Are you an 80's action hero??

Discussion in 'General' started by sidious, Jul 22, 2002.

  1. well simply ask yourself if any of this applies to you......

    Are you in an 80's action movie?

    Do you feel an uncontrollable desire to start your car by punching through the glass of the drivers door, then ripping wires from under the steering column?

    Whenever you shift into gear and release the handbrake, does Kenny Loggins start playing?

    Did you start your day at loggerheads with a hotheaded young buck, only to develop a grudging respect for their methods as the day wore on?

    Do you cross the road by running into heavy traffic causing cars to squeal their brakes while you steady yourself on their bonnets?

    Has your black superior officer given you just "twenty-four more hours" to crack this case"? Will he "have your badge" if you "screw up"?

    And before bedtime, do you feel it is likely you will be lured into some kind of climactic shoot-out in a hall of mirrors?

    Are any of the following people nearby, sneering: Michael Ironside, Joss Ackland, Lance Henriksen, Carl Weathers, James Belushi, Eric Roberts, Jon Voight, Gary Busey, Danny Trejo, Christopher Walken, Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Bolo Yeung, Brion James, Frank Langella, or Will Patton?

    Are you divorced and live in a cruddy little flat because your wife got the house and custody of the child, whose birthday you nearly always forget?

    Is the arch-villian's base conveniently situated in an abandoned chemical factory near the old docks. Helpfully, does it have miles of ventiation ducting which, for no clear reason, has been built big enough to hold a man?

    Before heading to this base, do you have a strange urge to wordlessly prepare and sheath guns, knives, grenades and a crossbow?

    When shown on network television, does your dialogue contains words like "motherfarmer", "freak you" and "sockcutter"?

    Does the arch-villain have a female martial arts sidekick of questionable sexuality who appears to want to duff up your female sidekick in a lengthy yet strangely bloodless fight?

    Does a sort of 'king' henchman who is larger / blonder than the rest and doesn't really say much keep appearing?

    Have you ever run from a burning building and flung yourself headlong behind a conveniently placed mound of earth at the precise moment the building explodes, thus ensuring you are not blown to smithereens, but merely have a few streaks of dust on your face?

    Have you sustained wounds that would fell an adult elephant?

    But do you only grimace slightly then totally ignore them for the rest of the film, until your arch rival thrusts rusty metal spikes into them in the final confrontation?

    Have you recently done something so spectacular that a nearby drunk has rubbed his eyes in disbelief before staring accusingly at his bottle?

    Has the sardonic leader of a group of European terrorists spent the last ten minutes climbing somewhere absurdly high, only to plummet to his death, when he would have been perfectly OK had he stayed on the ground and just shot you?

    At the conclusion of the movie, does your tough, uncompromising black police chief tell you: "You're suspended for two weeks with full pay - now get your ass to Miami Beach. (Then do credits role with hero cop in a bikini jam with cocktail and hot-rocking babe in hand)

  2. I was gonna lie and say yes i received it from a friend in an e-mail....i have no idea who wrote it, but it gave me a good chuckle anyway.....Peace out.....Sid
  3. screw all that shnit...If I had to be someone i'd be Gemini from american gladiators!

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