Another depression thread....

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Tokeandontchoke, Feb 11, 2013.

  1. This is going to be long as fuck so I'm just warning you..

    Alright, so lets start from the beginning. When I was 15 I got into a shit ton of trouble, An old friend got me to rob a house with him. I really didn't want to but I guess I felt pressured. So I got like 4 felonies and 6 misdemeanors and but they later got dropped to smaller charges. Anyway, I told everyone that I felt pressured and everything but nobody believed me, not even my own parents. I felt like shit, everyone around me started to treat me like shit and I was sick of it.

    I started to getting very depressed, almost committed suicide a couple times. Bullied at school, nobody listened to a word I said, always the first to be blamed for anything that happened. Whatever, I spent so many nights with a razor wanting to slit my wrists. I struggled but got through it after 6-7 months. Music and weed probably saved my life.

    Anyway, I slipped into this feeling again. Let me try and elaborate, I feel drained. I don't have the energy to fight or try anymore, when I try my hardest I fail miserably. I'm tired.... I don't have the will to keep doing this shit anymore. Every time life knocks me on my ass I get back up and then it just hits me harder. The best way to describe it is that I feel like I'm trying to knock over a brick walk my head butting it, and even if I do get it down there's a thousand more behind it. Honestly, I would kill myself if it wouldn't hurt everyone who I care about.

    Maybe to guys saw my thread about being wrongfully suspended from school, maybe not. But that started this shit again, my parents don't even believe my part of the story. It seems like they don't even want to help me fight this bullshit, I can see in their eyes they are beyond disappointed in me and want to believe what I say, but won't. Nobody really trusts me, and I've given them a good reason too, but I've honestly changed.

    I guess I've just lost all will to keep going, god doesn't want me to win. He's putting obstacles into my life that I just can't overcome. I wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone. I'm not the person to stir shit up to try and cause shit, I try to avoid trouble and it always follows me. I wish I could just give in and be like " fine! You fucking win!" And it will go away. But no, everybody wants to drive me to insanity.

    Ever since I was little I could never picture myself as an adult, I would always get this weird feeling something bad would happen and I would die. Sometimes when I was around 10 I would literally start crying for no reason because I felt something I can't explain. Almost like I wasn't meant to live. I'm finally 18 now and I still can't see my self becoming an independent person.

    That's it guys, I feel drained, defeated, worthless, lonely, and like a piece of shit. I wish I could just fucking die in a car accident or something so I wouldn't hurt the ones I love with suicide. I know their lives would be better without me and I'm only a burden to them. I guess I just needed to vent, if you read this thanks, I appreciate it.

  2. There is no god...the only one putting obstacles in your life is yourself

    no one can make your life better except you....have faith in your future

    Things will get better, but only if you have the will to make things better. Sitting around and thinking about past mistakes, failed relationships, and self destructive behavior is pointless and will not help you.

    Everybody has moments of's up to you to get up..dust yourself off...and get back on your horse

    Watch will help you immensly

    [ame=""]Lazyboy - Inhale Positivity - YouTube[/ame]
  3. I know, but it's as if trouble follows me wherever I go. It's seriously aggravating as fuck, no matter how hard I try to steer clear of problems and shit I don't need i manage to get accused of shit I didn't do and actually get fucked over for it or someone drags me into their problems against my will.
  4. [ame=]HD - Rocky Balboa (2006) - inspirational speech - YouTube[/ame]
  5. Well (and I know people hate to hear it but it's the truth) the more negativity you focus on, the more negativity you bring into your life. Something I've found that helps is writing down every night the good things that happened, even if it's something as simple as "I have food in my stomach" writing it down, once a night, really helps your mind focus more on the positives. This is to help you with your personal struggle, not really your parents.

    There are ways to become independent, even on very little income, I always wondered how I would do it, and now if something were to happen to the stability in my life, I know I could stand on my own two feet (something I haven't ever felt confident in) and I believe this new confidence also has something to do with changing my views to more positives in life. I don't know your relationship really with your parents, but if they can't see the changed you, then it's a relationship that's a burden on your personal growth. I don't like telling people to leave their parents, but sometimes parents hinder you, I had to leave my mother for different reasons, but I had to leave for personal growth as well. It may be an option to keep in your mind now that you're 18 and almost (or now out of?) high school.

    Think positive, seriously, I know it's hard. It is very easy to get into a spiral downwards, I've been there, it's mentally challenging to remain positive in a situation like yours, but it's worth it, you will have more mental clarity and you will start feeling less overwhelmed. Try meditating as well, that will help tremendously if it's something you have an open mind to try. I hope you feel better and I hope you find the peace you need, I think removing yourself from your situation would be helpful for you to focus on healing yourself without the pressures and stresses of others.
  6. Pack a backpack, buy some good hiking shoes, a great hunting knife and go live in the wilderness for a few months give yourself a reason to live eg survival!

