brain sergery not rockit sceince

that is exactly right! they would say which lew is it going to be today...

 

so im going thru the shit...i still have seizures even on the meds....it turns out that my body pushes out the dilanton and i have an extremely high tolerance to it ... so i end up having grand mal sesures due to the dilanton levels dropping these would be the frist of those... i would wake up in the hospital tied to a bed? no idea how i got there?
when i came to they would untie me and i would leave...now as im leaving i have people telling me i cant leave "no no no you cant go" so i simply tell them...fuck you stop me?... and i leave...

now i get home and find out that i apparently beat the shit out of the paramedics and who knows who elts? i was told by the wife that i rolled off the bed she looked over and there i was twitching on the floor... she called ambulance they took me to hospital after much struggle to get me there and many people it took to tie me down when i would come out of grand mal i would still be in partial so i was blacked out but fighting everyone! the last time it took 3 cops and 4 or 6 paramedics i forget witch they told me ... and then 18 people in the er to tie me down?,,,all this would happen at 12 1 am or so i would get up out of hospital at 3 or 4 with docs telling me i cant leave and be on the roof working when the sun came up!!!!

i was told that i have pissed in the parimedics bag...and kicked there asses!!! up untill now i had been training in martial arts for some time and was phiscaly in great shap and hurting people!!! so i decided to top training for awile

when the comstruction work died out i worked at the ship yard building scafold always way up in the air ...i love dangerous jobs? dont know why but i love them!!!!


much more to come!

 

ok so back on track...i wanted off the dilantin...but couldn't get doc to change it with out spending 5 days in hospital? so shit is getting worse and me and the wife are fighting ...i leave and start just walking and walking she txt me and wants to meet at at park to talk... we get there and shit dont go well so i leave on foot still walking she follows me in truck(explorer) and keeps stoping next to me now i cant remember exactly what i may or may not have said to provoke this but i do remember it ... i keep walking ...she keeps pulling over almost hitting me trying to get me to get in the truck....i keep walking...the last time as she is pulling over twords me i ran at the truck and put my knee intentionally thru the front grill... she yelled i yelled and she left and went home ...i kept walking... a few min latter the cops come and stop in front of me... i had enough weed in my pocket to roll a nice sized blunt...

cop gets out and says step over here i need your id and have to pat you down...
i say no you dont! you got no reason to bother me im just walking down the road bothering noone... he said we will search you my supervisor will be here in a min... again i say why you have no reason to search me go find a real criminal and stop bothering me! he said to me"YOU MATCH THE DESCRIPTION OF SOMEONE INVOLVED IN A DISTURBANCE" so supervisor shows up and dude pats me down feels weed in my pocet and sayes whats this? i say none of your business! he says i know what it is i say if you know why are you asking? he tells me to take it out ... i tell him no he says something to the affect of he can go in and get it and i tell him thats the only way your getting it ...is to go in after it himself... he takes it out of my pocket and is so proud of him self all like look what we have here!!!
so i go to jail for possession and also for domestic violence!!! now she was trying to help knowing i was having seizures so her story is that she called them and told them i was having little seizures and asked them to take me to my friends house so i would be safe??? now wtf?so i was in jail a cupple days couldnt get anyone to fight me there ither and i tried ...remember what as asshole the meds makes me!
i got like 1yr probation but got off early for going to some classes and piss tests
she got my friend to bail me out and i was given a restraining order till we went to court i was not supposed to be with in so many ft or her and no contact at all no phone calls no txt mesages nothing...so she tried to call and txt me constantly but i had no contact refused to talk to her in any way till we went to court!
next story will be court that day!!!!


much more to come my brothers and sisters

 

thank you very much all of you!!!

and trust me i will keep it coming guys ...a little latter tho just crawled out of bed!!!

 

first i want to thank you all!!!!sorry i took so long to get back to this...


ok so i got out of jail and stayed with a friend who worked for me..and had been my dealer for several yrs... i refused to talk to her at all had a no contact order and if i spoke to her i could have gone back to jail with a whole new charge... so i go to court and she is there and wants to talk in hall way i wont go near her even tho i want to talk to her very much... we go in and i am the very last case of the day! the judge is telling people that they will never see there family again and "you will never see your wife again" over and over and over and is all dramatic about it like he loves it!!! as he sines off on the paper he throws his hand in the air like he is truly enjoying telling these guys this shit...and i sit and watch this over and over all day!!!! so he gets to me and as i said im last! so he asks her what she has to say and she tells him bout my seizures and that all she wanted cops to do was tale me some place safe to my friends house till seizures where over... he drops domestic violence charges and gives me probation for possession of pot 6 drug tests and some classes ...so sense i wouldnt talk to her because of no contact order she asks him if she can be near me and talk to me now ...he says she can give me big kiss for him right now...so i stand in front of his desk she comes up and i realy put it on her!!! a great big movie style kiss!!! lasted like 2min put on a real show for him!!!!!



