Beat This

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by homack, Jun 6, 2003.

  1. I had just gotten an eighth from my friend and my girlfriend and I were kinda anxious to get high since we've been off the weed for like...I dunno. A month or so. Shell (my girlfriend) invited me over and her parents were gone so we went in the backyard to smoke not one, not two, but three bowls. I was so fucked up that when I tried to kiss her, I ended up licking her shoulder. Really. It's funny how when you get high, you can either get really really hungry or really really fucking horny. And dude. I was horny. My balls were BOILING. So after a little persuasion (I hadta stroke her in some areas to get the idea across and hey, c'mon. Being high was the only time we were ever horny at the SAME time. Plus, it's also the only time I could touch her and get her nipples hard. I miss those days), we went to the basement. We started fooling around and my pants and underwear got taken off in the process. While we were exploring our sexuality, she was murmuring something about oral sex and sperm literally started to bubble in its little home called the nutsack. I was stoked as hell. But she wanted to go upstairs to change so I laid on the couch, half naked, and I ended up drifting off for a short snooze. My girlfriend, who's been reading Cosmo, had wanted to try to give me oral while I was asleep so I wasn't TOO surprised when I felt a hot tongue licking my penis erect once more, hardening to a hurtful degree. I moaned and stretched my hand out to caress her hair...instead, I found fur. I bolted upright and found her dog, Squirt, licking my peanut butter covered dick that my girlfriend had spread thickly while I slept. My girlfriend was in the corner, laughing so hard that she actually threw up and then laughed some more. Later, after we broke up (cuz I cheated with her best friend) she sent out pictures that she took to my mom, my dad (who lives in another state), to my boss, and to my fucking pastor.
    Now someone, please. Either beat that and make me feel better that hey, my life isn't THAT bad. Or...just agree that I went out with one calculating bitch.
  2. ive heard stories like this bein told... usually ppl sayin they "knew" the person it happened to.

    anyways if it really happened to u... man that sucks

    if u want a worse story... have u heard the one with the ex girlfriend and her revenge scheme that included a mouthful of man juice
  3. It happened to me two years ago. And what revenge story about man juice?
  4. Maybe you deserved it for cheating on her. ;)
  5. Your name is Shelly? You don't have peanut butter on you, do you? And for your information, we were going to break up anyway. So techincally, it was cheating. But in reality, it was starting a new relationship.

  6. New relationship my ass. Look. You know what happend to me a few months ago? My boyfriend was over and he was high. And he was really horny. And I dont like humping guys who are high, unless I am too. So I told him to go fuck the dog and leave me alone. And...(sigh) Thats what he did. And he called out my name after each thrust.

    Now, thats worse then your penis butter story, Homack.
  7. wait, what?? is this what i think it is?[​IMG]

  8. Yeah. I think hes gay too.
  9. well the story is sorta like an urban legend... im sure it happened to someone sometime... but its still just a story. its just that i heard a revenge story like urs too so i figured urs was just another legend.

    anyways heres the jist of the story, the details vary:
    a couple breaks up badly, yadda yadda. the guy goes to a party and hooks up with a girl. his ex is there too, and sees him. she goes and blows some random guy (doesnt swallow... but doesnt spit... lol). then she goes to her now drunk ex, gives him one last kiss. and...... fluids are exchanged. yes.... ew
  10. dude, why only get horny when your and my g/f are Nymphos we will do it everyday and do that shit kinky as hell...I would get off to the dog and then let her lick the rest of the peanut butter, we get really crazy
  11. ha fuck that must suck id make sure that bitch was ruined for life. make her life hell.

  12. LMFAO wow. That's fucking funny.
  13. I am sorry to hear that and sad for that guy. It's too bad that none of those "funny" people thought about how that would make him feel.

    Sure, he wasn't raped. Sure, if he thought about it, he'd probably realize that.

    But there is no way for him to avoid the fact that he woke up with what looked like a used condom in his ass.

    For all he knows, he got raped and all of his "homies" told him they were joking about it... If that happened to you at a house full of people and they all said that, do you think you'd say "oh, alright, I guess it was just a joke"!?!??

    That is well enough to make someone evaluate their trusts.

    nobody deserves that, that was cruel.

    I am a peaceful guy, but if that were me in that situation, there would have been blood shed. Those are not people he needed in his life anyways.

    I am sorry if I sound angry with you, 420 shade, because I am not. I do encourage you to have your cousin come read this though.

    -If you are going to smoke pot, make sure you don't have your head up your ass first. For all things in life - look before you leap. Think about more effects and/or consequences than just those that directly affect you.

    sorry to all who think I am playin' bitch, but I firmly believe in what I just typed
  14. "and he letf all mad"
    a prank like that = everyone that was there is getting their ass beat. and again the next time I see them.. and the next.. and th.. well. every day. even if it was a chick that stuck the condom up there, she's getting smacked up. their house is getting looted. their car too. that is NOT cool. everyone that was in on it was an asshole. none of my friends prank anyone when they pass out. it's just not cool. man. i'm upset with your cousin's "friends".

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