Can't shake this depression/anger

Just try mental stillness meditation man.. close your eyes and try to calm your mind of all thoughts. Do this for 5-10 minutes at a time. It won't cure depression, but this technique has taught me how to calm myself if I start getting depressive thoughts. I hardly ever get them anymore and I used to be pretty suicidal (not cutting or anything.. but sometimes I would think about how I could ease my pain the easiest). Eventually meditation will instill optimism in your mindset.

 

^ what he said.

And try to keep positive thoughts, man.

 

sending good vibes your way bro.

expect to feel better by noon! your welcome

 

You are asking something that is very personal with vague details. You may receive vague advice which may or may not work. The feelings you feel come from a root problem. You need to be a hell of lot more descriptive and open if you hope to get the advice I feel you are looking to find. My advice, based on the information given, you need to spend time with people you've made connections with over a long period of time. Asking anonymous people to help you is fine, but it sounds like you need some fine-tuning. If you are too uncomfortable talking to anyone, then go to a Catholic priest in a confessional. You sound like you need someone to listen. They will give you mantras and meditations as well.

 

you should try ice I hear there is a lot of that where you are that would work great for you it will pick you right back up

 

Hey man.

What is your diet like? The kind of foods we eat have a greater impact on our mood and clarity than most people realize. It would probably help you to include more fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet. They neutralize acidity in your blood and lymph stream and basically work to break up old tensions and built-up metabolic waste that can often lead to a down or angry mood.

Also, this may sound cliche, but also try to get some kind of exercise. Stretching out is very important... we hold tensions and old emotions in our body. Old emotions are stored in our cells and muscle fascia (connective tissue in our muscles) as tension. So a good 5-10 minute (minimum) stretching routine or yoga practice will really help to help you start to feel better in your day to day life. I'll post a couple good online yoga teachers I use at the bottom in case you are interested.

But these are the more surface level of the issues - feeling physically and mentally better through the body. The root of the problems, as you know, are somewhere in the mind. The only way you are going to get out of this situation is to know the nature of the situation itself - what is bugging you, etc. You can't fix the hole in the boat if you don't first know where the hole is, you know what I mean. But whatever is bothering you in your conscious/unconscious mind is what you probably have to work through. There are multiple ways of doing this.

For one, it would probably help if you had someone close to talk to and share how you feel and so on. Share what you're going through. Talking to someone completely and honestly like this is incredibly therapeutic, and really takes the load off of your shoulder. Even if the person doesn't have advice, just them listening to you is incredibly helpful, and it might also help you work out some of what you're going through as you are talking and letting your honest self process what's going on.

But this isn't possible for everyone. You can also meditate. There are different types of meditation. You should do two types of meditation. They are calm abiding meditation and insight meditation. Calm abiding meditation is a gradual slowing of the incessent though patterns that cloud our mind constantly, this meditation makes you essentially forget all of your problems, and gets you in a very clear and often times blissful state of mind. Insight meditation is just you observing your mind without getting detached. It is called insight because you will gain insight into your self - what kind of thoughts you think, how they make you feel, where they stem from etc. And you will also gain insight into the fact that all of your thoughts are conditioned - they were caused by something, they are just a result of a cause and effect. You will also learn that all thoughts are impermanent and pass away, so in the end you shouldn't take them too seriously. When you see that they are like clouds passing in the sky, and your clear awareness is the sky, then you are at a vantage to ignore the passing clouds and choose your own, more positive and helpful thoughts.

I think that doing these two meditations can be really helpful for you. Doing the Calm Abiding meditation, over time you will find that you will be in a very calm, peaceful and comfortable state of mind and body. And by doing the Insight meditation, you will learn to observe your thoughts and feelings as they are but from a detached perspective. And this space will be vital to helping you gain some clarity on why you feel and act like you do, and also perhaps what you can do about. Only you really know you, and it might sound cliche but all of the answers really do lie within you. If you really want to change for the better, which I know you do, you can do it.

So, Calm Abiding meditation - sit on some kind of cushion so that your hips are elevated a little off the ground. I use 2 or 3 pillows, you can also use a folded comforter etc. Sit cross legged on the ground with that cushion under you, so that your hips is above your knees. This will make it very comfortable, easy and natural for you to sit with a pretty good posture. You can sit just regular cross-legged style, or, what would be even better (more stable) is if you can sit in the half-lotus position (look it up on google). So first you sit. Posture straight but not excessively strained. You want to feel balanced and comfortable. Keep you eyes about a foot or 2 on the ground in front of you, and your eyelids half closed. If you find it too hard to concentrate you can even close them if you want. The object of Calm Abiding meditation is to place your attention consistently on one "object" of consciousness - and every time you find your attention following thoughts or some bodily sensations, bring your attention gently back to this object. For the object, we will use your breath combined with a mantra. Start to try to breathe slower and deeper, using your diaphragm. And watch your breath. In and out. On the in breath, mentally hear the mantra "soo". On the out-breath, mentally hear the mantra "hummm". SO-HUM. This will keep your attention occupied. When you find your mind following thoughts, bring it back to the breath and the mantra. Do this for at least 10 minutes. The longer you do it the better the results. That's why it's important to get your body comfortable.