so i go home and call the doc...i tell him look man i have been put in jail i almost lost my wife and family im going to end up losing my friends and everyone i care about if you dont get me off this drug!!!!!
so i go in hospital for 5 days and come out on tryleptal...but because i am so incredibly tolerant to all drugs of any kind he has me on the highest does allowed by law...he called it the ceiling dose...most people take between 150 and 200 ml twice a day... i take 1200ml twice a day

and for awhile it worked...


btw when i told you earlier bout having seizures in the middle of the nite waking up and leaving hospital and going to work and learning later that i had beat people up and all that did i mention that this happened every cuppl weeks?for like a yr? maybe longer?

ok so on the tryleptal he also gave me lyrica the combo worked for awile like i said but if i missed a dose bad shit happened....
that will be next


much more to come my brothers and sisters


and again thank you all so much !!!

and never forget! anything is possible!! and you can overcome all difficultys!!!!

 

im 35 now and the first "big"shit when i drove around for acupple hrs and took myself to hospital was 3 ys ago this month so 32?and the day a crashed the f350 was 3 yrs ago dec 15th...i was having tiny partial seizures all my life sense i can remember just didnt know thats what it was? once i described it to the doc thats what he said?but the tiny ones didnt fuck me up ...i think i described them earlier copper taste in mouth funny feeling in stomach rhythmic repetitive sound and visions off to the side like flash back from dreams...and the red light from behind me

i told doc every drug ive ever done he said no way any of them caused this...

when i was 8 i started huffing gas with a cupple other boys until bout 12 the felling from that was very close to the feeling of the little seizures yet he said there is no way the 2 are related? he is the number one seizure neurologist in the country?
but the sound is the same the whole physical feeling is the same alot of similarity!

there was a cupple times like in class at highschool i woke up in class and had been sweating alot...was dripping off desk i was soaked i got up to walk and fell over ...may have had sesure that day and not known?

but i truly honestly miss the little ones that i had for so long until the first big one 3yrs ago they where just a part of my life and i truly enjoyed them?i thought about telling my gma about them a few times ?thought bout telling anyone bout them a few times but just kept it to myself...until that day 3 yrs ago?


more to come much more...and for those who may not know epilepsy rips big holes in your memory so i may be leaving shit out ? anything i remember latter i will add in


sorry if i tell shit out of order or leave shit undone

 

lmao good point!! will keep it in mind

 

thank you very much!!!! and all of you reading along thank you!!! to know others is to be wise ...to know yourself is to be enlightened

so i couldnt drive and construction was dieing off so the wife started working with me...on the roof busting her ass laying shingles really working she was great! and driving that huge work truck she did a great job!

then i found a job working at the ship yard building scaffolding which of coarse was more dangerous by far didnt take long and i was running the crew there and would be standing on a bar 2"around 200 ft in the air working... pulling up parts on a rope 200ft not always that high but often enough sometimes i would only be 30 ft ?... you are supposed to tie off with your harness i wore my harness but never once tied off ? simply have no fear of heights of coarse the doc was not happy...neither was the wife..."what if you have a seizure up there?" fuck it im not letting anything stop me from living!!!
and some where in this time the first few months of this time the wife was becoming very distant she had been alittle distant sense the seizures started but now it was getting bad... try to understand that she had alot to deal with when i was having the seizures from the first day i was very mean to her would call her that fucking bitch and things like that and of coarse i dont remember a bit of it to this day? it reached a point where i felt like i was completely alone ...

no worse feeling than laying in bed next to the person who is supposed to be your partner and knowing you are completely alone!!!! i was pushing everyone away hell i was alone no mater where i went except work? i could be sitting in a room full of people and when i spoke noone would hear me at all it was as if i was not there at all...i reached the point a yr ago where i couldnt take it anymore ...she was so distant to me or from me ....and i know this was all worse on her than me because i cant remember the worst of it at all and she had to remember it all?
i called her from work one day she said she was going to a game to watch our daughter play in the band...said that i wouldnt want to go with her or she would have asked me.....i said with that kind of attitude why would i want to go anywhere with her?may have been having seizures at that moment and not known
she told me to find somewhere to go and move out...


