I'm assuming many laymen don't know what Depersonalization Disorder is, considering even many mental health experts don't understand it. Now, I believe it's slightly different for everyone, but for the most part those who have it generally feel the same. Let me tell you, to the best of my ability, what I feel. This is difficult for those who don't have it to comprehend, but I will try my best to explain it. It's like knowing what reality is, and know reality is true, but not THINKING it is true. I'm not like a schizophrenic, I know that I am real, and the world I live in is real. I'm not delusional in that sense. I cant, however, BELIEVE it's true. The best way to describe it is to feel as though you're life is a dream, or that you are living inside a movie. You know things can happen, but you don't think they can happen. You are separated from reality but at the same time you know it exists. When I think of my past, my memories, I can't see them in the first person. They are all in the third person. If I try to recall an event from my childhood, or even a few years ago, I see it as someone else looking at "my" life, watching the things I do. It's a very complicated thing to explain, and hard for people to understand. So I was just wondering if anyone else suffers from it. Wiki entry on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
I sometimes wonder if life is a dream. I'm not obsessed with these thoughts. I feel trapped in my own mind. I'm also starting to get to a point where I don't care. About anything. I don't care about the girl who gets raped and murdered. I don't care if my family would be sad if I died. I don't care about the mess they might have to clean up. I don't want to die, I just don't want to feel like this. Is there any genuine help for people like me?
Not good thoughts your having man, might need to rethink some stuff, seems like your losing human compasion, or feelings all togeather.
hmm to answer your question accurately only every tom, dick, and harry on planet earth.... i feel you on the third person retrospective thing, i've just never really thought about it like that and as for suffering.... i believe the only real suffering(amongst us blades at least) is that which we instill upon ourselves not saying there is no suffering in the world, but for the most part here in the good ol' us of a we only suffer as much as suffrage as our spirits will let us
I feel more like I'm not a part of this world. Mostly from most things you see on mtv and the news about celebrities, i just look at these people and can't comprehend how stupid they are. My brother is one of them, and so are all his friends, along with my parents. I just feel trapped by stupidity, like i can't communicate with the people around me. It's also making me very arrogant and narcississtic, which i'm starting to get extremely sick of. Just gotta wait until april when i move out again.
You could suffer from DPR yourself. There is no cure for it. Most psychiatrists try a combination of psychotherapy and anti-depressant drugs. I tried the psychotherapy, but refused to go on any SSRI. I quite the therapy because it was doing nothing for me, a waste of money. Alcohol helps some people, and it does me. Most people use alcohol as an escape from reality, I use it to bring me back. Now, I know the negative health effects, so I'm trying my best not to become a drunk. I only drink between 1-3 days a week, depending on how I'm feeling. Most days I just suffer through it, and try to go through life like a robot, knowing what I'm suppose to do and just doing it. On days when I drink, I don't get "drunk." A couple beers or glasses of wine in the morning, will make me feel like normal. A couple more, periodically through the day, will make me feel "normal" for the entire day. Those are my best days, the only time I'm really happy and can enjoy life. I limit those days though, like I said, as to not feel the financial, physical, and future mental burdens that excessive consumption of alcohol can cause.
i have it but not as bad as you. and from what ive read its only temporary. usually brought on to potheads by smoking marijuana. if you stop smoking it should go away within a couple weeks. i call it the "pot haze" cause your just in this dreamy permastone haze its a type of anxiety so that explains downers like alcohol helpin you out^
Yes. That is something else I feel. I'm glad you made this post. I see stupidity all around me, I wonder how people can do things that most would consider "normal" and I consider them absurd, and ridiculous. Sometimes I can feel as though I analyze people too much, that I can see beyond their actions and understand their motivations; I can see how foolish they really are because of what they do. One example from last night. I went to a party at a friends house. One person, whom I know, walked in after me, with a 6 pack of Dos Equis. When he opened the door and walked in, it's obviously a natural impulse for everyone in the room to turn and look at the person who has just entered. He holds up his six pack and repeats from the commercial "I don't always drink beer, but when I do....hahahah" And of course everyone laughs. I can't stop myself from examining situations like that though. I think to myself right away, he felt nervous and awkward walking in, he pre-planned this joke in his head, thought about it probably on the entire drive, and said it in order to alleviate tension and his own anxiety. I end up being the only person in the room not laughing, and I feel embarrassed for him. Then I get depressed, because instead of just hearing the joke and being able to laugh like everyone else, I see the deeper meaning behind it and think how ridiculous people are.
