At what age do you think is appropriate for "cut off"?

Discussion in 'General' started by whos_gotherb311, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. This question is in relation to parents and their kids, and when they should be financially cut off. I bring this up, because I myself has always been an independant person, and I like it that way. However, I have a sister who is close to being 25 years old and is the complete opposite. She has graduated from college, and is now about to start going to law school. My family is not a wealthy family, my dad has never had a job making more than 36k a year, and I have not spoken to my mom for 11 years. However, my grandparents, who me, my brother, and sister are close to, have a lot of money, my grandfather having two pensions. Now they have helped support us since i was about 11, but nowadays I dont ask for and dont want any money other than for school, which I get 500 every semester. I do live with them however, so that does spare me the expenses of living on my own.

    My sister is a different story. Ever since she started college, she has been coming to my grandparents I live with, my dad, and my other grandparents, for money. She tells them she needs money for this or that, while she hits up bars 3 or more times a week, has designer clothes and bags and loads of credit card debt. Both of my grandarents bought her a new jeep a few years back, my dad pays the insurance, one of my grandmothers sends her money for gas every week, and my other grandmother sends her 100 a month to pay off that credit card debt she wracked up so she can buy her nice little shit. Well, a few days ago, i get an email from the grandmother I dont live with, and my sister is on her insurance policy, and the email was a huge rant against her and how she disrespects the people that provide for her. Apparently she called my sister because her car needed to get the tags renewed, and they did ti for her, but wanted her to pay them back. Well my sister being the leech she is, told her to call my dad to get the money, even though she works a good job and has money to pay her. Its my opinion that shes come to expect other people pay for her things, and this is a 25 year old woman!! I confronted her about it, and she played it off like it wasnt true. My dad and grandmother tlak about her and her expenses and how shes always asking for money, she uses her school debt and her going to law school as an excuse, and its causing a lot of stress in the family and shes not aware of it. So i made a point to make her aware of it. So i had a polite yet spirited discussion about her habits and she DENIED some of the shit that I know is true, she straight out lied to me and expects me to believe it.

    Sorry for the ranting, but I had to get that shit out. Is anyone else here in a similar situation with a sibling? And, in your opinion, when do you think the cut off period is? Im not a huge one to talk because right now I am dependant on my grandparents, an I just turned 21 2 weeks ago. However Ive got a history of good money management, and just started my new job which is gonna allow me to save 3500 over the next 4 months, when i will be getting out and going on my own, which is what I want.
     
  2. yaa it depends on the person she seems to be using them so id cut her off im 18 now going to school in the fall for a year at tech school for computers in the meantime i play to stay at home to save up then as soon as im done w/ school get my own place i look forward to it you have a lot more respect for shit when u pay for it yourself
     
  3. why not sit down with your family and try to talk out a solution because regardless of how you sister feels about it(law school ect) your grandparents and pops are only hurting her and not helping her by giving her money when she reall doesnt NEED it. im saying a complete and total cut off of funds but deffineatly a big cut back. FORCE responsibllity on her or she may never learn it if whats happening now continues


    *edit* aww man sweet name i LOVE 311 and i was litening to that song when ii realized what you name was haha!
     
  4. Heres how I see it but im not a parent just my point of view

    As long as your making a REAl effort none of this "i do school" bullshit...as long as you work when you can and are making an effort to do something in life then family should support eachother

    Age doesnt matter if family is in need then their in need and if the person is doing their best and need help you help em

    However...if their a slacker and are willing to let me work a little harder to help them when they arent doing their fullest then its over

    Your out simple as that
     
  5. I think in her case she needs a reality check.

    When I have children, I won't see any porblem in helping to support them through college - I feel as a parent it would be my responsibility to provide my child with the resources he or she needs to succeed in life.

    I don't see designer clothes and bar money as falling into that category. I also wouldn't stand for it if one of my children demanded money from me, or used me as a bank. I mean, as long as it's not completely frivolous, and they're grateful I can't see it being a big problem.

    I guess it comes from my own upbringing. When I was much younger, I had a very hard time. My parent's declared bankruptcy and hell, there were times when there wasn't even money for gas in the car to get me to school.

