Being popular/cool...

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by kushclowa, May 4, 2011.

  1. I'm not really sure if this thread fits here since it isn't discussing sex or dating, but this also includes relationships such as friendships and your relationship with people in general right? Oh well here goes.

    I am 18. Graduated high school last year. Currently working to save up for college. But today I was going through some of my old yearbooks from middle school. And I realized how it was one of the most horrible 3 years of my life. Seriously. And I have been trying to figure something out ever since.

    I am sure that everybody wanted to be cool to some degree when they first hit middle school. Nobody can tell me that they wanted to be a friendless outcast. I always wanted to be popular. I had a few friends who had this popularity or natural coolness to them, but I was already close friends with them before hand. And even though I knew them and what they were about, they seemed to have a coolness to them that I never had. I always seemed awkward, weird, and I could never really fit in.

    I would see kids whos coolness would come so naturally to them. It seemed like if you were cool you had this invisible aura that everyone else could sense and nothing really bad happened to you. Especially with girls. I could have a class with a girl for a whole year and she would probably not think of me as anything, where as a person who was cool could talk to them for 5 minutes and she would see him as some amazing prophet and just know hes cool...it is weird and really hard to explain, but I have noticed this a lot. I was never a complete loser or an outcast. I was lucky enough to have some close friends. But i was never that guy that everyone thought was cool. I was awkward, weird, and not much to look at according to most.

    Here is another example. In high school the hottest girls in my school would never notice me or barely know my name. I was clueless as to what it was that made them notice you or to even be friends with them. Maybe i thought about it too much. But I had neighborhood friends who were about 2 or 3 years younger than me. I never thought of these kids as that much cooler than me. But when they get into high school I see them taking face book picture with all these hot girls my age...or just being accepted as cool. I dont get it. I feel like there is some secret to being cool and getting everyone to like you that i was never let in on.

    There would be kids who went to different schools who were better friends with the in crowd than i was...it was weird. I had a sense of humor, and I knew a kid who everyone liked because he was funny. But when i would try to be funny i would end up the butt of the joke. I couldn't understand what he had that i didnt...

    I was also never very confident in my looks. I always had at least one person call me out for having a big nose, crooked teeth, or being skinny. I'm sure there were other people who were made fun of for things. But it seemed like those popular and cool kids were flawless. I never heard someone make fun of them for the way they look. So is that what it basically comes down to? Kids in school respect you and accept you more for the way you look?

    It doesnt matter anymore, and im doing fine now, but i have always had that in the back of my mind. I was completely aware of being cool, but i just couldnt get it right and i have no idea why. What makes someone so popular? It had a tremendous effect on my confidence with everything especially with talking to girls. I always felt like no girl would never like me because it seemed like my luck with being accepted was shitty. i had the worst confidence look wise. If someone took a picture of me i dreaded it. I had someone pointing out my big nose or ugly teeth so often that I just never wanted to be in a picture. And I know confidence is the key, but it seemed like when i tried to act confident i would get torn down. I still dont understand it to this day :confused_2::confused_2::confused_2::confused_2:
     
  2. Fix'd
     

  3. so ill never be respected because of the way i look. no wonder people get plastic surgery.
     
  4. it's ok to be different bro
     
  5. Bro, you have to stop caring so much about what other people think about you.
     
  6. It sucks, but its the reality of it.

    People are more attracted to a person who is outgoing, personable, and usually good looking. It's all psychological. It starts at the young school age and continues into adulthood. It's literally the way of life, which can suck for some people.

    Like others said, fuck what people think. Do your thing.
     
  7. Kids are vicious :D
     
  8. Everyones different, i think you considered yourself "uncool" and thought of yourself as "I was awkward, weird". Maybe if you changed your state of mind, cared a little less of what other people thought about you, and went a little easier on yourself (you cant change the size of your nose, well i guess you could get surgery but thats unnecessary, so stop worrying about it) be a little less self conscious, and maybe you would be happier.

    The only thing that matters is how you think of yourself.
     

  9. Its hard not to care when you cant get any girls and everyone thinks you arent good looking and has called you out on it on a regular basis. I would go to school praying that nobody would straight up say something horrible to me.




    If thats the way the world works then i guess i am not meant to excel in this world. Might as well hide in obscurity.
     

  10. i guess you're right. I have been trying. maybe one day i can get over this crap
     

  11. be based. it works
     
  12. #12 Cottonmouth 85, May 4, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2011
    Its just the way of the world. Think about those girls you are calling cool. Were any of them mouse-y, nerdy, or bookish? Probably not. Looks are part of what attracts people. Otherwise its a general "je ne sais quoi". Which is difficult to fake. Some people just have a good time where ever they are, and people are attracted to that. Everyone wants to have fun.

