not. My other friend who is in Boston for Summer comes back in August and knows people but what about when he moves? I just feel like in a non-legal state you have so many obstacles especially if you are a professional.

 

Yeah land isn’t an option, I guess my retirement could be lit but by then who knows how I’ll feel about it. I just feel sad because I enjoyed it so much in my 20s and wish there were more options.

 

Thanks man that makes me feel better about it as a coach I won the award for sportsmanship for the whole State so I can’t be that bad of a guy. Plus like you I only partake AFTER work and on weekends/holidays. I just need to find a new reliable contact, and if not I’m confident in myself to go without til I find a safe reliable person.