my boyfriend smokes heavily everyday and he admits that his weed addiction is hindering from doing much else. but he says he just wants to have money, and doesn't want to work hard. i suggested for him to go on a detox, for maybe a couple weeks, just so he can have a sense of motivation again. it's day one and he's acting really edgy which is understandable, but he's saying stuff like how he cant enjoy anything if he's not smoking. it's a little concerning and i feel like weed is kind of a distraction for him... distracting him from the fact that he doesn't know what to do with his life, and just avoiding real life responsibilities. is he depressed or just immature? it's really sad for me to see him like this... cus sometimes he'll just get upset that he hasnt done anything productive or worthwhile becuase all he did was smoke weed. i'm not sure how else i can help him or what else i can say without irritating him. i kind of want to leave him, but is it wrong to give up on him like that? is it even my position to help? he seems to want it, but when it comes to not smoking, he's just unbearable, and im trying to be as sensitive as possible
honestly , fuck that loser , leave him ASAP it's not the weed , it's him if he claims that he can't have fun unless he is smoking , then well , he has some serious issues that you can't do anything about . It's on him , there's nothing you can do . you sound like a nice girl , get a new boyfriend
Sounds like he blames weed, while making it an excuse to not live, so he can keep using it. It's the problem, but I like it! They say you never really know what you got til it's gone. Imagine having a kid with that guy. What would you tell your kid when he asked why daddy doesn't give a fuck? And what about you? You're putting his shit before you, but he's not doing the same. Sure he's trying today, sure it'll take probly 2 weeks before he's back to his complete and normal self, but what about you? Ask people this shit all he time in front of the problem who jus sits there like he don't give a fuck. A relationship is an investment and like all investments, there better be a helluva return or else why waste our limited life span trying to fix fucked up people who don't want help? It's like here, I'm do me and you do me too, fuck what you need. Least that's the way I see it when I read shit like this.
this is how my brothers are, it's kind of sad. did the only thing he change about his routine was not to smoke weed? because if he' sitting around doing nothing, thats not really an different from sitting around doing nothing while high. it's natural for humans to get complacent in our routines because we fear change and find comfort in our daily, repetitive formulas. but i've found the best way t live life is to always change it up when your getting to comfortable...he needs to be excited to live life and not just get high all the time. he'll probably have much better high experiences if he can learn to balance his shit out and live a fulfilling life. and if he doesn't know what to do with his life it's probably because he's not chancing change, too. he needs to make some changes, some moves. they may be small at first but he needs to be willing to put himself out there to just learn more about himself, and thus he will probably find it easier to "figure out what he wants to do". this doesn't have to be a straight and narrow path (eg, go to college, get a degree, get a job, work til u retire..e.tc) but you cant even begin on any path until you get comfortable pushing yourself and making changes you might at first be very uncomfortable with. all the best decisions I have ever made that have propelled me to new mindsets and places in my life were ones where i forced myself to just go for it. I mean if he says he "cant enjoy anything if he's not smoking" sounds like he needs to get his mind right...cleared up. sounds like hes been slacking off for too long. the longer you wait the more you feel stuck. he's your bf so its your go how much you care to wait/try to get him out of this slump. if you've tried as hard as you've wanted to, and he's still like this, i'd leave. i've never had a bf like that but i've watched my brothers and I feel bad for them but it's really just their own decision and its sad when you know you could see them happier but they refuse to make changes towards that, but thats how a LOT of ppl are.
Not gonna lie, this just reminded me of myself. I think it might be time to lay off the bud for awhile.
I think he needs to stop blaming weed for being a lazy ,and immature person. I know plenty of people who smoke everyday ,and remain plenty motivated to do the things they need ,and want to do. That being said if he can't grow up ,and be a man leave him.
I wouldn't call him immature. I probably use it as a crutch too honestly come to think of it, it makes my pathetic(ish) life seem good(ish). Just try and be there for him, this is a tough time. But you're probably right, it probably became a distraction.
Anyone that says smoking weed doesn't fuck with motivation is completely wrong. Sure, some people can function fine while stoned but many daily users find it hard to stay motivated, and I'm on of them. you know what's even more fucked up? I KNOW that it fucks with my motivation, but I have no motivation to do anything about it. It's just a vicious cycle.
Try and reason with him by suggesting he smokes once at night as completely abstaining after heavy use can be tough for some people, but like others have said he's blaming the weed too much.
ok storytime I was in a srs relationship for a couple of years with someone who sounded like your bf. on top of having an intense addiction with weed, he had a gaming addiction as well. It got to the point where I started feeling incompetent / not good enough until I realized that the problem was him not me. long story short, I fell in love with a sweetheart who was also intelligent but started turning into a monster. when he lost a game or couldn't smoke weed, he would get abusive. If you haven't talked to him about it, talk. If he truly loves you, he will take the criticism and improve himself. love is about sacrifices. none of us can tell you to dump him, that's your decision. hope it works out.
I had a guy in a matrix program try to tell me this once ,and the only thing i could come up with is "i guess it's different for different people" ,and i say that because i smoked for 6 years straight everyday ,and when put on probation i just stopped cold turkey (admittedly i couldn't sleep for like 2-3 days). I never once felt "non motivated" to do the things i must or wanted to after or during smoking ,but to each his own i guess.
The drug is doing him, not him doing the drug. Drop that loser soon if he cant get clean, he needs to grow the fuck up. You are very kind and sweet to even ask for help for him but the bottom line is that if he is not ready to quit then nobody can help. Seriously go to a narcotics anonymous meeting with him.Its not a bunch of scum bags, its good people who are sick and trying to get well. All the fuck ups are the addicts who are not there. I quit drinking and doing all drugs 144 days ago, I went through rehab and still go to NA and weekly rehab meetings. I am an addict, I drank and got high for over 30 years and needed to quit. My problem was I wanted vodka for breakfast and kept a jug under my pillow. Addiction can come in forms other than drugs, food, gambling,sex,gaming,,,All can be treated. By the way "GROW THE FUCK UP!" is what my woman told me eye to eye and it stuck, I will never forget her saying that to me and it was a turning point for me. I hope the best for you and the young man in question.
Like I said, some people can function fine, while a majority of daily users it fucks with their willpower and motivation. How much would you use on a daily basis? I'm talking about the people that smoke at least a couple grams a day, not just a little bong rip.
"but he says he just wants to have money, and doesn't want to work hard." Boy do I know that feeling.
I started out small (maybe a gram a day for a month or two). I then progressed to about 2 grams a day (4 grams if i was celebrating) for the remaining 5 years ,and some odd months.