Conflicted

i don't know.

 

I hate giving this advice because I'm often-times one of those people that can't take it myself, but you should really stop trying to contact him. Wait to see how long it takes for him to contact you. You don't necessarily need to keep it up long term, but at least see how long it takes for him to realise you're not around.

As for the rest of it, I kind of understand, except in my situation it's long distance ALL the time. He and I, toward the end of this month, if not already, are going on a 2 year love affair. I've had a boyfriend in the midst of it because we have never established an "us". We're an "us" when I visit, we'll often talk 24/7, we talk about things I can't talk about with hardly anyone else on levels that are unmatched by anyone else for sure... but it's too complicated of a situation. I'm luckily in a position where I can write him a letter as opposed to calling him, and I'm laying our entire situation and my issues with it out on the line.

As for yours, like I said, wait it out, let him come to you... It'd be easy for me to tell you to ask him where you stand, let him know what your feelings are, and all those things that women like to talk about, but the stereotypical situation usually leaves things not ending too well when things go like that.

Basically, I gave you no advice, except to make him miss you, but it's hard to give advice on the rest when I'm in such a similar boat.

 

He's doing everything right, but he's just not talking to you, right? And you wonder what that means.

Well, it means he likes a lot x a lot, but he's not sure if he loves you.

May be he's never been in love.

Do you guys say 'I love you.' to each other?

 

I'm not a huge fan of tests like cutting off contact with him. I don't like games like that.

If you love him you should tell him and see how he reacts. Hiding your feelings and keeping them buried will only prolong the situation. I do agree that it's a conversation you should have in person in a month rather than over the phone immediately.

You say "labels don't matter much to you" but look where you are without them. You have no idea where you stand with one of the more important people in your life

 

Thats true, you don't need to look at "labels" so negatively since they are only there to let you know where you stand, not just to be immature about it.

He also sounds really shy, I remember the first girl I went out with I wasn't able to initiate things or make any moves because I was shy, its like something was stopping me from doing what I wanted to do because of some subconscious worries I guess I had.

I don't know how but try and get him to take the initiative more, like try and get him to decide on things and just anything that will make him more in control, if things work out for you and I hope they do.

 

just talk to him about it. He hasn't had many close relationships like yours, and doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to you.

I'm was in a similar situation, just "dating" a guy, but in the end, I had to leave him after a year, because we were both insecure about getting serious (he was leaving for vet school). we were trying harder to keep things "casual" when our efforts could have been spent talking about reality.

we didn't talk to 4 months, and then he finally called me up saying he missed me very much and he wanted me to be a part of his life again, even just as friends. My advice would be to tell him your feelings, now. Don't wait around and play games. If you want an answer, demand it right now. Don't waste your time just guessing.

Communication is everything in relationships. Good luck

 

Tell him the truth, it's better to get it out now then another year down the road when you're even more emotionally invested.

Don't make a big deal out of it, but make yourself clear. Something like: 'I thought we'd grow apart when I went off to school, but I miss you loads and I've come to realize that I love you, and I hope that you feel the same.

That should get you a yes or no answer if he has one to give. If not, he'll at least know how you feel and can think about it.

 

Go and see him again, go out like you always did, pack a bowl, laugh and chill together. Then tell him how you feel, and see what he says. If he's shy then you may have to make the first move. It sounds like a true love story to me, Mighty Jah bless you both and protect you and I and I hope it turns out for the best

 

Woah woah woah woah woah. I've been in a few longterm/serious relationships, my best advice here...COMMUNICATE. So far it seems you guys essentially are just glorified best friends. And that's fine and all, but you have strong feelings...you want him to be your lover, correct?

If you want to have intimacy on that level communication is definitely key. Are you sure that he's reciprocating these feelings? How could you be without asking? I would suggest maybe writing to him...a long message about how wonderful the times you've been together have been etc, etc, but tell him you are curious as to what goes on underneath.

My guess is, since you said you're pretty much the first, he's shy in perusing the romantic aspect of the relationship. He may even be a little insecure. He may feel the exact way you feel. You should take the initiative to find out though, because he's either feeling the same anxiety you feel or he's an ass and he's not giving it much thought. You owe it to yourself and that relationship to find out.

I hope it all works out in whatever you decide to do...but I hope you just talk. Talking and communicating will do wonders. We cannot go based upon feelings alone...our hearts and our minds need to be expressed especially if you expect to share that part of yourself with someone. Good luck, sweetie.

 

Straight up ask him about his feelings for you. I was in a situation just like yours and at first everything was too good to be true. Then one day he stopped texting me so I confronted him instead of guessing and he admitted that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I had to initiate everything and yeah, he went along with it mostly just because he liked my FRIENDSHIP and company in general. He didn't want to be alone. That could be the case.

As hard as it may seem, don't contact him first. Do your thing but don't flaunt it in his face, just be genuinely happy with other aspects of your life and everything will fall into place after that.

 

I don't usually like it either, but girls can become pretty self-conscious when they're constantly the ones contacting a guy. We start to overanalyze, we wonder if the only reason we're talking to them is because we contacted them...
It's nice to know that the person would still contact you if you didn't initiate it first. I'm not saying to do it over some long period of time... just once is usually enough to make you feel better.

Like I said before, though... I'd be horrible at giving advice for the rest of it.

 

sounds like, in the beginning, you were very secure with the relationship. in the back of your mind, somewhere, you knew you were the pursued. now it's kind of unknown. you went away and he didn't pursue you actively. he probably doesn't want to get attached himself, thinking, with no label or any significant discussion, you'll find someone else. he's probably just as confused as you are. now you have to question wether if you're looking for the gratification in knowing he feels the same way or if you're looking to somewhat secure a stronger relationship. maybe talk about your feelings, have an honest relationship, communication is key, this will truly help resolve any differences and doubts. good luck!