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Being shit with women

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Foxtrot, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. #1 Foxtrot, Feb 4, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2014
    Hi guys my name's Foxtrot. I am not new here despite my one post, it's simply that I don't want to use my other account any longer. Before I begin there is a bit of me moaning but it all does actually have a point if you're willing to read.
     
    I am shit with women. I am able to get them interested with looks I apparently have. I have been referred to as cute and good looking mostly. Never any handsomes/beautifuls/gorgeouses. I did get a 'hot' once though.
     
    So you're probably asking yourself, Foxtrot, if that's the case, why are you so terrible with women?
     
    The problem there, is I have no spine, I have nothing to me as a person. My personality is shit and I can barely get two sentences out as a result. I have no cool stories, I haven't left my home country, I have no worldy experience and that shines through all the time.
     
    Now back to that point I mentioned. I'm looking to improve this. I don't really care if anyone keeps up to date with my posts after this, it's simply a mechanism to keep tabs on where I was, where I am and where I am going to be.
     
    Tomorrow and the day after I'm going to take out one of my closest friends and we're going to have a competition to see who can get more phone numbers. Hope you guys/girls are all doing well.

     
  2. #2 Zionne, Feb 4, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2014
    Can I ask you a question and I know it might sound snarky in written word but I don't mean it that way. Do you really think having a competition with your friend to see who can get the most numbers is an effective way of finding yourself? I get that it is a confidence booster to the winner, but what if that isn't you? As for improving yourself feeling like you don't have much to offer, that all comes back to you. That you haven't traveled or left your home town doesn't mean you aren't an interesting person with hobbies that others might share with you. Why not start out online, find a forum that interests you and stick with it? Alternatively, find more things that interest you. Join groups online that you can meet others in, talk more to people online, build up your confidence. Don't think that you don't have anything to offer others. Going out is great, going to local pubs, have a few drinks to loosen up a little, take a few friends and the. Just start chatting to locals sitting at the bar. Even if it's all just random, unimportant stuff, casual conversation, it's something. Again please don't take anything I have said as me being unkind, just sharing some thoughts back!
     
  3. Yeah I agree wit first post what if you end up getting killed in the game. Im not doubting you but he could just get lucky and find more willing chicks.
    As you being spineless heres how I over came it two words liquid courage. If I was at a party Id drink just to the point where you feel fucking awesome but not stupid enough to say dumb shit. I did this for a few months then I just started saying and doin the same shit just w/o the alc.
    Obviously it wont work for everyone but thats how I did it so do what you will with the information presented.
     
  4. #4 TheWhiteLighter, Feb 5, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2014
    A friend once told me.....
     
    "A slap in the face is just a slap in the face, if you don't try you may as well die." Shortly afterwards I got laid for the first time once I stopped caring about what anyone else thought.
     
    Just try man, don't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks just give it a go. The most successful people in the world have to fail at some point to eventually gain the strength to succeed.
     
    And fuck competition. Do it for you and not some pissing contest. Life is far too short.
     
  5. The problem isn't your personality, it's your dating target. You're going after the wrong women my friend. You have no amazing adventures or stories to offer up, because you're not an amazingly adventurous person. You're a home body my dear and there's nothing wrong with that. But being what you are, you're never going to be a good personality fit for an adventurous woman. So find yourself another home body to just enjoy being with. No adventures necessary. No crazy stories necessary.
     
    As long as you're not a straight up asshole, the truth is, there's no such thing as a shit personality. You've just gotta find someone similar.
     
  6. I think its better to lie up rather than to not say anything..... and make memories from there
     
  7. I think another issue you may be having is that you need to try and paint yourself as this 'ultimate guy' to have any chance with women, when that just isn't true. You don't need to put women up on a pedestal, you don't need to be hot, funny, charming, clever, and witty for women to be into you, despite what movies say. I mean everyone has seen that one guy, who isn't traditionally good looking, yet he has a hot girlfriend, and you think, how? The answer is he is confident, and once he's got his foot in the door, the girl has seen that actually, he is a great guy.
     