    But you've got to realize if you're not one of the hottest guys in school, then why would the hottest girls in school be interested in you? That is just reality. You've got to lower your standards. Not everyone is living at the MTV beach house, and there is nothing wrong with that.

    You're out of school now and most of that HS "in crowd" type crap is over with. Just don't chase after girls obviously out of your league and people won't make fun of you. I used to have a friend like that and its why he was the butt of jokes. He was goofy and awkward, nothing to look at but he was always trying to flirt with our schools cheer leaders. I was friends with some of the cheer leaders but its not like they were going to fuck me either, but I had sense enough not to creep them out by hitting on them.

    At the same time you are judging people for being in a closed circle "cool kids" group you have to ask yourself why you think you'd belong there to begin with. It sounds like you are less worried about whether you have anything in common with that group of people, as you are about just wanting to be one of them. What are you going to do with friends you have nothing in common with? Why do you even want to be friends with them?

    Make friends with people you like, flirt with girls that you have a chance of getting, and live your own life. Don't worry about other peoples social circles. Trying to change who you are, and act different is really the wrong way to go about the situation.

    You gotta be who you are for the people that will like you, not be someone you're not for people who might like you. In the end the cool kids probably still won't like you, and the people that would've liked you for who you are will think you are a tool. A muppet.
     
  13. Don't think of it that way, you giving yourself an easy way out to accept the possibility of failure, "maybe".

    Just stop doing it. Thats it, don't think about possible doing it, just do it.
     
  14. Is there such a thing as leagues? what if he isnt attracted to girls that are lower then those standards? I was never the best looking guy, but i somehow managed to get a hot girl or two.
     
  15. exceptions can be made, but in general, of course there are leagues. David Spade has Heather Locklear, but that is not the norm.

    Its odd to me that people even ask questions like that. It seems so removed from reality.

    Steve Buscemi isn't going to fuck Taylor Swift any time soon. The reasons are obvious. That example is taken to extremes obviously, but the point remains.

    What I don't get is why so many guys think they are entitled to Taylor Swift quality girls. Its unfounded ego. You don't see anywhere near as many nerdy girls chasing after the captain of the football team. They know its going to lead to him making a nasty comment, the group of people laughing, and a bit of social humiliation. When the tables are turned, why guys feel like that same thing wouldn't happen to them is what confuses me.
     
  16. The majority of the time, I didn't like the "cool kids" of my schools at all. They told the lamest jokes, and I didn't see why everyone was all up in their asses.

    Just be yourself, take pride in who you are, and enjoy the companionship that your friends can offer you.
     
  17. Ok no offense op but you should be old enough to realize that middle school kids are some of the most retarded people on the face of the earth.

    You have to realize that there are more females than that little group of hot girls you were drooling over. Especially in college. All my friends who werent getting any in high school have gotten laid by at least one really good looking girl. And just because the girl isnt a super model doesnt mean shes ugly. I find some of the most beautiful women to be more nerdy girls or girls who dont care about bullshit like being popular.

    Just do what you love, be positive, be around people who you actually like to be around, and it will all fall into place. I thought being cool and getting people to like me was what i needed to do to get anywhere in life. Instead I did whatever the fuck i wanted to do and people started to respect me and it is so much more gratifying when people like you because they actually want to and not because you are trying to fit in with them.
     

  18. This for sure. I graduated last year and visited my hometown a few weeks ago. Went to a party to hang out with my friends who were seniors and a girl who was one of the popular ones was all over me for the fact that I was not trying to fit in and just doing my own thing. I'll say this again kushclowa...IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT!
     
  19. I'm currently a senior in highschool. I know exactly what you mean. I just try to be cool with EVERYONE. Whether its one of my good friends, or some kid in my class, or even a freshmen.
    Don't go out of the way, but be nice. And trust me I'm in Cali, not in Mississippi or anything lol.

    And you can't have other people love you, if you don't love yourself.
    You said you had crooked teeth and shit would fuck up your confidence right?
    Just be confident and accept yourself.
     
  20. It's in the DNA.

    Either you're born with it, or you aren't.

    --

    But you can still be cool even if you don't have the cool DNA... life is not fair, but it's still fair to certain degree...

    --

    How to be cool without the cool DNA?

    --

    Want to know?

    Ask me.
     

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