I often stand alone, near a park. A park that has picnic table. Yeah, and tennis courts. I stand alone and I ask myself.... Why am I not high? Then I remembered that our corrupt system of corporate greed had struck again. There was a serious weed shortage. I couldn't get any. I found out that it was in short supply and the price had drastically gone up. What happened was there was speculation that the weather in Mexico would damage the crops. Consequently there was a shortage. It got to be ridiculous. People would walk into the store and instead of weed costing $2.35 a bag the price had jumped up to $4.73! That's um... some number of cents, like 63, or something like that. Multiply that 63 cents or whatever number it was. You'll see that you could have bought a lot of weed with that price difference. Congress was arguing about the solution to the problem. I got tired of waiting for all of these clueless politicians controlling everything. So I...... Decided to run for office. I would like to share my plans with you all. So I can show you all what I will do as president. To solve the rise in price on weed I will dedicate more land to growing weed. We should take the land from Montana, because nobody sane lives there. And we will increase our yield of American Marijuana and lessen our dependance on foreign pot. This way what you pay for one bag will pay for two. Two bags of weed for your money. And you can spend the rest on the following concept in this idea.... Legalizing marijuana would have many benefits, most of all by boosting our economy. Yes, growing weed will provide new jobs for our people. Fast food and convenience stores will be top employers. And anyone who knows where the best deal on Cheetos is will always have a loving home. It will also change the way we teach and learn. Colleges will have hotbox classes, that will revolutionize our country and astound the world. In hotbox math class, doing shit that doesn't make any sense that you probably won't ever use in life let alone next week will finally be tolerable, or fun. I do think that the people who invented math were pretty fucked up. I will not let the corporations control our weed. We will give subsidies to American weed farmers. But still allow weed from other parts of the world, much like wine. We can enjoy imported weed. Like this weed from China MMmmmmmm...... Taste like arsenic or horseradish, no actually that's paint thinner. Smoked out of the finest quality artisan bong. Mmmmm.... Mississippi Moonlight Marijuana. Thank you spellcheck! I could have never done it without you! I spelled Mississpi. So please, vote for me.... So I can lead our country back to glory! BTW, my next album was delayed. It won't come out until 4 and a half weeks later rather than just 4 weeks. I still recommend that you guys buy it. It's a great album. If you buy it and elect me then I'll sign them for you. For free!
Wow. I was REALLYYYYY baked when I wrote that. Still makes sense to me. It's a big joke, it's satire. Read carefully and think about the current political situation. Wait... I don't think anyone here is able to think straight most of the time.