I've searched and searched and found many threads on this topic, but feel this one deserves some special attention. I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. I've grown very close to her family, and she's close to ours. I love being with her, and have grown so close to her. But there's one problem: cannabis. She hates it. Absolutely hates it! If you even bring it up around her, it drives her so crazy she won't talk to you for a while (she's gone without being nice to me for a couple days because my DAD brought up the topic of getting a bong at the dinner table). Our relationship was rocky after a couple months of dating (I'll summarize it since no one really needs to know the details, nor does anyone probably care). I was 16, hormones raging, and was known as the "ladies man" in our area. She was the opposite (shy, never talked to guys much, etc.). Somehow, we worked. She caught me talking to other girls behind her back once, and since then we've been rocky. I've come a long way since 16 (I'll be 20 in a month), and am 100% faithful to her and love her to death. Pot still stands in our way. But I don't know why. Her mom smoked pot (up until a little over a year ago when she got a job in the transportation industry, aka drug tests galore), her best friend smokes pot, her sister smoked pot, etc etc. And she doesn't resent them or stop talking to them because of it. In my case, I guess I'm just held to a much higher standard. And I know why: HER PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SCUMBAG FATHER who she hasn't seen in over a decade. He was a pot-smoking, cocaine-sniffing, alcoholic piece of garbage. And thanks to that (and other dumb gov't propaganda), she will not associate with a guy who smokes pot. My family is the opposite: one case of divorce (which was predicted from the beginning of that relationship), one case of alcoholism (great-grandfather, mother's mother's father), and ZERO substance abuse history. My family believes that as long as it doesn't take over one's life, go ahead and try it. I was raised that way (my girlfriend has even criticized my parents for not caring if I smoke pot even though I'm a grown ass man). She thinks "once a pot smoker, always a pot smoker." I've refuted that MANY times, using my parent's friends as examples mostly. If her father wasn't such a piece of garbage, I'd probably dump her for being a complete moron. But since her father fucked her over, I give her some sympathy. But this is outrageous... She won't even let me show her that pot isn't what she thinks it is. I've tried telling her that if she didn't care about pot, we would NEVER fight! (I literally mean never. The only thing we ever argue about is marijuana. We don't even argue over members of the opposite sex. Just marijuana). If she's worried about ending up with someone like her father, she's just dumb. I'm the opposite of that piece of crap. And at the end of the day, I hate lying about doing pot behind her back. I'd much rather be able to enjoy myself knowing I don't have to lie about it. I love her to pieces, but it's so shitty when she calls me a piece of shit, dirtbag, low-life, scumbag because I do marijuana. I guess I am a bit of a scumbag... had my job since I was 15 and get a scholarship from my employer (US$1500/yr), have a 2.8 GPA in college (working on improving it) majoring in Computer Science, have a car and maintain it myself, working on an app that hopefully ends up in the App Store in the next few months, I'm in EMS Club at school (to become a certified EMT), and always put her before my marijuana use. (I always make sure my money goes to everything else before I re-up my stash.) I also graduated with the highest ranking diploma given out in the state of New York. Thank you for taking the time to read this rant. It's so shitty because she's such a good person, but she's not all that great of a person when she becomes close-minded and ignorant. I'd hate to break up with her, but it might be in our future if she doesn't open the fuck up and realize I'm not the same hormone-crazed teenager I was when she met me. I'm just a chill dude who enjoys freeing his mind with some marijuana every now and then. Chime in with advice and what not. Thanks for reading
My only advice is pick one, her or marijuana. Both won't work. No matter what you say/do you're going to have to give one up. Seriously, don't tell yourself you can have both, you can't. Pick one or the other. The sooner you do this the happier you'll be.
Don't say marijuana say golf. Say you need to hit a few balls on the range the calm your stress down. If she doesn't understand then fuck her and go smoke anyway. My 2 cents
Has she ever been high? I'm not saying you should feed her a brownie without her knowing the contents or anything (bad, bad idea), but if she tried it she might understand. Not sure how you could accomplish it- maybe leverage that best friend of hers. Goodluck man.