so i made a cupple calls went home and packed my shit and was moved out before she got home...

i went and stayed with my good friend and dealers brother in law right next door to him... i rented a room from them and that was that for awhile? i saw the kids on the week end but not over nite wile i was there...which sucked ...and one morning my ride came to get me for work and i didnt answer the door he knocked on the window and the door to my room and i did not answer? i woke up a few hrs latter.. i remember getting up and dressed for work and thats it but when i woke i was completely soaked in sweat on the floor... my left eye was half full of blood like solid red..i said fuck it didnt go to doc just went to work next day like usual
this was end of october

at this point i started having tiny partial seizures almost every day including up on the scaffold

next post will be bout the"big one"
and some details bout the wife and i between my leaving and what happened in november

 

just a quick one tonite

there was a night when i was talking to the wife i asked her a questgen dont remember what it was but i swar to you what i hear her say was"fuck you" know thats not what she said... i saw her mouth move and i know it didnt match up.... i asked what the fuck did u just say? she said "yes" that was not what i heard at all!!!!this is a blog entry she made on her myspace

Epilepsy
Current mood: determined
Category: Life
I just joined a group here on MySpace for epileptics and their families and this seemed like a good spot to be able to tell our story all the way through one time instead of typing it over and over.
My name is Shannon, and my husband, Lewis, has been diagnosed with epilepsy. We have been together nearly 10 years. We have been through a lot in that time without epilepsy~ ex's, stepchildren, job insecurity, hormonal imbalances, a lost baby, deaths in the family, moving across the country and back and we always made it through because we did it together. This is a whole new battle, and some days we fight it together, some days we fight each other and some days we're both ready to cave in and give up, Epilepsy has been the biggest challenge we have ever faced, and from day to day I still have doubts if we're going to make it through this one together. So here is the story of our journey with the evil bitch called Epilepsy.
August 2006 I woke Lewis on a Saturday morning, wanting to go to the flea market. He was hostile, rude and started yelling at me. Figuring he was just tired and moody, I left him to go back to sleep and got in the shower. He followed me in the bathroom several minutes later and continued to yell at me over some nonsense while I washed my hair and as I was rinsing the shampoo out of my face to ask him what the hell his problem was, he suddenly shook his head, looked at me very confused, and asked how he had gotten in the bathroom. Every 15 minutes that day he would forget the whole morning and I would calmly try to explain to him something was wrong and we needed to go to the hospital. Every time I nearly had him convinced it started over. Some cycles all he could do is point at me and call me a fucking bitch repeatedly until I was out of his line of sight. He left the house while I was busy with the kids, got in his truck and 2 hours later showed up at a hospital that is 15 minutes away. To this day he does not know how he got there or how he lost the fiberglass brush guard off the front of his truck. The hospital told him someone had slipped him a drug, perhaps GHB and sent him home. Nice eh?
Nothing like that happened again until Dec. 15th, 2006 when he crashed that F350 dually diesel into a lady stopped at a red light. Thank God no one was hurt, but he had a seizure while driving, GRINNED at his passenger with a blank stare, and never hit the brakes. He was sent to a hospital over an hour away from where we live, so I rushed to the ER and he didn't know who I was or where he was and the doctors didn't have anything they could tell me. I stayed with him until it was time to get my rear end back home to get the kids from school, got them home and settled and went back to the hospital, where he had finally been admitted. He had no recollection of me being at the ER. I brought him a bag with music, movies, pajames and his blanket from home, and dinner. As soon as we got there he shot out of bed, ripped all the wires off and said, "Time to go home!". At this point he was still undiagnosed and I wasn't taking him home until he was. A very snippy nurse was more concerned about his language than his medical condition and after several hours talking Lewis down and arranging for a male nurse who was former military and could handle the language, I again left that evening to come home and tend to our children. The next day I called him several times, which he rotated from being confused to hostile to "normal". When the kids got home I again got ready to go to the hospital, stopped at Subway and got him his favorite meatball sub, had just pulled out of there when I got a call from him screaming that I hadn't been there to visit since he'd been there, I was a fucking bitch and he wanted a divorce. I told him his sandwich would be in the fridge if he changed his mind. He wouldn't answer his cell phone for several hours. Then he just appeared at home. Apparently I didn't notice him