    What you need bro, is confidence in yourself. I always say that you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. 
     
    Now don't get me wrong, when I say confidence I don't mean the ability to walk up to a random girl and start charming her tits off. When I say confidence I mean knowing that you do have a lot to offer girls. 
     
    Also bro, I wouldn't advise you and your friend competing against each other for girls. What you should be doing is working together. Wingman each other bro, find two girls who you like the look of, and if your friend is more confident than you, get him to go over to them whilst you go to the bar (i'm assuming you're going out to a bar) and when you come back he can introduce you. It's like they say bro, two heads are better than one. 
     
  8. Ok a little update. Went out today with the staff crew for a day time party and had a really good time.
     
    Still having trouble pulling given my living with parents and having a single bed though.
     
    Hopefully shit in that regard will change when they go to another city and I get the bed. A problem I have now is literally spending too much on nights out which is slowing that second goal. :metal:
     
    Feeling a lot better blades, breaking my drought would multiply that 10x I think.
     
  9. #9 yoyoloto, Feb 10, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2014
    Keep it up man, I'd like to tell you to just be yourself but that's the worst advice I could give you. You need to change and find the ''you'' that you are comfortable and confident with, get out of your comfort zone and do ballsy stuff. If you're driving in the city and see a pretty girl just lower the window and ask her how she's doing, then try and get her to climb aboard (and you know what ? this has worked in the past). The point is to keep getting rejected until you don't give a shit anymore, and try and hang out with alpha dudes, eventually you'll become like them.
     
    I don't know how old you are but the competition thingy is good, picking up is just a game, don't take that shit seriously, have fun with it instead. 
     
    Also, and I may be criticized for saying this, don't get dating advice from women.
     
  10. Seen this a million and one times. I'm sure you've been given enough insight I will leave you with one word:

    Confidence


    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
     
  11. That's all it is man. I hear symphonies of conversation of my head and I know all I need to do is develop the confidence to speak them true.
     
    Just for an update I made a big step today (or yesterday to be technical, it's late) I asked for this cute girl's number at my pharmacy. To be honest it was a terrible approach. I walked in there to get some eye drops. I made eye contact with her and said "Hi" she said "Hi do you need help finding something?" I responded with my awesome response of "Nope I just wanted to say hi" as I walked past her to buy my eyedrops. To be honest when I feel awkward I tend to come off pretty aggressive so just imagine I said that last sentence quite indignantly as if saying hello then ending a conversation is a completely normal thing to do.
     
    She served me and I got a little awkward since a male worker was next to her serving someone else and I froze. I literally walked out the door, went and bought a coke in another store and went into my car. I psyched myself up to go back and eventually walked into the pharmacy.
     
    My heart was racing, I was nervous as hell and going all red right before I talked to her. She had some old guy in front of her so I stood around like a moron while the other people working there asked me if I needed help. Eventually she stood near me.
     
    Conversation went like this:
     
    Me: "Hi this is going to sound really weird and random but I thought you were cute and thought I'd ask for your phone number."
    She seemed a little taken aback and smiled really broadly then told me she had a boyfriend.
    Me: "Oh ok no worries".
     
    But to the other people reading this who are shit with women. I felt SO MUCH BETTER even after being rejected by this girl. That adrenaline rush was close to the one I got when I stood on top of a mountain back in the middle of last year. Now I know if I ever go back I can just ask her for her name and continue with a bit more flirting if I want.
     
    I've pushed the massive boulder that is my social skills, hoping to keep the momentum going. Thanks for reading blades, will update again soon.
     
  12. #12 KarmicJuub, Feb 15, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2014
    I used to be pretty spineless too with women.

    Let me tell you the key:

    Nothing matters. So don't over think it. 


    That is literally all there is too it. 

