Critter?!?

I just remembered that I have been picking on Bud Head for a while now and its time to "spread the love" around. Critter is one of my dearest and oldest mates at this board, but he needs some jokes told on him or some other form of mild teasing. Nothing too serious, just some good harmless critter jokes so we get to see Mr Hyde/Critter 2 pop up again.

So if anybody has any critter jokes, pop 'em here while he's sleeping today and when he wakes up tomorrow in Australia, he'll know how much us bloody Yanks like him.

I'll go first!

Critter and his amte were walking down a wombat trail one day when they saw a kangaroo stuck in the bush. As hard as the Roo struggled, he just couldn't free himself. As he twisted and turned, his tail waved high in the air showing his ass to the world.

The mate turned to critter and said "Damn Mate, I wish that was a women there instead of a kangaroo, we'd be having a good time right now!"

Critter replied " I just wished it was dark right now, so nobody could see us!"


LOL!!!!!

 

Under the roots of my curly hair.

Where is the safest place to hide extra cash from critter at his house?

In his work boots.


That's a joke that's floating around the plant right now.

 

Critter, I just downloaded a bunch of Aussie jokes but don't know which ones to post.

A lot about Pauline Hanson Bruce Ruxton Arthur Tunstall and the One Nation Party, Abos and Wogs, and Sheep and Roo shagging jokes. (please explain these terms to me)

Here's a good one:

American: Drinks weak, pissy-tasting beer
Canadians: Drinks strong, pissy-tasting beer
Pommy: Drinks warm, beer-tasting piss
Aussie: Drinks anything with alcohol in it!

AND:

Why Did John Howard get kicked out of an Amsterdam Brothel on his most recent visit to Europe?

He asked if he could pay with Australian Dollars!

 

I assumed that the one nation party was rascist, but most of those jokes were derogatory against her. I couldn't tell about abos or wogs because those jokes were lumped in with the "You might be a redneck if....' section. Sorry to offend anyone with calling them out . Ignorant on my part and that is where rascism lives is in ignorance. Better to bring them out in the sunlight because evil only thrives in darkness.

Here goes the others.....

An American tourist is visiting the Outback when he spots a man shagging a sheep. Upset my this display of bestiality, he heads to a bar to get a drink. On arriving at the bar he sees a one-legged man masterbating furiously on the front porch of the bar.

The tourist enters the bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks heim what is the matter. The tourist replies that he has seen both a sheep shagger and a one-legged man wacking off.

" Fair Dinkum, Mate" answers the bartender "You Yanks can't expect a one-legged man to catch a sheep?"

 

And another.....

A British researcher is sent Down Under to study sheep shagging. He asks an Aussie rancher on his preferred method of sheep shagging. The Aussie replies " Well, mate. I stick each hind leg in a Wellie and I throw the front legs over a fence."

He then asks a Kiwi on his prefered method and he also replies " I stick each hind leg in a Wellie (best damn rubber boots in the world) and I throw the front legs over a fence."

Then the Brit aska a Tasmanian on his prefered method of sheep shagging. "Well, I stick each hind leg in my Wellies and throw the front legs over my shoulders."

"That's odd." replies the Pommy "Why don't you throw the front legs over a fence like evryone else?"

"What, and miss out on all the kissing!" replies the Tas.

And with this one I think its time we started telling jokes on some one else. Whom should it be????? Unoit, Smokieokie, Bud Head, Nubbin, or the Dutch??? ANY volunteers or recommendations?