Are we destined to repeat mistakes??

Discussion in 'General' started by flowerchild420, May 19, 2003.

  1. I have battled this addiction I have to oxycontins, percocets, and other various prescription pills for almost 7 yrs now. Right now, I'm so high on them that I'm having a hard time even typing. You know the sad part is that I will stay clean for anywhere from a month to 8 months but everytime something goes wrong in my life or I'm unhappy, I go right back to my old habits without thinking twice. It's like I find a sense of false security and happiness whenever I snort these damn things!!! I get so pissed at myself but I feel so numb whenever I do them. It's like the world could blow up and I wouldn't care in the least bit.

    Sometimes I feel that no matter how hard I try to change that I will always remain this pill head that is unable of coping with life the normal way. I guess I'm just destined to repeat this life of pill popping and snorting until I finally cease to breathe. I just don't understand what my obsession with these little things are. Sometimes I feel they control my life because when I don't have them, I don't even feel like getting out of bed anymore.

    Does anyone have any ideas how one can kick a habit such as mine and actually stay clean. I've tried everything from rehab to counceling and still yet, everytime I end up right back where I started.................
     
  2. i know what its like fighting an addiction.

    i escaped tobacco many times but, in similar ways to you, i went back to them after even months of being quit. to stay clean requires your concentraition and focus... it can often only take a moments lapse in concentration or as others put it "a moment of weakness", and your right back in there.

    it took serious adverse effects and threats to my life before i really REALLY started to try to quit.

    meditation and mushrooms (among other things) helped.
     
  3. first i have a question, forgive my ignorance,...what exactly are oxycottens a form of,? herion?......
    i also know someone who has a keen liking for oxy's and percocets, i dont believe he can stop either im not sure he even wants to. his longest time from oxy's is been bouta month.(or so thats what he says :))and he took them for bout 8 months before i even caught on.
    i believe in his case its some of the people he hangs around with, they gotem he likes so he buys em.

    sorry i have no advice at all,....but if you need an extra ear for anything, i can shup real nice an listen.

    peace
     
  4. Highawatha..........oxycontins are pure oxycodone hydrochloride. They are of the opiate family and around here they are referred to as the "hillbilly herion". The effects of both drugs are very similiar. On the street around here, one 80mg oxycontin is a hundred dollars. (Yes, us addicts will pay that much for such a small pill but the demand for them around here has upped the prices considerably).

    Thank you all for listening. I feel like I am spiraling out of control and watching my life go by as if I were a bystander. How I let something like a pill take over my life (once again) is beyond me.
     
  5. if its something like that, then perhaps it could be worthwhile moving away to a place where you know you cannot get them ever again.
     

  6. Digit, I have really considered doing that in the past week. Just to get away from the pills, and my so-called friends, and all the rest of the memories that I have here. But I have no idea where I would want to go (to be perfectly honest). I have visited tons of places but none of them feel like it does here. (But maybe that is why I should move)??????????
     
  7. people makethe mistake of thinking 'just a pill' . it's so tiny, it can't be ruling my life; but chemicals are incredibly powerful. when people say ' it's just hormones' i think JUST! hormones are such incredibly powerful chemicals, they run the whole show of us humans here if you think about it.
    so a) don't be ashamed that something so 'little' has a grip on you. it's a fucking bulldozer.
    b) would it be the end of the world to always be a pill head. can you sorta control it ?
    c) do you smoke grass? use that more to keep you 'cocooned'
    sometimes things like this are a sane reaction to an insane situation.maybe the only way your sensitive soul can feel comfortable in this crazy world, is to be out of touch with it.and that, in a way, is very sane and understandable.
    d) do you have anyone you can really talk to? tell the whole works to?
    i feel sad for you and for eveyone who is in the grip of an addiction, cos we're just vulnerable, fragile cretures, who only wanted to feel better. and then you're at the mercy of the chemicals. whatever they are.
    i'd be too ashamed to tell you of the things i've done for the want of one chemical or another. lied, cheated, stealed etc
    they've been more powerful than any lover or child.
     
  8. Hang in there FC. When things are easily accessable, it makes it harder to do with out..

    You may need to make a serious move to drop the habbit.
     