  7. I try and help and this is how you respond...hahaha, I like it

    Now I see why everyone is dissapointed in you and accuses you of stuff...

    sorry I should have told you to listen to this...have a good life, I wish you the worst

    [ame=""]The Bloodhound Gang Lift Your Head Up High LYRICS - YouTube[/ame]

  8. you should have used the word stupid....Ignorance means "not knowing" if i was ignorant it would be if I was acting like I didn't

    maybe trying picking up a dictonary instead of a bible sometime.....

    Sorry if I offended
  9. I'm going to tell you like I tell everyone else...I don't give a fuck about your sob story, I'm sure it is full of all of the dramatics necessary to make for quite a depressing model of teenage society, but I just can't be bothered to give a fuck about it.

    Life...Life is a bitch, it is never easy and it will never play fair. Life is just fucked like that, now, life isn't always fucked it is usually just fucked for a temporary amount of time. As humans we are expected to take on every hurdle this bitch of a life throws at us and spit three times as more shit back at her, take your fill, scream "Fuck this shit!" and steal what is yours from this life.

    Besides...If you kill yourself I send you to hell, and no one wants to go to hell.:cool:
  10. What's odd is I kind of like being depressed, it's almost like being comfortably numb. But that's the same shit herion addicts say so I suppose I isn't a good thing..
  11. Hah, you don't fuck around. Nevertheless, good advice.

  12. I understand I really do because I've been there before. Which is why I said it's hard to be happy, it's very easy to get caught in the spiral down though, it's very very easy to be sad, but once you make initiative to try and think more positive, you find comfort in yourself, which means no matter what happens to you, or who comes and goes in your life, you still have comfort and it isn't the self destructive kind. I do completely get what you're saying though, I felt the same way for a very long time, I had to change because I had a baby and he mirrors me, he learns from me, and it's not a state of mind I want him to be in and the depression just made all the other negative aspects of me (which I'm working on as well) 100 times worse. I don't know if I would have had the drive to do it without my baby honestly, because it's so much easier to dwell on negativity especially in the world around us today.
  13. Guarantee had he used the word stupid instead, an all out flame war would have started. Maturity levels here are astounding. :rolleyes:

  14. I think ignorant is the correct word. You made a statement as if you knew it was true when you really didn't. That is ignorance.

  15. Wow after reading your first paragraph I was a little disgusted by you, OP. You decided to rob a house with your friend. You didn't have to. Don't be such a weak individual and place blame on others. You fucked up. Own it. Then you can move on. No one owes it to you to coddle you. You're a thieving cunt and everybody is going to treat you like one until you take responsibility and prove that that is not you.

    However, I also have bouts with depressions and the way I look at is; there is no God, Heaven doesn't exist. You are your own worst enemy. When you die, that's it, it will be over. You don't get to see your family again. No albino wizard to usher you into the pearly gates. All that matters is today. You can't change yesterday. You have to make your own way. Nobody is going to give it to you. Anything you did or did not do in high school probably doesn't matter. All that matters is what you're going to do today.
  16. You're most likely caught up in some BS you can fix with the parents. I'm sure there disappointed but explain that you've learned from your past and the accusations are lies and explain how. But if you really did fuck up twice, man up take responsibility and be honest.

  17. I don't want to argue with you about your intelligence or lack there used the word wrong..simple as that

    you made yourself look dumb... using a word that didn't fit with the idea you were trying to potray

    it's ok though...I used to use the word wrong too

    I can also tell how "articulate" you are based on you needing to use profanity to try and insult me

    like I said before, Sorry if I offended you...its just that your sentance didn't qute work with the words you were using

    Now show me any proof that there is actually a god...if you have the evidence than you can definetly call me ignorant, because then it would show that I didn't know what I was talking about.

  18. If you believe that lack of evidence for something's existence is analogous to evidence that something doesn't exist then you are ignorant. You are ignorant because you hold to be true that which is unproven.
  19. #20 weedhead420, Feb 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2013

    Well put...unfortunately you are forgetting that there is evidence saying god doesn’t exist

    Years and years of evidence saying god doesn’t exist

    If we went by your logic than you could say that people who don't believe in unicorns, Leprechauns, and ghosts are ignorant

    Do you believe in Bigfoot? Probably not, so you must be ignorant because there is no definite answer saying that Bigfoot does not exist

    It's called common-sense

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