Anyone else asexual? need advice.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Carnie, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. I was wondering if any blazers on this forum identify themselves as asexual.

    I identify myself as asexual, but I am still romantically attracted to people. What I mean by that is, I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone but I am still capable of falling in love.

    Right now I am in college, and I am experiencing this as a very lonely time. It seems like everyone I meet is sexual and they cannot understand me. I see everyone in relationships, but I cannot keep a relationship because I can't put out.

    It took me many years to realize this. I kept on having sex with my partners because my older sisters promised me that if I do it enough times, then I will like it. I can now say in confidence that I don't like it.

    If you need it explained further, I've used this metaphor to explain this to other people. Imagine a food that everyone seems to enjoy, but you don't enjoy it. You'll eat it to please someone that you love, but you would never seek the meal out. Pizza for example. Most people I know enjoy pizza (most people I know enjoy sex). But I don't like pizza even though I've eaten it many times before (I don't like sex no matter how many times I have it). Someone may make a really great pizza and let you have some (I have had 'good' sex with someone). But in the end, no matter how good someone makes the pizza, you just don't like.

    I am a female and I get unwanted attention from males. Many males have accused me of "leading them on" because I don't know how to react to the unwanted attention without really hurting some feelings.

    So my questions to you fellow blazers are: How can I appropriately reject the unwanted sexual attention without making the person feel completely rejected?

    My apologies if that sounds like an obvious question, but it's really not obvious for me. I've experienced much heart ache from this issue.

    Thank you for reading :)
  2. Sounds like you just have a low sex drive or can be a by-product of mental illness etc . I had a girlfriend like that never initiated sex - didn’t like it etc but liked relationships with males but wished there was no sex involved... I think it’s a common issue for females - or i am like george costanza and need to be more like Kramer.

    Don’t have sex just because males make you feel guilty - Most males don’t understand what a low sex drive is and rejection will almost always result in hurt feelings on the guys part especially early on in relationships - no explanation will suffice. If you have sex just to satisfy your partner you could grow to resent them and they will resent you... If you meet someone you really love/like get relationship counselling and see if you can both make compromises
  3. Asexual: the ability to reproduce without mating; produce offspring with a single dna donor. DAFUQ bro?
  4. sucks to be you.

  5. Yes, you are very correct.

    But when talking about human sexuality, asexual means that you don't have sexual attraction. Sometimes it can be called "non-sexuality" and terms are used interchangeably.

    Here is a wiki entry: Asexuality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    and here is a website about people who identify as asexual: Asexual Visibility and Education Network
  6. Believe it or not, there is something wrong if you have NO sex drive.
  7. Tell them you have the herps

  8. I am very open and willing to listen to your input, but could you be more specific? Do you mean something wrong with me in terms of physical (problem with the vagina), neurological (problem with the brain and nerves), psychological, or a combination?

    I am comfortable with my sexual identity (or lack there of) and I personally don't see it as a character flaw. I am just feeling lonely and upset right now because I can't find a non-sexual romantic relationship in the college environment.

    I enjoy being cuddled, hugged, and kissed lightly. I enjoy being told that I am special and they they love me. I enjoy having someone in my life that I can take care of, be there for, and tell them that I love them too.

    I've actually had a relationship with a man that I believe was asexual as well. We dated for three years and I was completely head over heels for him. I wanted to raise a family and grow old together. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone or anything before. We talked about how many kids we wanted and what we'd name them. Our relationship was the only special thing I had in my life.

    Then he tossed me out like a piece of trash. He told me that I was a drug addict (even though I only drink and smoke pot). I tried explaining to him that I only drank on the weekends with my friends and that I need MMJ to survive. I tried compromising with him, but he would not budge.

    My family has also tossed me out. They hang up the phone when they hear my voice and none of my sisters will talk to me anymore, and I don't know why.

    I try very hard to appreciate the moments I have with my friends, but I need something more than just friends. I feel like I am dying of loneliness.
  9. Hearing your issues I would suggest u seek out some couciling maybe at the free clinic or at a school campus to avoid the bill but I think u should re connect with your family and maybe even look into meeting for people dealing with non-sexual lifestyles

    Hmm have u ever tried things to boost ur sex drive? Medication, herbal remedy, tantric meditation, or even wiccan love spells? Look into those, maybe an answer is out there but honestly I feel as tho a life with out the enjoyment of a healthy sexual appetite is very monotone.

  10. A quick search turned up this about FSAD (Female Sexual Arousal Disorder):

    Honestly trying to help, it is very possible that you may be suffering from FSAD due to any one or combination of these causes. I'm not a doctor, this is just what I've found; to get a better viewpoint you should consult your doctor.

    Lack of sex drive in women (lack of libido)
  11. I don't like pizza either :p
  12. I've only read about you people! Never thought I would meet one, how unfortunate you're a woman (why? Because a woman is gonna get more shit, higher expectations from a male partner)

    I will say this, never expect a normal relationship with a non a sexual, a man needs to have sex, not only that he needs to believe you want it. Its very tied in a mans mind that his sexual performance is related to his self worth. Because u dont enjoy sex, your partner wont feel like he is attractive, or that you are into him.

    Best bet is to find another a sexual or just act like u havent found mr right with ur family
  13. Hey other people, its not a cause of a disease etc, a very small percent of the pop is "asexual" ive learned quite a bit about it. Its real, just very rare
  14. Maybe if you just want a life partner you should befriend another woman. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying to have a sexual relationship with her, but I believe there may be a lot of other women who would like a nonsexual, security only, relationship. Being a man, I can tell you any guy is going to want sexual relations...
  15. Just be straight up & be like NO. && No means No after all.
    Being flirtatious, leading on n stuff is kinda natural imo, to a certain degree. But a lot of guys are just super thirsty for sex no reason...

    no sex drive though? not too sure...that's like a natural thing for us to have aint it? to have it i mean.
    i'm celibate(?) && the whole sex thing is kinda overrated to me. Yeah i like sex; i get my urges, but for the most part it's all controllable & in the mind. as long as i have a kid or 2, maybe a couple of em. i can live the rest of my life pretty mch happy without sex.

    are we soul mates?
  16. Maybe a 'relationship' in its traditional sense is not for you, a major part of companionship with a male (and I suspect in the long run in a female relationship) is Sex, the vast majority of men masterbate at least once a day and this will not stop while in a relationship, the fact that you are able but unwilling to participate will eventually play on his nerves. If you do want companionship with a single person for a sustained period of time then for the sake of openness and and to avoid disappointment, you will need to keep an open mind with him sleeping with other women. Do you achieve any stimulation at all while masterbating?.. if you dont really masterbate because you have convinced yourself that your asexual that may be the cause of the problem, thats where almost all human beings begin the sexual part of their lives. If you achieve no stimulation at all then you have a physical or neurological problem, but otherwise you should aim to masterbate at least once a day, the vast majority of people will tell you that the first time they masterbated it was overly intense and unenjoyable, but most people persevere due to hormones and arousal, enjoying it after only a few sessions. If you have never really masterbated but have reluctantly agreed to sleep with several men, its only natural your not going to enjoy it, explore yourself before letting other people do it!

  17. Or it could be hormonal. If i were you i'd tell a doctor.

    You're lonely, right? Well, i don't know many people who want to have a sexless love life. So chances of you finding a suitable partner are slim.

    Get yourself together, find out what's going on and fix it.
  18. ye asexual means you can reproduce without a mate , like worms , are you a worm op
  19. ^^

    There's a difference between asexual reproduction and being asexual

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