Bipolar/Borderline Medicine and Me

Discussion in 'General' started by Garrett, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. #1 Garrett, Aug 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2011
    Hi Blades and Bladettes:)

    I know you guys probably don't know me well, but I would like to share a little bit:

    I've had to deal with a lot when it comes to moods. Terrible mood swings. Quitting jobs that weren't bad right then and there and not telling anybody, ups and downs thoughout a shift, saying many awful things, ruining my home life with my parents(I'm 21 now), rage, extreme irritability over nothing much, if anything at all, irrational rants, weird thoughts;wishing I was dead,wanting to throw away my life.. Reckless behavior, anxiety, OCD, Delusions of starting my own restuarant.. etc etc,

    Now marijuana is, as we all know, is very calming. Thats the reason I, for myself, consider it medicine. It can change me like THAT, usually in a good way(besides paranoia and anxiety).

    But it just hasn't cut it. It still has a special place in my heart. I'm gonna get an 8th tomorrow:smoke:. But, you can't always smoke, ya know? And it doesn't make me feel normal in the right way. But it is very enjoyable.

    Weed is nice in the short term, but I've realized that in reality it's not the best medicine. I'm not trying to offend anyone(i've said worse things before haha). I've gone on and off lamictal(anti-convulsant/Mood stabilizer) a couple times. Once I start feeling normal i quit taking it, which is absolutly the wrong way to take psychiatric medicine.

    I've started taking it again for obvious reasons. It's actually a real good drug in my opinion. It has helped way more than ANYTHING.

    I am starting to feel so much more normal than I've felt in a long time. More logical. It's great. I feel like I have future ahead of me that I can control and be steady with it. The best way to really describe it it normal. But, it's still not quite enough of a dose, you have work your way up. I'm on a very low amount. But have taken higher doses months ago, and noticed how well it worked.

    If anybody is struggling with things like this, you can talk to me, even though I'm a stranger over the net, I'm a nice guy.:) I hope I don't get any big ideas and quit taking it..

    I hope to be a more positve member of our sacred community. Thanks for reading and Good evening to you GC. :smoke:
  2. #2 Thessentials, Aug 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2011
    The key is indeed logic. No matter what, logic is always right. That's what I've been telling myself and the nice thing is that it always makes sense.

    The only thing that can ever fuck with logic is when I let my feelings get in the way. When I say this people will probably assume that I don't show my feelings or act like a robot but this isn't true. I'm talking about the kind of stuff like, I have $50 left...I could buy weed/concert tickets or save the money for something that is a necessity or some important unforeseen cost in the future. My feelings keep trying to come up with reasons and excuses of why I can spend it on what I want. Logic says I should save it so that I can survive and not take a gamble. It doesn't mean I don't want to have fun, it means I'm making the responsible and right choice.

    So I'm glad to hear your meds are helping with that because I believe it to be the most important aspect to keeping one's life in order.

    And also, you are right. Don't quit your meds if they are working. Especially if you can handle the side effects. Don't get in that thought process that everyone goes through, "But I wonder if I can do it without the meds, maybe I don't need them?" Assume that you will need them for the rest of your life and don't feel bad about that. There's nothing wrong with making yourself better, and if that requires medication on the daily then that's what it takes.

    I take ADD meds and if I don't take them I become unmotivated and lazy. I've been that way long before I started taking my medication and I know that's how it will be in the future when I don't take them. That's just how it is.

    Glad you're improving!
  3. Have you been properly evaluated for underlying physical illness which can manifest with those symptoms such as celiac disease, temporal lobe epilepsy and, my favorite, low folate

    Plasma folate and homocysteine levels may be relat... [J Clin Psychopharmacol. 2005] - PubMed result

    Schizophrenic syndromes in epilepsies. [Psychopathology. 1989] - PubMed result
  4. Thessentials: I too have taken adderall IR and was diagnosed with ADD-innattentive, but i don't totally believe i have that. Ive taken ritalin, vyvanse, Adderall XR and IR, Strattera(not really though, stomach probs with it). All those just seem like poison especially to my heart. Vyvanse was real good though. I definatley noticed being on stimulants. If I'm gonna take something daily I want it to be safe and not feel like i'm on something then come down 2 hours later.

    This Lamictal seems to help with my focus and motivation, so that makes me think its not so much ADD. These things aren't about willpower for me, logic goes out the window when moods takes over.

    I have a psychiatrist that is good, and diagnosed me with a mood disorder. But since he doesn't live with me or watch how i really am, he can't REALLY know what i'm really like, even though he did see me more naturally in a hospital.