Doing this, I can personally testify that it is possible to reach very high levels of mental quiet, feelings of peace, lightness, and just overall goodness. The longer you do it, the more absorbed you will get into the breath/mantra, and the more absorbed you get, the better you will feel. Don't be discouraged if nothing special happens the first time - it is like any other skill. Keep at it and in a few days you'll be sure to experience great levels of mental calm and clarity.

Either directly after this, or at another time, try insight meditation. You can be in a floor crosslegged position, or you can do this in a chair, lying down or whatever. The goal here, instead of focusing on one object, is to focus on no objects at all. It might help to be subtly aware of your breath. But the purpose here is just to sit down and observe your mind - don't run away from it. Just be detached and watched clouds of thought float past. Observe them, and let them go. Observe your own mental chatter, but be the witness, not the thoughts themselves, nor the thinker. Just a 3rd party watching these thoughts. Like I said, you are the clear open sky and these thoughts and feelings just pass through. This is not designed to get you in a feel-good state, so that's why it might be nice to do this right after Calm Abiding. But with this clarity, you will start to see yourself more clearly and then you will be in a better position to help yourself and know what you have to do.


So give those meditation practices a shot. They should help a lot both to uplift your feelings and also to gain greater insight as to why you feel like you do and what is really bugging you - is it something in the past, worry about the future, a combination? etc. The most important step to getting out of this is wanting to get out of this - and you want to. And you clearly do want to move forward or else you wouldn't have made this post. So you'll be just fine. Just be easy on yourself, remember to be relaxed, and

So to sum it all up: eat more fruits and vegetables (makes a big difference on your mood - also try to cut back on junk foods like fast food, processed sweets etc. they really bring you down), do a little more exercise, stretch, do calm-abiding meditation to get into a good clear state of mind/body and insight meditation to learn more about yourself, and find a good confidant to talk to about your life in general - find a good listener, or even go to a therapist - there's no shame in that, I did and it helped a lot, just to have an open nonjudgmental ear.

These together should really help a lot - I have done and tried all of these things and they have all helped tremendously to pull me out of a place of depression I was in a couple years ago. I can testify to the power of these things. But the most important factor is you wanting to improve your situation, and you have that, so you will be just fine.

Two more important things too. After you start doing insight meditations and watching your thoughts, as well as eating better and stretching out old tensions, you might start to experience old "stuff" coming up. People that hurt you, people you hurt, regrets, etc. Things that you may have never really moved on from and still linger in your subconscious. We all have these things. The most important thing, in my opinion, when you come across these things, is forgiveness. It is important that you find it in you to forgive anyone from your past, and more important that you forgive yourself, for all your self-perceived failings, mistakes, etc. NOBODY is perfect - anyone that might have hurt you only did so because they are hurt too, and same with you. Accept that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, forgive everyone, and come to peace in your heart. That is very important. Myself forgiving my dad for years of emotional abuse was one of the most healing things I'd ever done - because I realized that his own troubled past that he never got over was the real root of his misery, and it was just spreading to me. Everyone has their shadow side - forgive them all. We all really just want to be happy, including you, and holding resentments is a sure way to block that happiness.

Also, it might help to start thinking of what direction you want to take your life. Think about it when you are alone, in a peaceful place, maybe even after some good Calm Abiding meditation, when you are in a nice and clear state. Don't be limited to what people around you expect. Be honest with yourself. What would you really like to spend your days doing? How will you provide for food clothes and shelter? Don't be afraid to think outside the box - you only live once in life. Doing what you love with your days, or moving in the direction to pursue a passion, is also incredibly fulfulling. So if you can start to work out some kind of direction for your life, it may also help incredible.

I hope this advice helps man. Feel free to hit me up on PM if you want to talk more. Just know that you can get yourself out of this if you really want to, and I really think you do. Just do things that are good for yourself, and also try to see the good in other people. Remember that every tree has a shadow, and every person has a shadow side.

Take it easy man Peace

 

whats up papa...fellow manic here...check last posts in my spiritual growth thread...I think youll like the info.

 

Sorry to hear that OP. Depression sucks real bad...I know.

Well, that's fucked up of them to say that.

 

I dont think people understand what we can in that heightened state of being....I get to the point that I talk in metaphor and all that....which is perfectly sound logic to me....but a different level of awareness to everyone around me....plus many other things.

That site/forum the Icarus Project looks real good for people like us...haha....check it out. I look forward to finding out way more from these folks.