    Now I'm a little older, my mom has split from my dad and moved on, things are better. I'm going into my third year of college now, and I'd be lying if I said my mom didn't help. When I'm home, and I need a little cash for gas, she doesn't mind helping out. But I don't demand anything from her. And I'm always grateful for what I get.

    I think that parents that simply push their kids out of the nest to fend for themselves when they reach 18 - especially those kids who have aspirations of going to college - I think those parents are irresponsible.

    I know this post is getting long and rambling, but I have an anecdote. My friend from school, his parents have a decent amount of money. They're not rich, but they certainly have enough to help him get through school without even straining their finances. Instead of helping him out, helping him get through school, and allowing him to maybe experience college with only the regular stress, they've completely cut him off and told him to pay his own way.

    I personally think that's disgusting. I could understand maybe paying half of his tuition, letting him earn the other half, or maybe paying his tuition but letting him work over the summer so he can buy books, and have money to live off of at school, but they've completely cut him off. His father tells him, "You're pushing it even asking to live here over the summer and eat our food."

    His dad claims it's teaching him the value of self-reliance and hard work. I think he's a fucking psycho. Being a damn music major will teach you the value of hard work by itself.

    But I digress, I don't like some peoples' views on this subject.
     
  6. wow man im in the same shit right now I dont want to explain it. My brother is also 25, im 21. Sounds very very similar if you ask me. You should keep it that way. Its the karma thing. Your sister is probably the type who is gonna end up borrowing all that money and moving far far away and never talk to anyone in your family again. My brother is prolly gonna be the exact same. Im sure its just as obvious to your parents as it is to you. Keep supporting yourself, im sure your parents are probably happy to help you with an education, but im sure they would feel real differently if you take advantage and end up buying 30" tv, ps3, designer clothes, or a gucci purse for example.

    and also just be happy you dont have to borrow the money man, it eventually becomes lame as hell when people get excessive with it and waste $
     
  7. I see we all share a lot of the same views and opinions about the subject. I too beleive parents should be responsible for providing for their kids. And I think by going to law school my sister is doing something that will be better in the future. I know that she wont be completly honost with me about it, or my grandmother for that matter either but this is what I suspect is going on. She very well could pay for a lot of the things that she asks money for IF she didnt spend it otherwise. So in order to make up for the things she spends money on she then has to go to others for support. She doesnt have to pay for gas, insruance, or car payments so her vehicle is not a cost at all. She was getting her phone bill taken care of, but she kept gong over, and would have phone bills that were like 290 dollars, in ONE month! When they asked why its like that her excuse was that she would lose track of time while on the phone. Now this is a girl that got good grades in college and is now going to law school, I think she is intelligent enough to have the pre caution NOT to go over and watch how much minutes she uses. So they cut her off, and she still ran up huge bills! She would beg them to pay for it cause it was so high and she couldnt afford it, and thats where I think the problem is...

    She really is a sympathy seeker, and she knows it works. She knows she can talk my grandparents into giving her money, and now that she has the excuse of being in law school and being to busy to work, she will use that to get what she can out of them. I told my grandmother about this yesterday, and how she totally lied to me, her own brother, and how she probably does the same to her. And the thing is I think my grandmother already knows this but see, my grandmother is very naive. She is a nice lady and I love her but that is a weakness that my sister exploits and I personally think that is wrong, especially when she wants to financially gain from it. The big problem I have, is if I really try to intervene here, its gonna cause ripples within the family. Its not that im jealous, or that I expect the same treatment, because I dont want it. My concern is, how far is this gonna go? Especially with her law school starting in a few weeks, shes moving into a house thats in New Orleans (thats where the law school is) that i heard my dad say was like 2900 dollars a month, with 3 room mates, so thats 4 people all together. Shes not gonna have a job, and with rent like that her savings she has will be gone in a matter of months. Now her main source is my grandparents that I live with, and my grandmother is generous towards her and shes gotten used to that, and so as well I think my grandmother has gotten used to just giving her money when she says she needs to. What the fuck do I do??? :confused:
     
  8. thats pretty fucked up, that they could help but arent, thats like sayin, yeah i could let you escape college with a degree and no debt, but id rather see you pay off college for the next 30 yrs of your life

    pushing it asking for food and a place to stay when not at college? just my opinion but thats the kind of parent you tell to fuck off and never visit ever again

