There was an old gal wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Cri-i-i-i sssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approached. "Ma'am, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I'm calling my husband." "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old woman answered, "Oh, no,no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "Well, what do you call him when you are at home?" "Lard ass."