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Breaking up help/advice, I'm lost ):

Discussion in 'General' started by Silemanx, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. This is weird asking for relationship advice on GC, but whatever.
    This is long, don't worry, there'll be a TL;DR

    So, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and I don't know if it's me or him, but one of us is changing. I no longer feel like I "love" him, but he still really loves me. He'll come to my house and bring me flowers all the time, and he'll tell me all these really sweet things that most girls complain their boyfriend never does. But we have no common interests at all, he likes Magic the Gathering, and I think that's the nerdiest thing in the world, and that's one of things he can't stop talking about. He also really likes to spend time at this arcade, and socialize with people for hours, and go to fighting game tournaments, and DDR. I mean, I like DDR, it's alright, and I used to be good at it.
    He never wants to smoke weed with me, but I think that's okay. He doesn't have an imagination and never understands any of my philosophical ideas, and refuses to embark in these types of discovery type conversations. He rarely comes to my house, and I normally have to drive to his, where he spends most of his time staring at his computer, while I just sit next to him trying to encourage him to reply to something I say. Then, out of no where, he'll swoon me into having sex with him, and lately our sex life has really died down (for me) he still seems to be really into it.
    He's also a really weak guy, like, I'm really physical with my friends, if I tell a joke I'll slap their shoulder really lightly but quickly, and no one complains about that except him. He'll say I hurt him. I'm 5'2, he's 6'2, how can I freaking hurt him? He punches me all the time jokingly, and I never say it hurt. He also never responds to my texts or calls. It'll be three days and no response.
    I dunno, I really don't want to hurt him. He says that if I ever broke up with him he'd kill himself or become a stalker. I'd like to be his friend, but at the same time I don't know if I really don't love him. I mean there are so many things he does that I really hate. He's an annoying asshole half the time, and a romantic the other. I kind of wish I'd just die so I wouldn't have to break up with him myself. I need advice.

    TL;DR: I have a really annoying yet nice boyfriend of 3 years, and I recently found out I don't love him, but I love him enough to not want to hurt him, what should I do? Dx
     
  2. Yeah sometimes it's hard to get out of a long relationship, but you sound like you need it

    Just give him all the reasons you told us :confused_2: don't beat around the bush or pretend to get pissed off at him as an excuse, because that shit sucks. Give it to him straight that you dont feel an attraction towards him anymore.
     
  3. It sucks. I want to leave him, but as soon as I start imagining what life will be like without him I get really sad. And that's the main reason I'm confused. If I really didn't love him, wouldn't I not care or know it's a good thing to move on?
     

  4. You just got used to him, he's been in your life for so long that it's like he's become a part of you. But obviously from the sound of it it's a part that needs to be removed. Yeah you'll be sad for a while, that's natural, that's change.

    But look at it this way, what are you going to do, stay with him forever because of his feelings?

    How can you move onto something better?

    Hope this helps, good luck, break ups are never easy.
     
  5. its so hard to tell someone wat to do here. we've all seen friends/family members in bad relationships, but can we really give good advice?

    you know what you need to do. so do it.
     
  6. Simple answer is talk to him about it.
    Not much he can do if he doesn't know anything's wrong.
     
  7. Any advice will help me. This is my FIRST relationship ever. Now I don't know HOW to break it to him. A letter? In person? And then after I tell him would I just leave? This is so confusing. :(
     
  8. [quote name='"Silemanx"']Any advice will help me. This is my FIRST relationship ever. Now I don't know HOW to break it to him. A letter? In person? And then after I tell him would I just leave? This is so confusing. :([/quote]

    In person.

    "Hey..we need to talk. I just don't feel anything between us anymore, I think its time we move on. < You improv at this point>"
     
  9. shit just got real.
    [​IMG]
     
  10. My buddy just went through the exact same thing. He was with this girl for 3 years. They both broke it off and now they're both the happiest ive seen in a very long time. Your bf probably just said he would kill himself or stalk you to make you stay with him. ITS YOUR FIRST BF DONT WASTE ANYMORE TIME WITH HIM YOUR NOT GONNA MARRY HIM. 3 years of your life has already passed you could have done so much in that time period.
     
  11. Also if this is your first time breaking up with him. Youll def get back together, but youll just become unhappy again.
     
  12. Guys move on quicker than women (IMO) so maybe hell take it rough but hell get over it eventually
     
  13. Relationships run their course.
    It's time to move on.
     
  14. Don't make your decision *not* to go ahead with it, about guilt you feel.
    Talk to him, as some have said - Tell him how you feel, and that you don't want to hurt him by doing this.

    From what I've read you're two pretty different people and to be honest from the look of it, he's getting all the benefits of having a girlfriend just by occasionally being romantic towards you, when most of the time it seems like he's distant or stuck on a pc and not talking to you.
    Now I'm not saying couples have to spend ALL their time talking to eachother or have some constantly flowing conversation but yeah it shouldn't be at the point it's so little that it's a concern to you.

    If you stayed with him out of pity etc, you're really only doing the both of you a disservice.
    You sound like you've "grown apart", or maybe just grown to the point you've taken everything into account and realised what it currently is, isn't what you want it to be.

    So yeah. Converse. You've explained it well enough here - Perhaps if you say all of this stuff the two of you can try to work it out, or perhaps not.

    ...and hey, if he decides to get all suicidal or become a psycho over this when you've tried to handle it like an adult, then well...he was a volatile person in the first place and your decision to leave would be a good one. Can't take any blame for erratic behaviour, and you can't let the threat of it control decisions you need to make to look out for your own life.

    Though yeah, never underestimate getting results from clear communication - I'd always advocate that as a first step.
     
  15. Well i tried to talk to him about our problems and he started acting really childish and he was like, "when you talk about these things it just makes us more distant,". This is going to be so hard, he doesn't understand ):
     
  16. I don't see the logic there at all...things are already distant from what you've said, and you were trying to approach him about it all, and he's being dismissive of your concerns.
    At this point I'd say you've done all you can.
    He's happy with the way things are, and you are not.
     
  17. Then this is the point you just downright say 'I've had enough' and break up with him.
    If he tries any of that suicidal shit just ignore him, people like that rarely do anything drastic.
     
  18. Yeah, you put the cards on the table and he just got all pissy. Your next move should most likely be ending the relationship. You could try one more serious talk if you want to try, but you will need to be firm and come to a better understanding. Nor sure it would be worth it though because he seems be stuck in his own world and for whatever reason there is no room in it for anyone else. Its easy to get comfortable in a long relationship, but don't deal with bullshit if the person won't even hear you out when problems arise. No relationship is perfect and the key to a soul mate is finding someone who you can go through good and bad times.
     
  19. Yeah, you put the cards on the table and he just got all pissy. Your next move should most likely be ending the relationship. You could try one more serious talk if you want to try, but you will need to be firm and come to a better understanding. Nor sure it would be worth it though because he seems be stuck in his own world and for whatever reason there is no room in it for anyone else. Its easy to get comfortable in a long relationship, but don't deal with bullshit if the person won't even hear you out when problems arise. No relationship is perfect and the key to a soul mate is finding someone who you can go through good and bad times.
     
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