    But hey karma will get him when hes livin in a retirement home bitchin that his kids never visits him

    to whos_gotherb311: imo its okay for a child to live with their parents until their out of school and get food/shelter, but all extra expenses like a car, cloths, spending money, should be covered by the child; thats the way it is for me, my parents will handle my needs, i handle my wants
     
  9. Help kids out until they are stopping their education. An education in like a full time job as said by one of my professors, and I think if they are working hard towards that then they could use a little financial help. But once they have a job and are no longer attending school, then they need to start being responsible for themselves.

    Of course, a little emergency money is always good if needed to pay some bills or soemthing.
     
  10. I have a 26 year old brother.

    He 'works' with my uncle fixing up an apartment building that my uncle owns (mortgage is 100% paid off and rent from the tenants is the income).

    I dont know the exacts of his financial situation, but I know he doesn't have much money. He gets a 'big' check every few months from our uncle (usually like 1-3k).

    Some of the purchases he's made:

    $700 Trek Bicycle that he used for about 4 months
    $1500 Turntables that he used for a month, decided he sucked at it and now stores his TV on top of it.
    Thousands of dollars in CD's and DVD's.
    $1500 Bow Flex total gym (but he has a gym membership instead and lets it collect dust).

    He doesnt have a car.

    He has no post highschool education.

    I'm afraid he's going to end up in a shithole of a life, and I hate to see that happen to my family.

    I totally know where your coming from. He's 26 years old and still living with his parents, doesnt have a real job and has no ambitions... I dont get how you can be satisfied with a life like that.

    Me- I'm going places.
     
  11. Wow. You guys should definitely do something to her, something to make her realize shes fucking up. Next time, maybe your family should just straight up tell her "No" when she asks for money. She needs to realize that she cant keep leaching off people like this forever, ESPECIALLY if she has her own job.
     
  12. well, if you have money to spend, spend it b4 you die. Better to spend it on your family than just gambling it away.
     
  13. If my kid did not go to college then I would give them one year after they graduate high school to get some sort of job and living arrangement for themselves. If my kid went to college then I would support them through school. I would always help out in a drastic situation. Its not a greed issue to me, I would just have to cut them off so they would become an adult.
     
  14. I don't know an exact date, a date that comes to my mind would be around there teens getting close to 16, fuck the cars, and everythingelse and this is a time where responsibility should be learned, but yet again they turn on you and have all kind of problems and should be learned when they are young.

    My experience on this, I have to say I was spoiled up to the ages of 16, my parents had resturaunts and they were constantly working due to economic ineffciency.. So since my parents couldn't spend much time as they could, they would use money and buy us whatever we wanted, meaning gaming consoles, games and all this type of stuff, made it easier for them cause we were happy and they could go on with there lives easier I suppose.

    When my parents made time to go away, I was spoiled by traveling all over and going on many cruises out in sea, was fun and we had time to all hang out..

    When I hit 16, I worked, worked all the time making good money, for a year or two I still felt like my parents should pay for this and that but they didn't and I felt like a fool and learned a lot at this point.. I live on the coast, lots of rich spoiled kids, iggorant fools that were people you just didn't want to hang out with.. I still bought 30k cars, and now 50k cars and whatever I want and people bitch all the time which is what gets me, I pay for my insurance, rent, car payments, gas everything school, books and not a problem, there are many that could never do this.

    I don't like whiney bitches that are in there 20's asking there parents for this and that, sissy lala bakla is what I would call them.

    but like the above statement said on what I owned, the NTF,ATF fucked me, fucking piece of shits and most likely im facing state custody and I have never been in jail before.
     
  15. i say if theres financial troubles then after 2 years of college or even after high school. i mean come on theres butt loads of grants and scholarships out there just apply. but if you a financlially stable id say after a 4yr degree maybe give 6months to find a job but no more. the longer parents pay for their kids crap the more of a burden on society the kids become. they just dont know how to take care of themselves. now im only 18 so what i said sounds like its from a father or something but that shouldnt matter if the kids a leech drop em like a bad habit.
     

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