Well, I stopped smoking 4 days ago. My current plan is no weed for about 3 months. In 26 days (one month since I will have last smoked) I'm also going to cut out alcohol from my life. I kind of want to give my brain a "reset." I would stop both smoking and drinking at the same time, but I know that will prove too difficult and I'll falter, so I figured one at a time. After a month of doing neither both, I'm hoping I might feel better. If I do, I'll continue that sobriety for an extended period, and then try to see if I can do both smoking and drinking again, in moderation, without the negative effects.
fyi, we remember from a birds eye view. Maybe some people recall memorizes in first person, but I don't, and I don't suffer from depersonalization.
Start reading up on body language, nervous ticks, sub-conscious. You'd make a great people reader, because it's already what you do. I'm the same exact way, my whole life has been like that. I've also felt like i'd never find something worth applying myself at. I'd venture a guess that you were naturally good at anything you've ever done in your life, but you didn't really see any point in applying yourself. That's how i was, but found something, something so amazing i can't even begin to describe how happy it makes me, how much i love doing it (it isn't drugs or sex). My whole life revolves around it and when i'm doing it, it's not possible to think about "normal". I don't care how stupid people are. I don't care how fake they are. I don't care if I'm going to have a job or a place to stay in the future. Fuck all that. All i care about is skydiving.
It's hard for me not to care how "stupid" and "fake" people are though, because it's one of the first and only things I see about people. I know why someone I'm familiar or friendly with does or says something immediately, even if they don't fully understand why they said or did it, it being a sub-conscious action for them. If I'm somewhere public, at a party or something with people I don't know, I can't help but immediately examine everything they do. Within minutes of watching someone I can determine their personality and the meaning behind every single one of their actions. Maybe that's what makes me feel separated from "reality." Where others just see an action, I can't help but see and understand the motivation behind the action.
It's worse when I'm high. Which is why I'm laying off weed for quite a while. Think about how bad it would be if you felt like that 24/7 though.
I have episodic depersonalization disorder. It comes and goes. There's always bits of it there if that makes any sense but it goes from me being for the most part normal to near completely out of it. It's like your conscious mind can still work and be rational and be 'reality is this' but my subconscious/intuitive mind just can't do that. Like it's on the surface but just doesn't sink in to where it'd actually matter. Like smoking cigs in a way, you can see and know that there's all these horrid things it can cause but your brain prevents that knowledge from sinking in to where it could effect some change. See reality and know what it is but can't believe it. I'd say a lot more about it but I don't wanna just repeat everyone else so yeah.
word i feel you on this man. ive seen people rehearse and recite on shit just like this. theyll bring up what ever they decided to make look cool but usually fail and make themselves look retarded. so i always call them out on it to see their reaction cause its so funny. it always like "..pfhsh..no" i hate fakes too. a while back this guy i know was wearing a shirt very obviously representing LSD usage. This kid cant finish a joint by himself and if he does he'll trip the fuck out, has never done any type of hallucinogen,cant even finish half a stog without puking, hes basically a noob with no business with a shirt like that. Honestly it wasnt that big a deal but it offended me that he was wearing something like that so i called him out somethin like "so how many times have you dropped acid?" hegot all mad then stuttered and hesitated and said something about my jimi hendrix shirt like "well why are you wearing that shirt if youve never seen him?" and i said " i didnt have to, i listen to his music hence why i wear this shirt but you, youve never taken LSD and i know damn well you wouldnt even be able to hand any type of trip" he said "ill wear what ever i want" and i said "thats good, but try not to make yourself look like some punk ass poser while your at it" goddamn i hate people like this. oh and if i smoke a lot of weed at night and wake up early by my alarm ill have moderately strong depersonlization for like 10 minutesdoes anyone else get this?
I know it's hard. It was extremely hard for me too, as it is with everybody like you. I still realize how stupid people are. I still look for hidden agendas, the real reason people do things. I'm always thinking there's a hidden reason for every action, every statement. I don't find anything "normal"people find funny. In fact everytime im in public and see peope attempting humor i get disgusted. But i don't really care. I just brush it off because in a few months im gonna be where i want to be. There are people out there worth talking to, you're just surrounded by all the others NOT worth talking to. Go do something with your life, meet new people, follow your dreams. Whatever life you have now, doesn't seem to be working for you.