Hi, I'm new to grass city, this is my first post. This is kind of a long story, and I'm really not at all a weed smoker anymore... but the reason I'm here explaining this, is because, well.. I want to be. When i was in grade 10, I began smoking weed. All of my buddies at the time, and even now, are quite huge stoners. I smoked pretty regularly from around age 16 or 17 untill around 20, when I had a horrible expreince while high. This is why I am here. To this day I have not been able to relate to ANYONE, online, or in person about this experience. Here is how I felt: - I was no longer who I thought I was - I was watching myself and feeling as if I was my own judge of my whole life - I ahd epiphany after of epiphany depicting myself as a complete waste of life and I was utterly useless. - All accomplishments and strengths I thought I had locked down were false - I viewed fragments of my entire life, as if I was able to see my subconcious' perspective, realizing all sorts of things about certain past situations like "oh.. i actually was totally wrong about that" or "oh.. that person actually didn't like me at all, they were just pretending to like me" or "oh... so I'm really NOT talented at all" (i'm a musician in a professional, label signed act that tours in Canada) - Everything I thought I knew or liked about myself, was wrong It was like my brain was telling me "OH.. So you thought you knew yourself? Well think again, buddy. You're not AT ALL who you think you are. You're in fact utterly useless and ANYONE could accomplish the things you have". My sense of pride, well being, grounding, and drive was dimished. Needless to say this scared me a lot, and sent me into a depression for the entire high. And since this happened, I Actually tried to smoke pot at least on 6 or 7 different occasions. All turning out the same way. Each time I would try to ground myself and tell myself "YOURE FINE. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD".. I would go back to the same place I left off when I was last stoned. I have not smoked in over a year, because I am afraid to. These symptoms don't last longer than the high. When I wake up in the morning, I'm alright. I remember a few of these false realizations and epiphanys, but they do not bother me after a couple of days. Does anyone know what this is or how I can get over it? and why I was able to smoke weed for so long and enjoy it with my friends. It really kills me to hang out with my bros and have to say "no thanks" every time a bong or a joint is headed my way
Sometimes.. I make myself giggle thinking the people behind these posts are the christian forum people trolling us stoners
Wow, thanks guys. This isn't a joke. If I wanted to "spread the word" I'd have gone door to door. Not to an online weed community. Nice to know you give a shit though.
Sup bro if wat ur saying is true that's some messed up high, nothing like that has ever happened to me I just get high lol, but if that's the case I suggest maybe not smoking weed for some reason it dong react kindly with you anymore. However if you do wanna experiment on ways of getting high without the 'experience' try maybe mixing it in with a cig (if you smoke em) nd go heavier on the cig who knows may work having only a little weed inside a cig, wat I'm saying sounds stupid to me but you never know, but like I said I suggest maybe not smoking weed for you.
Sounds like depersonalization. You are the judge of your life. Not the only one, because everyone judges. But the only important one. Epiphany implies truth. Have you soberly considered these epiphanies? What are your thoughts on them? They are not false, but they are not determinate of anything. They cannot exist now as anything more than a memory. It is great to remember them, but they do not define you. They are not who you are. You can use the experiences to guide your decisions, but it is fruitless to identify yourself with them. If you meet someone from an African tribe who (for argument's sake) understands English, but has no idea what your past experiences mean, how do you tell them who you are? Those situations don't exist anymore and are, quite frankly, a waste of time to dwell on. This can only be avoided through distraction or practicing controlling your thoughts - meditation. Maybe not wrong, but unidentified? It is good to realize your own humility, but don't let it affect your self-confidence. Instead, use it as your drive. Yes, anyone could have done what you did. So what can you do that others can't? Telling yourself, "it's all in my head," will do you no good when the issue is in your head. You are stating the obvious, but not understanding it. Weed can be the catalyst to self-realization. If you're not ready, it can be frightening. Everything changes, and we don't always know what, why, or the effects. I only worked off of what I knew and my own assumptions, so anything that doesn't feel right, feel free to point it out.
Weed doe's affect people differently. But I understand your getting at. It's all in your head perhaps.
Damn that sucks bro. ive had similar expierences but it doesnt happen anytime i get high. Maybe your over thinking dont think jsut relax. Next time you smoke think positive. Like the accomplishments youve made you gotta realize not anyone can do that you gotta have some talent to be professionall signed and tour cannada. Also welcome to the site hope to see ya often GC is fucking hilarious i always have a good time on GC. I find myself wasting hours just visiting diffrent threads.
This sounds like a deeper issue that needs to be sought out internally, Cannabis is used a lot of introspection aka being aware of thy self. You say you didn't no longer know your identity, that is depersonalization. This means that the drug in giving you an altered perception of seeing reality differently as you'll normally see it, welcome to gaining an inner world. Judging yourself? You are the painter and the painting is your life, you have the ability to edit as much as you want it to be. Epiphanies and calling yourself a failure? You think you're utterly useless because you're automatically making yourself feel that way, this seems related to a self esteem issue. Subconscious? You're letting emotions overpower your mind, here's some advice: take Omega 3, 5-HTP, modify your diet with healthy foods (what you eat affects your mood), start exercising and drink a lot of water. This is all resulted by conflict that needs to be developed sober and having intrapersonal, weed is giving you hints of your problems that you're avoiding, you need to face them in able to enjoy it again.
All this ^^ A lot of things with weed have to do with your mindset, too. Be relaxed when you're smoking and don't worry about what might happen, and it proboably won't.
My MIL can't smoke weed anymore because she says it makes her depressed. She hasn't gone in to great detail with me but it must be pretty bad. She used to smoke all the time but says it's no longer worth it. She wishes she could smoke and be happy like most people but she can't. I hope you can figure something out. Good luck!
Weed affects everyone differently. I feel depressed once in awhile while high when I'm actually not pay it no mind and think about something else.