  9. Hey FC. Ok. ANYTHING that makes you feel better (be it genuine, or drug induced) is hard to get away from. Sounding smug and self righteous here, so smack me if I need it, but you're on a run of being clean for awhile, right? It's called the wall. It's that critical place where you make the decision which way you're gonna go from here. Ya think ya might be having a hard time clearing that wall? I'm just giving ya stuff I've heard some people who have had to kick pill and worse habits tell me about it. It can be done. There's gonna be bad days, ya just gotta ride it out, the sun will shine again. Ya into exercise? Physical activity helps! As far as moving away, ya might not have to go that far, but you're definitely gonna have to put the word out that you're done. Stay away from situations that can put you in contact with it. Specially on the bad days. Find a friend who does'nt do it, (or one that wants to quit too) and have them help ya.

    Now for the cheesy quote;

    Merlin told Arthur and his nights that "it was the doom of man to forget."

    Ya can change the man part to woman if you're not pickin up on where I'm going here.:)


    Remember the ordeal you just went thru?

    Did the pills contribute to that?

    Hang on to that when times are hard.


    Ok. I'm not Dr. Phil. I hate that asshole! He's even from Oklahoma! Sheesh! Not as bad as Texas giving us W. Bush, but close. I'm starting to sound like the balding shithead so I'm gonna quit now.

    Take care and don't forget about your peeps at the city.

    They'll listen to anybody!:D
     
  10. A move could be a good thing, as long as it's in the right direction. I can't say i speak from experience of chemical dependency, but i know how fucked up life itself can get. I was fuckin wiggin' nutty when i lived in the big city. What i did was abandon pretty much all my worldly posessions aside from my car, some clothes, my bong, and a few small items like my CD's and playstation, packed everything up in my car, and drove out into thew unknown. It was the best thing i've ever done. I used to seriously wish i'd die and be freed of the absolute misery and horror of living among a crowd of blind idiot assholes in the cities, but i couldn't admit defeat enough to off myself. I went west, into the most remote regions of America, and i've found an island of paradise among a sea of violence which is this country. If pills are the only "happiness" in your life then there something you need to change in life. You don't have to take such drastic measures, but looking back on it, i have the equivalent feeling of breaking out of a life sentence in a prison after leaving the ugly places where so many of us live in a sick twisted version of what's considered life. Climb a mountain and commune with nature. Allow yourself some kind of adventure that allows you to commune with nature, see how beautiful the world really is when the the masses and the devices of man are not around to clutter it all up.


    Peace
     
  11. if i were you i would use marijuana to fight this or at least try to. if you ever have a craving smoke in its place and do something fun go out to eat or shopping or a haircut or just do anything at all that will get your mind off the pills and stop you from sitting around. use marijuana because it has no side effects and you can easily get off of it. addiction is a hard thing and it amazing how the body can adapt to it. did you know your brain naturally has receptors for opiates because your bady produces a hormone which has opiate charastics. that is why it is so easy to get addicted to opiates. whatever you do i wish you the best of luck in getting off the pills. it will take a lot of hard work but i believe you can do it if you want to.
     
  12. rehab and counceling obviously arent helping. the only thing that is going to make you stop is your own motivation, and i feel that if you absolutely cant quit, then maybe not all of you wants to quit. maybe youre not completely motivated. maybe.

    -Samus-
     
  13. Such words of wisdom from all my buds that lend me the support I so need. I guess when your an addict you seem to surround yourself with people that have the same addictions you do so that no one "looks down upon you" when you are sick from the wanting or so high that you pass out while smoking a cigarette. The sad part is that when I quit its like I'm doing so good and life seems so much livelier. Then its like I let it all go to hell and just give up and its like all my "so called friends" are addicts like myself so its always so damn easy to go back. It starts out with just one pill here and there and bam, before I know it, I'm back to the old me that I loathe so much.

    Maybe there is something more meaningful missing in my life but believe me, if I knew what that damn void was...I would fix it in a heartbeat. I guess I just need to do some soul searching but where to start is another question. But I do thank everyone for everything..........sometimes its nice to just to have someone to listen to that isn't trying to get you to buy pills so they can get a buzz as well.
     
  14. search darlin,..an myoffer still stands, flower if you ever need totalk to another girlie,...ill listen

    peace
     
  15. Hang in there, Flowerchild! Sometimes a move is a good thing. sending good karma to you.
     
  16. im sorry to hear that!
     

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