    And I've gone off these meds twice within the past year, once i start feeling better. But I plan on keeping on this time. Because it's the right stuff, I've come to realize.

    I didn't mean to get so wordy and personal just now

    I'm tired of all this bullshit. who cares, just pop the fucking pill and shut up garrett, you know whats up, is the jist of it guys.

    Tharedhead: I've taken vitamins and that not a real big differnce, and I've never had a seizure before. I'm pretty healthy and eat good food, not to much shit in my diet. I'm not real unhealthy besides heavy drinking and weed smoking.

    So many other people are way unhealthier than me, and don't have these sorts of things. I'm no pig.
  5. #5 tharedhead, Aug 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2011
    Seizures can manifest in a wide variety of ways, including attacks of rage or incoherence.

    Temporal lobe seizure: Symptoms -

    The drug you are using to control your mood swings is a anticonvulsant which is used off label for other issues.
  6. My best friend has bipolar disorder. It took her three years to find the right treatment. She tried acupuncture and supplements, countless diets and other medications before settling on the right one, which isn't perfect but has really helped her out. She has to stick with it, though, or else it stops working. She still has her ups and downs, but they aren't as extreme as when she isn't taking anything.
    Glad you found an answer, and good luck. That stuff is hard to deal with.
  7. Whilst it can be difficult to stomach, knowing the tablets are the only things keeping one's head in order; i'm glad you've come to a conculsion to keep taking them...

    I had taken a variety of medications in order to manage various symptoms, none being particularly succesful. Following an argument with an old psychiatrist over her neglecting to tell me of certain addictive properties of some of these, I switched. It was only under a different psychiatrist and a different medication that I was happy with the effectiveness. Have been on depakote for a couple of years nearly, and whilst it doesn't work for all people with the disorder, it seems to for me.

    That isn't to say, it is without side effects; I am much more reserved, as I was prior to the appearance of bipolar, my 'joie de vivre' seems diminished to a certain extent, but equally I wouldn't trade the calm for the problems that had arisen. Remember, the diagnosis is only a first step, try and find a medication that seems to aid all of your general problems, I'm sure there is one out there that will do it.

    As perverse as it sounds, I was actually pretty happy when I was diagnosed, at least it gave me something to explain the odd and at times rather scary lapses in judgement, and perculiarities...

    With regards to MJ, it isn't a silver bullet in my opinion, it just helps to take the edge off of things. However, I do dislike the person I become during the comedown period I experience after a day or so of not smoking. It gets better with time, but people tend to notice my irritability increase... As I have got older, I have learnt to deal slightly better with this aspect, but i'm still not there yet.
  8. I was diagnosed with manic bi-polar...left the restaurant business and two years later found myself managing a health food store. Meds are good to reel us back in, but to really stabilize, we must look at all aspects of our life. I get fresh air daily, exercise daily, hikes work well for me.... quiet, plus i eat a high protein diet lacking in processed foods, sugar etc. Two books that helped me a lot were The Edge Effect by Dr Eric Braverman and Eat Right for your blood type. After reading those books, combined with my previous knowledge of the subject, I have gotten a good grasp as to what our body needs, on an individual basis. Because thats just it, we are all unique, and we need to know which factors contribute to that uniqueness.... Digestive system/brain lobe imbalances etc.

    I take plenty of Gaba+Inositol, from morning to night, that acts as a natural muscle relaxer (valium), helps nerves from overfiring (anxiety) and helps to regulate all of your other neurotransmitters....

    Make sure you are taking a good b-complex. Many of us do not get the required amount of b-6 and b-12 that we need, especially if you do not know which foods you body is designed to digest properly. The Bs help to metabolize proteins and are requires for synthesizing key neuro transmitters.

    Blood type O - primal, high meat/veg diet, no grains or dairy

    Type A - Natures vegetarian... low stomach acid, no red meats, grains/tofu/turkey ok

    etc etc

    Kinda all over the place at the moment, mainly because I had a coffee and that is NOT recommended when trying to stay level headed:D Stay away from the stimulants, and though weed hits the temporal lobe, just as gaba does, and alcohol the occipital like tryptophan, these temporary fixes unfortunately cause a greater imbalance. Alcohol lowers b6, so though the beer makes you feel good, unless you give yourself extra b6, you will have problems...

