could really use some advice or even some opinions from anyone who may have been through a similar situation! background: I have been dating a guy for almost three years and we've been living together for just over a year. however, things started getting a little worse about six months ago. He means well, and I think he loves me, but I don't think I'll be happy if I stay in the relationship any longer. we no longer really spend time together or talk, and I'm finding myself not receiving what I need to make this a fulfilling relationship. I've thought about leaving for a long time now, but our lease isn't up until October, in four months. a friend has agreed to move out with me in October but I'm constantly switching between being completely sure of myself and then freaking out. what if I make the wrong decision nd regret it for the rest of my life? but then what if I don't leave and that just leaves me feeling unfulfilled too? we've had discussions about what was upsetting me numerous times, and every time nothing has really changed. has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? how did you deal with it, and do you feel you made the right decision? not sure what to do right now.
There are no wrong decisions. Everything and everyone we meet happens for a reason. Are you on the lease?
People grow apart. In the end you gotta do what's best for you. If your not satisfied and you guys have talked about it, it's Probly time to move on. Wait until October and if nothing has changed, move on.
sallylou, yes, my name is on the lease as well as his. Lazy Sunday, but if nothing has changed by then how do I g about breaking it off? once before I did tell him I was going to leave him, in front of his mother but I don't think he had believed me. I've never been in the position of having to break it off, especially not after years together and with someone so hidden with their thoughts etc. sorry if none of that made sense, lol
Have you talked to him yet about your concerns about the two of you drifting away? Maybe he doesn't realize it yet... I'd say take the time until October to talk to him about what you're feeling and give each other a chance to work things out, with the deadline being the end of your lease.
we've spoken about the concerns before, and things didn't really change any of those times, the few times it did, was only for a couple days at most. I'm worried that if I tell him I'm going to be leaving him in October things may change but only until the lease is renewed. he isn't a big fan of any type of change.
You can't just run from your issues. What's to say that he won't still be in your life when you do move? You gotta talk it over and maybe try couples therapy. It's easy to say things will change at that moment but if you can't figure it out alone or just with you two then try getting a third professional opinion. After all you two are pretty much married living together.
Tell him exactly how you feel. The process of breaking it off: Start looking for places, start packing non essentials. He'll know you're serious.
I dislike how people are quick to end relationships nowadays. I don't know your situation so I can't judge I'm just speaking in general people seem to be so quick to end their relationship at the slightest troubles or to advice others to do so. OP I think you should thread carefully. You've been with the guy for three years right? It's awhile. Think about whether or not the cons of the relationship out weight the pros. Have you actually sat down with him and said you were thinking of leaving?
I wasn't classifying it as running away from the issues because we have discussed them many times before, and in some situations it just ended with him laughing and saying I'm crazy etc. back in feb I told him straight out that I was leaving, but because of money issues, I wasn't able to, then things were okay or a week and then crappy again. and now there's oly four months left of the lease I need to decide what will ultimately be the best choice
I like sally's idea of talking it out and setting a deadline for October. I suggest taking it a step further and moving out regardless of the outcome of the next 4 months. There is such a thing as taking things too fast. People need to have their own lives, even when in a relationship. Some people's lives mingle perfectly; others need their own time. Perhaps you guys need more time away from each other, but aren't afforded that luxury due to living together. Either way, talk to him and, again, I recommend taking sally's advice on setting that deadline. She's good with things like this, at least in my opinion.
he spends 24/7 on the computer, barely speaking to me and never spends time together. I understand him having time to his self but only giving your partner a half hour slot a day sucks. every time it's come up, I'm laughed at, dismissed or he says nothing. I think he just isn't willing to change.
A relationship requires work from both people.. if he isn't willing to put in the work, is he worth your time?
Ouch. He isn't putting any effort into the relationship and is too comfortable. Does he work, or is it literally every waking moment at the computer (except for sex(?), comfort breaks, eating and sleeping)? I would give him an ultimatium. "Either put some effort into showing you care about us and our growth together or you're out in Oct. No effort, then friend zone his ass into room mate status.
he works, but at most, four shifts a week. even our sex life suffers, because yes, it literally is all he does. I've tried to iniate sex a few different times a day and have been turned down, and left to wait until he wants to. I've never been a fan of ultimatums tho, lol. always feels like blackmail to me, but I will make sure I discuss it with him.
Please dont take this the wrongs way. I think you have ''cried wolf'' and he dosnt think you will leave him. I might of read it wrong but you have told him several times that you are going to leave but you never left. You dont sound like your happy and it sounds like you have tried to work things out.
Just keep in mind that if its meant to be, itll last.... Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you need more of a relationship to continue being serious... If he dont want it then, there ya go... it wasnt meant to be... If he does try then congratulations, youve got something a lot of other people dont have, and thats real love. Best of luck, and get r dun. Sent from my GT-P3113 using Grasscity Forum mobile app