Boyfriend too controling or...?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by hippiebitchdgaf, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. So, we are eachothers first loves and we know we want to be together for the rest of our lives. He is everything to me, he is everything I want to be, he's the only one I trust, the one who has helped me out through my recent hard times, he's beautiful. But sometimes we'll have disagreements over things I like and want to do. Some of them I understand because I can be an impulsive person(which he is the complete opposite of), but other things it just kinda hurts a little inside that he disapproves of so much. Like I've always wanted to be an art model, and he gets worried about them making me pose nude(which i wouldnt do anyways since im with him) and now it's the debate over the tattoo. I've always wanted one, and I've just been musing over a concept of pne and he thinks they are completely ugly! He doenst like how they are unnatural and he likes to see my natural skin and i can understand that, but a tattoo is such a personal thing for me. He wonders why I never ask him to sacrifice things, like he asks of me. And it's just because I feel like we should be able to work together on what eachother wants and that if something is so important to the other that the other one would accept it. And I basically want to know if a. it is wrong to think that way and b. is it wrong for me to cling to what i want so much, and to have this painful feeling in my chest about having to give it up? Should I be more willing to accept his side and kind of, forgo what i want? Am i being selfish? I dunno. I understand why he dislikes the things he does, i just dont understand why he wants me to give them up so badly...
  2. He's being controlling, if you are both each others first loves maybe he just doesn't know how to handle a relationship.

    Have you told him how you've felt, and think that he's getting a little controlling?

    You should tell him that you're your own person, and things like getting a tattoo is your business and not his. And that if you two are going to be together he's going to need to realize it's not always about what he wants.

    If my girlfriend was doing regular non nude modeling I wouldn't care, and I deffinetly wouldn't care if my girlfriend got a tatt.
  3. Have you told him how you feel about this just as you discribed here on this post? It sounds like you just need to lay your cards on the table and tell him REALLY how you feel about these subjects.
  4. How can you love a boy who doesnt accept who you are? You do what ever the hell you want, if he doesnt like it, screw him! Do Not let him control you, you will regret it for the rest of your life.... My opinion... dump him.
  5. I totally agree with this. Minus the dumping part.... for now.
  6. first love? fuck.

    if this works at all, it's open honest communication. lay it on the line.
    "when you do this, i feel this..."
    and yeah, if he's too immature, too controlling, too whatever ....the past may be important, but the future is where you're going. let him go and walk alone and be stronger for it if you need to. if you've just "been rescued" or whatever (your recent hard times), that deserves thanks but not some long term leash
    are you an independent person? not financially necessarily, emotionally. "he's everything to me," etc. sounds like you've got a few of your own relationship/trust issues to work out. if you both hang everything on the other, you're doomed.
    good luck. sounds like you could both relax a little, maybe smoke a joint.
  7. This may come off as me being a dickhead,but I'm not trying to be.I'm just being straight forward.

    It's your first love and in all honesty,first loves never last,even though they seem like they'll last forever and you can make it through anything.

    My first love was the same,but we just grew apart and into different people.There's nothing you can do about it,it just happens.

    Take some time off if you can't work things out and start doing things for yourself,that make YOU happy.

    Go out and date,it's the only way that you can figure out what kind of person you truly want in your life.You will have your heart broken more than once,but it's all a learning experience.You'll figure things out about yourself.

    It'll give him a chance to see what he needs to work on as well.If you two are meant to be together,you'll find your way back to eachother.It could be 6 months,it could be 16 years.But whatever is meant to happen,will.

    Good luck!

  8. A. No, it's not wrong to think that way. It's just extremely difficult and takes a huge amount of personal responsibility and understanding.

    B. No, it is not wrong for you to want what you want and that painful feeling you feel when you give it up is sacrifice. But don't be fooled, unless he is threatening you with breaking up or silent treatment, etc. then it is your own decision about not going through with what you want to do.

    If you want a tattoo, go get one and tell him "This was really important to me, I hope you'll understand that in the long future we have together I will constantly change and so will you, we have to be willing to love and accept each other through those changes and be honest to ourselves and each other about what we truly want." or something like that.

    My husband greatly dislikes any changes I make, but the thing is... it's only controlling if you let it be that way. He didn't want me to get my hair cut. Guess what, I did it anyways. He didn't like it and didn't compliment me on it, but I didn't give a crap, lol. I love him, but I also express myself how I want and when I want. My body is mine and I do what I want to it, tyvm. He never wants me to get a tattoo, but if I decide to get one, that won't be stopping me. I keep it in mind because I know he loves my body the way it is and he is very anti-change, but we had all these honest conversations people are talking about. Conversations shed light on situations like these and really help each partner find mutual ground and understanding where they don't feel bad no matter what decision they choose.

    So, if you decide to do something, do it. If your boyfriend mentions it, say you decided to do it anyways and you're an individual. If he pushes beyond this boundary, then he is being controlling.
  9. Thanks ya'll:) I really don't think dumping him and dating other people is the right answer to this but thanks for the advice anyways XD And sure first loves usually don't last but that doesn't mean i'm not going to try:) I pretty much just needed to know if other people thought these feelings i was having are wrong or not and since it seems they aren't it helps me justify defending my case. i'll lay it on the line and tell him how important it would be to me, and if after that it' up to him whether he'd still love me. Thanks everyone:)
  10. So you want to do tattoos and nude modeling & he doesn't like that, lol

    idk, depending on where you guys are in a relationship, and if he loves you that much, i'm sure he'll give into the tattoo idea sooner or later. Probably more of a minimal tattoo is what he'll say yes to..

    i'd say no to my girlfriend about nude modeling, but, modeling in general (with clothes) sure, go for it.

    he's not too controlling.

    & just remember, later on down the road if he still doesn't like the tattoo idea - and you want something big or small - don't let it bother you to be honest .. if you love him a lot, you won't let a tattoo ruin your relationship because he's "too controlling".
  11. if that's your only problem with the relationship

    that he doesn't want you to get a tattoo

    yeah hes can't tell you that lol

  12. Course it's the only problem and it's not even a problem really. I wasn't really focusing this on our relationship, the questions I wanted answered were A and B, it isn't actually a relationship thing. It was a me thing XD
  13. I hope ur not the type that bottles all that inside. There is a possibility that he is tellin you his opinions expecting yours and he just comes across as controlling.

    As an example, if someone were to ask me my opinion on a tattoo I would deliver my response more as a fact than an opinion, even though it is an opinion, and unless someone were to engage me in dialogue it would be mistrued as a command by a less vocal and compromising partner.

    Just, for lack of a better term, put that bitch in his place, im sure ur partner would be pleased if you took more control, act like a black woman and slap that boy silly for not supportin you

  14. Yeah, he's the type to voice his opinions that way:) But I'm not a quiet person, and I definitely explain my thoughts, he's just kind of hard headed XD But I brought the conversation back up this morning, and now he understands, so thanks everyone! :D

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