Oh my God.... Something very similar happened to me regarding the third story. I had new, clean clothes, a new haircut and had spent a lot of time trying to look good, because I was 16 and this was my first job interview. It wasn't my birthday, though, but the problem was that my brother is a self-absorbed, unapologetic cunt scab who does whatever he wants because he honestly believes he should be allowed to, and anyone who says otherwise is "retarded." When I left the house to get on my bike and ride to the interview, the fucker jumps out from around the corner of the back of the houses and douses me with the garden hose. That was the second time I've put him in the hospital.
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML Lmao so fucked up! alot of these are funny as shit, while others are pretty lame!