enter the house quick enough, because he instantly started screaming at me how dare I not acknowledge him when he came in the house, that I didn't care that he had been in a wreck and proceeded to punch the door, the mailbox and nearly a neighbor as he stormed down the street. It again took me hours to talk to him logically and ask him how the hell a bag with all his stuff had gotten there if I hadn't brought it to him? Fianlly he told me he had seen a neurologist and was having seizures, more than that neuro had seen back to back in his career. He had been put on Depakote and advised to find a local neurologist to treat him. At this time we had no insurance and quickly scrambled to get on our county plan. Depakote caused unreal photosensitivity to televisions, computers and any kind of flourescent lighting. Overcast days would give him migraines so bad he couldn't function. He was grumpy to say the least, but after the medication he was not hostile. The issue with the headaches got to the point we sought to change the medication, the 2nd neurologist gave him Dilantin. Well, that was a mistake! Talk about hostile! Lewis would try to get in fights with people anywhere, anytime for any reason! He also started having grand mal seizures. The first one he was asleep and I was watching tv. I thought he had simply rolled off the bed and when I looked over the edge to laugh at him I saw that his eyes were rolled back, his body arched and convulsing uncontrollably. It took me and my mother to hold him on his side and call 911. When they arrived the attack was over but he was still not responding. The EMT's got him on his feet and though he was still incoherent, he stumbled to the corner and pissed in the guy's medical bag. Funny in hindsight but I don't think the EMT thought so....
This was the first of several trips to the hospital that Lewis would wake up, be coherent and insist on leaving with or without me. The last one(s) he was in Miami (did I mention yet he was a roofer during this whole year??) I got a frantic call from one of his crew that he was having back to back grand mals and I'd better get down there. I rented a car, left my kids with the neighbor and made a 4 1/2 hour trip in less than 3. The whole way I thought he was going to die or be a vegetable. But no, when I got there he got dressed, said "Hi Babe, time to go!" and we left the hospital yet again. When he got home from Miami a few days later we decided no more being out of town. His crew went back to Miami without him and from then on I was his driver, his crew member and his caretaker. We hired another guy to work with us, who also couldn't drive, so I got my skinny little ass in that F350 and away we went. I felt more comfortable working with him because I could keep an eye on him. And let me tell ya, roofin' is a bitch! LOL During this time I was also dealing with increasing hostility from him. He had never laid a hand on me but began slapping things out of my hands, pushing me and being ridiculously rude to me and anyone else he disagreed with. This led to a weekend in jail for domestic violence. I finally told him to get some help or we were done, and he got his new neurologist to admit him for a video EEG monitor for 5 days. We finally got an accurate diagnosis of complex partial subclinical seizures. They put hium on a drug combination of Trileptal and Lyrica and he was sent home.
Complex partial subclinical seizures are very hard to recognize. He does not know he is having them and sometimes I can tell by the change in his temperment or the "blank" look I get in the middle of a conversation, but unless you know him as well as I do you wouldn't be able to say "Oh look, he's having a seizure!". This is horrible to say, but I wish he had the grand-mal type, at least then I wouldn't question my own sanity so much, I could say "Oh, he's on the floor having a grand mal, I know what to do!" because with the type of seizures he has there is absolutely nothing I can do, I am helpless. His seizures start in the part of the brain that effects memory and personality and travel to his frontal lobe. One day he'll be the sweet, loving, doting husband he's always been, the next a zombie who can barely function, the next a mean, vindictive jerk who I can't stand to be around. Trileptal and Lyrica together worked well to control them, but he was literally a walking, functioning zombie with no desire to do anything but sleep and stare at the wall. Now he is on a generic for Trileptal and no Lyrica because of insurance issues we are trying to get straightened out. His minor seizures that he *is* aware of are back, changes in color, feeling "not there", etc. and we both think he may have had a humdinger of one when he was briefly off his medication when his insurance first got screwed up. He awoke in a pool of sweat, had bitten through both sides of his tongue and his eye was completely hemmoraged on one side. In November 2008 he again had multiple back to back grand mal seizuires and I had to get a court order to force him to go to the hospital. They got him stable and we got him back on the Tripleptal/Lyrica combination and since then he has been stable and feeling pretty good.
2/21/09 will update more when I have time!






more to come my brothers and sisters....much more
remember you can make it thru anything this life tryes to throw at you!!!!