Nice point, I've actually been thinking about this. No she has not been high, and I have a feeling if I'm good and patient she might try it. She has been referring to everything like this as "smoking." I think it's the smoking she might also be really against since she wasn't all that upset at my vaporizer, but my bong, pipe, and rolling papers she really bitched about. I also brought up edibles and she didn't get as mad. But anyway, she's a sucker for chocolate. If I can make some brownies that are potent but not too gross tasting, I think I might be able to pull off being able to have her try it at some point in the future. I've presented with PROOF how marijuana can help with all sorts of ailments. Shit, I use it medicinally for a stomach issue I have and for some other pain. She's get other lady issues that could easily be helped with marijuana. I'm giving it time, but I'm confident she'll listen
I don't even have to read your post OP, I've got some advice for you. Move on or quit smoking. Remember though, there are WAY too many beautiful, successful women out there to get hung up on just one.
Man, this thread got me thinking... Guess I better enjoy what might be my last stash It also doesn't help that it's been dark since 4:45pm here and it's cold and rainy and blah... Just want this semester to be over. Okay, back to lying down and rethinking my relationship
I think you need a new girl. Alternatively, you will try to hide your smoking from her and it will poison your relationship anyway.
Hiding smoking (whether it be bud or tobacco) is a short term option: you will be found out, and she will get even more peeved. Don't tell her you've stopped and then let her catch you, because if she is as insecure as you describe the girl, she will leave on her own. I will be honest, it's gonna either be her or cannabis. Some relationships fall apart on singular issues, and this is definitely a lifestyle choice. Fact is, I'd rather have a smoker gf than a drinker (for many reasons as I'm sure you know). There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I've been hung up on more than a couple already, but my advice is... make a choice. =/
break up with her bro...other fish in the sea who will accept you for who you are....youre in college shes not the one...
Be greatful that she cares enough about you that she doesn't want you to turn like her dad (which you won't). But yea: girlfriend or weed...Is it really worth it risking your relationship over a plant?
she doesn't drink much either. in fact, we (being me and a few of her friends) managed to get her drunk for the first time on halloween this year there is hope out there. and I know it's a choice I need to make. I'll keep doing what I've been telling myself lately: "go with the flow." It's been working, and so far I've been cutting back my marijuana use (not that I do it all that much to begin with). So like I said, I'll go with the flow for now
just put it all off on her. tell her that you love her and that you want to be with her and you want her to share your success and have your babies etc, but you arent going to stop smoking. you could even offer to cut back FOR HER. but you arent stopping bc its who you are. this way its her choice. its not like youre dumping her for weed, or dumping weed for her. make her dump you. another idea im having rt now is this. what if you picked out something that she likes, and decide that you hate it. and... oh nvm that idea sucks.
Fair enough, I won't lie that I used to be against 'pot' when I was young and stupid, I saw kids in school that I knew abused different drugs including cannabis and I lumped it in together until I tried it for the first time when I was 16. It wasn't great until I tried it the second time, and then later at college (after I had some girlfriend issues about pot, where I had tried it and when she found out she flipped out and almost told my mom, haha). Looking back on it now, I'm not the same person I used to be at all. My mind got opened in college, what can I say, haha. So maybe there is a chance, she honestly just needs to try it. That's how it is with most people, I understand. Anywayz, good luck!
I'm gonna be perfectly honest... I always told myself I would never become a "pothead" (although from experience there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I'm just too busy to really balance that lifestyle with what I've got now). At the end of the day, she's much more important that a plant. I may sound dumb, and many may not think it's true, but she's one of a kind. She's trustworthy, honest, and actually quite fun to be around (unless you bring up certain things she dislikes, then obviously it's not fun). And to answer your question: no, it is not worth risking my relationship. It seems lately like... I can't even describe it. I'm just turning in to a different person. But I feel like it's for the better. Man, I fucking hate this season. Makes me all depressed and shit. Can't wait for spring "Go with the flow."