    Here is how it went with me:

    After being alone for a few years and all my room mates started dating. I felt the worse I had ever felt. I had zero confidence. I was spineless. I thought I had nothing to offer women, or anyone for that matter. I was drinking like a fish every night, and broke down to my roommate one night and told him I was thinking about killing myself. He literally told me the next day, "You need to grow up." 

    That really helped me.

    I stopped all the self pity, looked myself in the mirror, and tried to envision the man I wanted to be. 
    Next day I cleaned up my diet, and started going to the gym daily. I cut back my alcohol consumption and stopped smoking weed altogether. (picked up cigarettes for a while, eh, what can you do. I quit them now.)

    Then I made a point to put my headphones away while I walked around campus. 
    Talk to people. Just say "Hi I'm Foxtrot." They WILL respond. 

    You know why? Cause deep down everyone is JUST as scared of being alone and judged as you are. It's true. Deep down people just want friends and lovers.

    Visualize what you want your life to be and slowly step into it. But you have to take action, even if it is as simple as saying "Hi." 


    Your life is just a breeze in eternity. Just take chances and be bold in your actions and always keep your head facing the direction you want to go. Stand up tall, and don't be afraid to try and take what you want in life. 

    When I walk into a classroom, I always scan the room for the hottest girl and go sit next to her and say "Hi, I'm Matt." 
    And every time you do it, it will be easier and easier. 

    Another tip, don't act eager. Act aloof. Act like you are totally content. 

    Drives women crazy.

    And plus, you said you already have the looks! What is there not to be confident about!?

    I am a 7/10 AT BEST, but even I can pretend to have confidence haha.

    It's easy. You just gotta try.
    You WILL fail, but each failure will hurt a little less, until you don't even notice you are failing at all. All you will see is progress.
     
  13. It's all about desensitizing yourself to rejection, and overcoming the fear that you have nothing to offer. Fake it till you make it dude, that's what literally every other guy does. Maybe you do have nothing to offer, but you have to let girls decide that for themselves. But by then you'll already have slipped them the D and it will be too late!
     
  14. Dude! This story sounds exactly the way it would go down for me - if I ever had the balls to ask a girl out. The whole thread has been a little depressing reminiscing about my own short comings. I've heard about this before tho - where just asking the fucking girl for her number is worth more than actually getting it kinda thing. I dig it. 
     
    I can't look up the video that talks about overcoming his social anxiety through this method but its a "Simple Pickup" video from that Youtube channel. Definitely worth the 5 or so minutes he goes on about getting over his problems.
     
  15. you da man foxy, try talking to girls in coffee shops I think your success rate will be better there, good luck buddy
     
  16. if can be funny and can make people laugh I think that helps. I've never heard of needing crazy life stories to get women interested in you.
     
    If you are actually good looking I don't think you need much skill. I know some guys that girls find really good looking and some have terrible social skills, aren't really interesting, not funny, but they get women.
     
    I agree that confidence is important though, if you are good looking but too scared to go talk to a girl or whatever she'l see that and might be turned off. when you aren't confident you just basically tell people you don't think you are good enough for them and then they'll think so too.
     
  17. my problem is confidence also. I always think i'm prob not good looking enough for a really good looking girl I see. but I see guys that are not very good looking with some really good looking girls so it's not impossible.
     
    there's this guy in my class that hits on every girl he sees and has been turned down by a few girls I know but now he is dating this really hot girl. I need to try and be more like that and not be scared of rejection. 
     
  18. Already watched them, probably more than you or most blades here. They're helpful, but definitely not a means to an end. You need to do the rest of that yourself.
     
    The way I really want to start looking at it every time is to think that these girls WANT to be approached. Even if they reject you they get a little ego boost when it happens. Then if they see you again they're reminded of those good feelings and will probably want you to hang around since you go for what you want.
     
    Seriously that girl I asked for her phone number smiled so unbelievably broadly I was almost shocked at how easy it was. I'd have such a harder time getting that smile from telling jokes or a cool story.
     
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