asking out the shy girl

Discussion in 'General' started by Chaohinon, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. I didn't think it were possible, but I've met a person who is even more of an awkward, shy, socially inept (not meant as an insult...just a state of being) homebody than I am. I've been crushing on her heavily for over a year and still have no idea how to handle it.

    With my past 3 girlfriends, things were relatively easy. On top of them asking me out, they were of the sort of personality that I felt comfortable opening up to them and being myself (although this turned out to be a mistake in 2 cases, but I digress...). In addition to the fact that I've never actually approached a girl myself, being around this one just kills my ability to function. Words don't come easily, I'll even tremor and perspire, which just opens up a downward spiral of further nervousness.

    The problems don't end there. Assuming I were to break out of my shell of nil courage and ask her to do something/go somewhere with me, and that her answer is a yes of some sort, how am I going to know for sure that she's truly interested and not just being nice? Or worse yet, actually intimidated into not turning me down? Looks are another worrisome factor. I'm 6'1", have long, thick hair, a goatee, could stand to lose a few pounds, and have been told with sincerity that I look like a serial killer, while she is 4'10", tiny in virtually every aspect, and...fucking pretty, in my eyes anyway. I'm concerned that I might be perceived as predatory and going for the "slim pickings", which isn't helped by the fact that the girls I've previously dated have overwhelming reputations as sluts.

    I guess it's pretty transparent that this is one of those posts asking for answers that I want to hear. I expect a lot of, "just be yourself and go for it, it's better than sitting around wondering 'what if'!" Though as much as I've read into the situation, in some ways I think the risks outweigh the potential benefits. I'm hoping a few of you guys have [successful] experiences approaching shy girls. Just what the hell do I do?
  2. In all honesty, when it comes to asking girls out, whether you've been crushing for a year or not, it's 100% worth it to go out on a limb and put yourself out there. This may not be what you were looking for in posting this, but, in my experience, exposing yourself to humiliation by asking a girl out will ultimately pay off in one way or another (whether it be growth in yourself, or an awesome relationship).
  3. the most important thing to do in this situation is really just to be very romantic and sweet. girls that are typically cast as "victim" girls (and usually are the shy ones) are HUGELY receptive to classically romantic gestures. eg, flowers, chocolates, etc upon asking out. cute things like that.

    and of course, the question i had is if she isnt the type of personality that would make you "open up" isnt that a bad personality match for you to date? i didnt get that part.

    yo im super high so if something didnt make sense... i'm sorry. music is so pretty right now.
  4. well if she wasn't interested i don't think she'd accept, so i wouldn't worry about that. just try not to worry about the what ifs. or come up with a possible solution/response to those what ifs beforehand.

    is she shy around you, or does she seem to open up more than usual, or make an attempt to?

    the easiest way i've found to talk to shy girls is to kind of pry for answers. ask them about themselves or their day and they're likely to give vague answers, and not really elaborate. so just ask em to tell you more about whatever it is you're talking about. basically you gotta force em to talk, in a way. especially if you're a shy guy, because it allows you to avoid silence, but not have to talk so much. then you can talk more as you get more comfortable.
  5. I've thought about that, and really it could go either way. Most relationship success stories revolve around someone fiercely seeking out what they want. In my past, it was always a case of a girl showering me with attention to start off and then me just "settling" for what was right there. Drawing this one out will be a hell of a challenge, though, mainly because it's always been me who has been 'drawn out', whether it be a relationship, friendship, or what have you. The few times I've tried talking to her, the responses were of course short and to the point, and I immediately got the impression that she wanted me to go away and was perhaps even repulsed by my presence. But that is point-for-point exactly what the situation has always been when it comes to someone approaching I understand why people are always frustrated with my shyness. I just don't know how to interpret any signals, and unfortunately how self-conscious I am always dictates that interpretation be a negative one.

    But I've been a ghost my entire life, and for my senior year I'm hell-bent on doing at least a few things that are a bit on the risky side, this being one of them. But in this case, I'm far more terrified than I am determined.
  6. You said it better then i could have(well not really, im just lazy).
  7. I think you already know what to do, you're just overthinking a bit too much.
  8. Hey i use to have the same problem as you. One thing that helped me a lot was a book called The Game by Neil Strauss and this website it wont really help you with long term relationships but mostly approaching, opening lines, confidence builders, and other things that will defintally(sp) help. Just reading the book and looking at all the threads on the site wont help completely but if you take what you learn go out to a club (or any other local hangout spot) and practice it will make a huge difference. I really hope this helps.
  9. Just do it, I waited too long for a guy to ask me out, and he had liked me the whole time I wanted to be with him too. Waiting sucks, just go out there and be like hey whatcha doing friday?
  10. Whats this??? You talkin shit? :D
  11. If you dont claim her someone else will...shit ill do it, where do you live?

    Make a shirt that is has big picture of a raptor on it, that should help you approach her.

  12. HA, I too have been told that, not just by one person either :D
  13. Well, I can safely say I've got a fairly similar personality. The tip I'm going to give you, is try to get to know her a little before hand. Know her enough to be able to talk freely with her so if things do go your way and you do end up dating, it won't be awkward being with eachother or simply talking on the phone etc. That's what I've tried to do in this situation and I'm 1 for 2. Maybe it's not your style and maybe the circumstances won't allow it, but I hope this helps.
  14. I'm in the same situation, i met this girl who is everything i could want (and i'm very very picky when it comes to girls) but she is so shy it's like awkward to talk to her. I'm not very outgoing, but i'm not really shy it just sucks. I'm planning on asking her if she wants to hang out but i don't even know her that good yet. I can tell that she'd be really cool once shes comfortable talking to me, and she definitely likes me a lot.
  15. give it a shot, bro. What do you have to loose?
  16. LMAO!
  17. Just hang out with her alot, and if shes interested in you, you'll know. Movies at her place, mini golf, bowling, all activities in which the way she acts will be a good indication of how she likes you. After hanging out with her several times, talk to her friends if you can, if shes said good things, theyll love to spill the beans. Something I've noticed about the shy girls, theyre the ones who get freaky in bed :-D
  18. [​IMG] bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks

    But to the point, confidence is key bro.
  19. I got a question, Do you feel like this in alot of areas of your life?

    Then drop it, Not tommrow, Not next week. TODAY.




    Do it, No excuses, Do it.

    Do ya thang, Theres nothing to be afraid of. All the things your afraid of will better yourself no matter what you do. Whether its a great relashionship or rejection it'll teach you thinks you can only learn youself, And that goes in every aspect of your life.

    Grab life by the horns man. Get up and get out and do something.
  20. i know where he's coming from shy girls can be awkward as hell

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