Blunt needs your advice

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Blunt, Apr 28, 2013.

  1. So this is probably going to be a very long post, and I'm writing this before I even start, but I'll try my best to keep it concise.

    Okay, now I'm about halfway down writing this post and I can confidently say I won't be mad at you if you're not able to make it all the way through, sorry, haha.


    About a year ago I met a girl who was at a really rough point in her life. She was being cheated on by her boyfriend of three years and had recently been arrested for some really dumb things that were still hanging over her head. At this point she was becoming more distant from a decent amount of people she used to consider to be her friends. She could no longer go out like she used to because of her drug testing and curfews and that's when her "friends" true colors showed through. It was beyond clear to me that she needed as shoulder to lean on and that's what I was prepared to be there for her for. We talked for a few months, starting off as just friends when she was still dating her ex-boyfriend, and eventually leading to me coming between them two. I felt like we were heading in a good direction, specifically her compared to where she was when I met her.

    That quickly changed when we got in a huge argument and just completely stopped talking. Quickly after that she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend, up until about a month ago. In my opinion this was just because she literally had no one else to fall back on and I kind of left her without ever looking over my shoulder. About a month after the fight, we obviously had stopped talking, but we also go into a pretty big fight over the fact that I felt she was doing more harm than good for herself by going back to her ex-boyfriend.

    Anyways, that brings us to what's going on today. Up until a month ago I had completely stopped talking to this girl, but I heard from mutual friends that things had once again gotten rough for her. She dropped out of college just halfway through her freshman year and she's constantly drugged up. She began seeing a psychiatrist for what she insists is an anxiety/depression disorder that she's somehow developed over the last year. This is one of the most troubling things because I got to know her when she was being drug tested, completely sober, and I know she doesn't need these pharmaceuticals. With that being said, she tells me her psychiatrist refuses to take her off any medication, saying they tell her "it's a disease and she has to take her medication just like you would take an antibiotic if you had an infection." Lastly, let me just make it a point that I feel somewhat responsible for all these things because I feel like I completely left her in the dust instead of being there for her like I originally intended to.

    I know I have no place to tell her what to do with her body and/or life, but it really concerns me. I feel like I know this girl better than any of her "friends" because they were never around unless she was smoking or getting fucked up with them. When she was being drug tested she just hung out with me mostly and I can confidently say that her only real disease is the addiction that her psychiatrist is feeding.

    Enough with the pharmaceuticals ranting though, I'll get to the point. She's stopped talking to her ex-boyfriend once again, or so she tells me but now she has a new guy. That's fine with me because I never intended on going after her again like that but now that we've begun to hangout again things are changing. She's just starting to rely on me again as one of the very few people she can really trust but I'm more concerned I might be starting to hit some old emotions. To be honest I've been developing a little bit of a crush on her again and I don't know what to do.

    More than anything else in the world I really want to help her out, someone needs to. I really, truly, believe she needs someone like me to be there for her constantly. Especially as just a friend because shes constantly relying on men for her emotional happiness when she needs to learn to be independent first. With that being said, I'm really worried that I'm simply setting us both up for failure.

    I don't know how to help her and maintain my integrity.

    I don't want to break her and her new boy up because I know she would end up back with her ex-boyfriend as soon as we stopped talking again.

    But,
    I don't want to keep hanging out with her if I'm only going to continue to develop feelings for her.

    Lastly,
    I don't want to ditch her like I did before and risk sending her into an even deeper state of depression/anxiety.

    I've been trying to figure out if I should tell her this or just bite the bullet and hope nothing comes of it. And if so, how to tell her without being mean, upsetting her or burning any bridges.

    I don't know what to do blades, please offer a little advice. :eek:
     
  2. you've just got to look at it objectively. calmly ask yourself if getting with her would improve or reduce the quality of your life. Is her being more depressed better or worse than you losing out because of her bringing you down? i don't know the answer to these and also no one on here can really answer you, but hopefully you can figure it out.
     
  3. I've been in something similar; Tell her that for now you guys should just talk through text and not hang out and that way you can say what you wanna say without her having the opportunity to get all cunty on you because she has life problems.

    Thats the thing, as soon as you include yourself in the equation, all the shitty vibes and feelings shes throwing at herself to make herself feel like shit to keep doing drugs will eventually find their way to you and she will remove you from her life because of it.

    Key is to get close, but not physically close.
     
  4. Damn, ya'll are some fast readers.

    Yeah, that's very true except that I'm almost 100% selfless. I would rather do whatever makes her the most happiest but I'm not sure what that is, maybe I need to ask.

    I just worry because I honestly feel like hanging out with me can make a difference in her safety. I believe, if I remember correctly, she's been to the hospital twice in the last two weeks because she says she gets really depressed and ends up getting too fucked up on pills or whatever. I don't really know the specifics but she's just said she gets really depressed, thinks about killing herself but I don't know what exactly she's doing to land herself in the hospital. This is all new though, I've never in my life seen any side of her close to this and, although it'd generally be a turn off, it doesn't turn me off because I know that's not who she really is. I don't want to say that to her and have her end up in the hospital, or even worse. In my eyes it's easier to just hang out with her so she's guaranteed to be safe for the night because she's with me. I don't get the part about the drugs becoming me, you think she's going to influence me to do drugs? I might be crazy but I'm by no means a very easily influenced person and I would never condone her actions when it comes to her recent drug use.
     
  5. Some broken things can't be fixed. Don't stress over her.
     
  6. Yeah, that's definitely one of the things I've been hearing from the majority of my friends in real life lately as well. But then it comes to how do I let her down easy without burning any bridges? I think and hope I can always be there for her, just not 100% right now.
     

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