    Hope you took something from this, any more questions just ask! I was a 162/95 BP when I went "in".... that was following a 2 week binder, 750 patron a day and many many amstels.... I was also put on meds prior to this episode, that were not good for me... later found out they have a tendency to induce manic episodes(effexor was the med).... now i am all natural, bp is 120/70, life is good.. oh, and i got into philosophy, and breathing exercises also:)
  9. Not to offend you, but are the "ADD meds" you take amphetamines or Ritilan? Everyone who takes them gets more motivated, more focused, and has more energy. And if you take them long enough, even as prescribed, you gain a physical addiction, and then when you don't take them, you'll go through typical withdrawals from speed, which would include extreme lethargy.

    I honestly don't believe ADD/ADHD exist, and that in reality its just people with naturally inattentive personalities and certain behaviors. Not actually a mental illness, just a combo of personality traits. And doctors have indoctrinated the masses to believe that these personalities and behaviors are a "mental illness" that need to be cured by addictive and toxic drugs.

    That probably offended you, but I seriously hate when I see stupid parents and doctors who see a kid acting like a normal kid. And then decide he's "mentally ill" with some bullshit like "ADD", and then put the kid on a daily dose of speed.

    I believe thats happened with alot of things. I believe that doctors and pharma companies have indoctrinated people to believe that there personality traits and natural behaviors are actually "mental illnesses" and that they need to take drugs to "cure them". All so they could profit from selling drugs.

    I believe mental illness is real, but its gotten extremely ridiculous, people are getting told they have all kinds of bullshit "disorders" when really its just there natural personality.
  10. ^^ Yeah ADHD is way to overdiagnosed. My doc doesnt really have mean diagnosed as that but he still gave me the medicine anyway...which i wanted at the time for super powers.

    I get periods of hyperness and excitability, but it doesnt last days or weeks.

    It pisses me off when parents put their kids on stimulants. Especially after i saw how they effected my body. Let kids be kids. So what if they're irritating.

    I can't remember what everybodys posts said:rolleyes:

    What bugs me is when I tell a friend this kind of stuff. And they're just like "oh yeah me too". It shouldn't count if your a drug addict like he is.
  11. #11 wsrd4b2, Aug 11, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2016
    So I have a question for ya. And anyone else that wants to respond.

    I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, borderline personality disorder, as well as PTSD.

    I've had my mmj card since April. The last month, maybe 3 weeks have been terrible. I ended up hospitalized, and that was not a walk in the park. Got my first, and last, experience with pepper spray..

    Anyway, long story short, I've been having crazy fits of rage, intense depression ( today when I went to get my medicine I almost started crying for no reason, just sadness wtf), also before I have an episode my body heats up and I start sweating, normally have to go outside and pace or just sit super still.

    Any experience with this?
  12. Only time I had particularly excessive rage was when a medication was changed. Dropped that as quickly as I could. Coupled with the intense depression, if you are on a specific medication, it might be worth talking to a doctor about changing it...
  13. I'm bipolar.

    Depakote and adderall ruined my life for years.

    Only herb for me my friend.

    Best wishes.
  14. #14 wsrd4b2, Aug 11, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2016
    They want to put neon celexa, and I would, but the way this last hospitalization came about has made me lose faith in the people that are there.

    The va is all I've got, can't work right now because my mood is too unstable and I'm legally blind, its hard to fill out apps when they give you headaches..

    I'm not trying to complain, just let you guys get a fuller picture.

    Basically, can't afford new doctor, but no longertrust the ones I had. Shoot, I'm

  15. Depakote is serious shit.... it touches the Temporal Lobe, Valerian Root, Gaba Plus, Glutamine, and Tryptophan all touch the same lobe... as well as pot... go figure!:D

    I was forced to be on Depakote for ten days, after an episode with Effexor and Alcohol....

    All which was prescribed by a doctor who had never had a conversation with me. Yes, I was naive... and now I am natural!
  16. Yeah, Im bipolar and I was on some medication. During the time on my meds, I quit my job, had insane depressed/angry episodes at school. Personal the pills never helped me, so I recently told my doctor that I wanted to be taken off. Strangely marijuana REALLY helps me, I sleep better, I am much happier, and more concentrated now that I toke. I have heard that pills help some people, they did for my best buddy.

  17. Verrrrryyy similar experience... three years later I still do not talk to my family, nor have I been able to enter back into the same career. I like life this way much better...:cool:
  18. Weed can be good as long as you don't let it get out of control and become a self medicating thing that bi polars tend to do (not all i don't). Best advice i can say is when weed starts feeling as more of a routine or something that's need take a T break, Tbreaks are essential to clear your head up and lower resistance.

    EDIT: Also weed helps me by leaps and bounds i'm such a more pleasant person when i have some weed.

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