Catch the soaking wet guy in his underwear?

Not if I have anything to do with it.


After an epic night of booze and shenanigans at Rebulik in Calgary which included being invited on stage to party and free drinks under Andy's iLLs tab me and a few friends were not at all in the mood to hit the hay. Hotel afterparty!!


So me, my friend S and J and the harlots we had lured from the bar with promises of pool parties, joints, and liquor stumbled the streets of Cow Town towards our hotel. The next half hour or so was uneventful aside from the determination it was breeding inside me to find a way into that fucking pool that was taunting from 3 stories below.

The outdoor pool sits above the lobby on the 3rd floor of the hotel, and we tried everything. Climbing down was our first choice, but J's coordination sent chills down my spine as he stepped over our balcony ledge. We called that plan off immediately.

J and his girl claimed it was impossible to get into that pool and the fucking quitters went to bed. This just made me more determined. The neighboring parkade was about the right height, but it involved slipping through the roof of the parkade and barbed wire about 12 inches apart.

I led the parade out the front and over the barrier to the parkade. The fence wasn't a huge problem and aside from a few cuts and scrapes we made it onto the roof beside the hotel. A quick hop over a bar and we were there.

"Impossible nothing!" I shouted at J who was probably swimming in something(one) else and not interested in out pool escapades at the moment. Other people were though. J's spiderman moment and our incessant shouting had drawn a small crowd to the balconies of their room.

"Pool hours are hereby claimed negotiable...Meet us at the door!"

A few people headed down from their rooms swimming trunks and towels in hand to join us in our adventure. They were mildly more prepared attire-wise, but clothing isn't stopping us now...the rest of us went in our underwear.


Pool was great, we built a waterslide out of deck chairs and a few people donated their skin testing it out but it was getting boring. Fairly anti-climatic.

Enter: The Police.

"Get outta the pool!"

And realizing their night was probably up all the half assers and S's girl left with one of the cops back into the hotel to get their peepee slapped and sent to bed. Which left me, S, and my girl swiming laps in the middle of the pool trying to avoid the reaching arms of the other cop and Colonel Sanders, the hotel manager.

"The water's nice, come on in guys."

"Hey Colonol, your mustache needs a wash. Ya got some boogers"

"Whatcha gonna do? Come in and grab us?"


This went on for a few minutes, but alas the lack of excitement was getting to me. We climbed outta the pool and my girl sacrificing herself went and grabbed our clothes and headed in. A quick hop over the railing me and S were on the other roof and we scurried up the chainlink to shouts of the cop who was in pursuit. The Colonel was too fat to hop and railings and already tuckered out from the jog across the roof so he went in to eat biscuits and presumably look for my girl, who got off scott free cause we ran.

Climbing through barbed wire in jeans and with footwear isn't too bad you just gotta be careful. Try it in your underwear soaking wet while running from someone. We got maimed.

We never heard the cop hit the chainlink so we figured we went back into the hotel for his backup and would meet us at the bottom of the parkade. We booked it down the stairs and headed for the back entrance of the parkade.

"Stop! Police!"

Hahaha we're in it now man, i'm not going to the drunk tank in my underwear. We decided to split and run opposite ways down the alley, both still dripping wet and running through the streets in nothing but the skivvies. I turn to see only one cop, and he's going the same way as S. Awesome.

I loop back and head up into the parkade, stopping to admire the brightly spray painted van rocking and squeaking on the street below me. Hippies like it rough apparently.

I trudge back through the pool entrance and up to my room to find me girl still waiting for me and trying to figure out how to roll a joint. If she wasn't in another city and I wasn't leaving the country in a few weeks i'd think she was a keeper.

We capped the night off with extremely excited drunk high sex and fell asleep shortly after.


The next morning I wanted to be nowhere but outta that hotel, and S apparently ran around for a bit, then walked straight through the hotel lobby. Being sure to wave at the night security guard and make another comment about the boogers on Sander's stache. Kids got style.


TL;DR
I'm going to be your new daddy.

Cool story away.

 

It took everything I had not to burst out laughing while running away. Alls that went through my head was "You're never gonna catch me" in that greased up deaf guy voice.

 

Yeah dude, it was a deadbolt....Just the 4 people I was with hopped through the barbed wire and we let the rest in via the door.

 

Haha this shit. I wish most nights were as good as this one.