My boyfriend and I are both in our twenties. My career path is off to a really great start while he seems to be struggling. He already has a good degree but never got a job in that field. Instead he continued with his minimum-wage job. He says that he wants to get a degree in another field but doesn't put forth any effort to get into school. It is really frustrating that getting high..(on more than weed) and drunk seem to be more important to him than pursuing his supposed goals. I don't even like drinking, smoking, and etc. (wink wink) with him anymore because he doesn't know when it is time to work and when it is time to play. I don't know what to do. I don't care if he drinks or smokes because I enjoy it too. I just hate that it is such a big priority to him and that he is failing to make anything of himself. Final note: I give him a lot of support and encouragement, but sometimes it feels like I am his mother instead of his girlfriend. So far his progress is VERY slow. Also, my decision on what to do wouldn't be as difficult if he wasn't such a wonderful boyfriend in a lot of other ways.
I have brought up the issue to him before. He always makes some progress every time I talk to him about it. He doesn't care about these things for his own sake, he just wants to keep me around. Since he lacks motivation I have to bring this shit up every time he needs to take a step towards finding a career. He takes that step each and every time but I don't like having to mother/nag him.
Then give him an ultimatum. Normally I wouldn't suggest that but if youve tried multiple times and he still doesn't get the picture hes not gonna change who he is. If you dont like who he is or that he is like that then you need to move on as sad as it may seem.
for real. communicate. personally if I'm not told something and slapped in the face with it, I won't realize it. tell him this shit. EDIT- just saw that you've brought it up to him. idk, the ultimatum could work, but who the fuck likes an ultimatum. maybe try helping him out through the progress, like distracting him when you feel he could get bored and smoke? shouldn't really be up to you though, he should eventually be motivated enough to quit for you, and if he isn't well.. theres your answer, sorta im high though so maybe i'm overthinking it... or underthinking?
Sounds like someone got a degree in a shit field. Probably for something lazy at that. I agree with what Vegas_Fire said.
His degree is in computer science, it just makes him miserable so he wants to do something else. He is brilliant and has so much untapped potential. He is just lost or something. I don't know what's going on with him but there is some sort of mental block. I have been sticking around because I feel like maybe he is having trouble making the transition from partying teenager to a 24 year old adult with a real job. I am hoping that it is just a phase, but I can only wait for so long.
lol computer science is actually probably the best degree to get at the moment. sucks he's not working with it
I also think he feels discouraged and hopeless because he is trying to break into something new at the age of 24 and doesn't even know what he wants to do yet. So his reaction is to shut down and drink. Meanwhile, he is watching me make strides and that probably makes him feel worse.
You gotta give him a kick in the ass n tell him to wake up! That if he dont wanna get it together....your gonna move on.....that would wake me up! I dont have much room to talk tho lol Cuz I procrastinate, but if I heard those words....it would make me wanna do somthin.
I'd figure it out soon, before you know you'll be 30 and in the same spot. Mid twenties is a real good age for women, I'd make the best of it..possilby without this guy dragging you down.
u need to stop being a nagging voice and move on if ur unhappy. not gonna change a dude and if u do find one spineless enough to change ull hate him for it
Stay with him break up with him.. seems like something only you can decide Dont let people on a forum lead your life
Cut your losses and move on. If he decides to get his shit together, he needs to do it on his own terms.
You seem rational and balanced enough to know what you have to do. You don't need us to tell you. It's pretty obvious.
Sounds like you're a bit of a social climber. That's great. Is his career that important to you? Or to your wellbeing as a couple? Have you considered marrying this guy, or having kids with him? If there were kids, would you be happy sacrificing your career for his? Betcha he would be willing to stay home so you could continue yours. Male in his mid 20's, tendency to try to 'burn up' the last few years of 'carefree' lifestyle going into the more settled years. I dunno, just maye you're looking at this the wrong way.
Why would she have kids with someone who has dependency issues? He is clearly in no position to be a parent. I stay at home addict dad. Sounds brilliant.
He's a 20yr old partying a bit too much, not a meth head tricking on the streetcorner ffs. OP said herself she doesn't mind that and even does the same 'things'. The only difference between them is she is career driven, and for w/e reason, he currently is not. Maybe he got a law degree only to realize he doesn't want to suck blood for the rest of his life! Lot's of early 30's superdads were early 20's hellraisers.