Yesterday, I had the unfortunate accident of being the moderator of an "argument" between two of my friends. One of my friends said that if a girl truly and deeply likes a guy, she will not hesitate to have sex with him as soon as possible. He said that he will not wait around past date three because that means that she doesn't have an attraction to him and he's wasting his time. The girl that refuses to "put out" has most likely had a hookup with other guys that she has known for only a few hours. He said "she probably met some guy on Spring Break or some other similar place and hooked up with him there. She obviously found him attractive. If you aren't getting some type of sexual action by the third date, then she obviously doesn't find you as attractive as that guy because she is hesitating." He then said that the tactic of withholding sex and making it an abstract possibility in the future is usually used by girls to "extract resources" from said guy as long as possible. Friend 2 is on the flip side of the coin and says that girls who delay sex to longer periods in a relationship show that they actually love the guy and value him more than a person to fuck. He said that most girls don't want to screw up a relationship by putting out to early and making it seem as if they are "too easy". I can easily see where my first friend is coming from in terms of raw attraction but I do not believe most girls consciously "extract resources" from guys. I know that there have been girls I have wanted in my bed within the first hour of meeting them but there have been other girls I have met that my attraction for them had to build. I don't know how women feel about this, if they feel the same way. So I was just curious. Others can feel free to jump in as they choose as well.
Yes, if I was interested in a man I would show him by the third date. However, my sister won't sleep with a man until they are VERY serious. Some women won't sleep with a man until they are in an exclusive relationship. It all depends. "Extract resources" Some guys are so jaded...
They're both wrong. Every girl is different. I'll have sex with a guy I care about immediately, but I know girls who wait a month. There's also this "slut" stigma that stops a girl. So, there really is no way to tell by the rate at which she decides to have sex with you.
^ is what I'd say. Everyone is different. If the argument is trying to define how quickly people should do a specific thing, then neither of those guys can be right. I mean, I know people that actually waited to have sex until they got married, and they dated for three years. The only "right" answer should come out of what the expectations and comfort levels of the individuals involved are. When I used to date women, sometimes we'd have sex on the first date, and sometimes we would date for a month or so before jumping under the covers. My current bf and I didn't have sex until maybe the 5th or 6th date. Why was your position as a moderator unfortunate? It sounds like you tried to balance the two sides pretty fairly.
There have been guys where I personally waited for screw because I think that sex can complicate relationships. And then there have been circumstances where we had sex immediately. It had nothing to do with how attracted I was to them. I think for me it was just depending on my circumstance.
^this the dating game is so fucked up now seriously... the sexual revolution was a good and bad thing. best thing to do is be honest and upfront with the other person and dont play fucking games... if they cant respect that and see it for what it is then it is best to move on.
I find that the finest of women, the truly classy ladies; will hold out on sex for a while. Like 5-6 dates, it takes work and will try your patience but it's better in the end. These are the kind of women that will drive you wild and are in all those sincere love songs. The ones that will actually make you care about them before you can take your pants off.