First off I know this is a fucking essay and im sorry. If you dont care to read thats cool, but id like you to save the didnt read memes and gifs if you could be so kind. A big problem for me is girls. I look back on my life and I have never had a serious girlfriend. Its not a big deal and idk if I even wanna gf. But i fucking hate this dry spell. I havent been laid in over 2 years. Mostly due to me moving around so much in the military, but I am sick of this dry spell. But thats the thing. I have never really just fucked or even hooked up with a girl as a one night stand type of deal. The only girl i have done anything with was my first love. We met at the beach at 15 and although we lived hours away, we made sure to see each other over the years. But times changed and she started dating guys near her. And although I was technically single for awhile, I was subconsciously waiting for her. Even if I was kind of talking to a girl I never really pursued it too hard. or if I did it wouldnt work out and id fall back to my first love. And it was tough not to. even though she had a serious boyfriend she would still visit me and fuck me. Well as time went on she was single again and I thought that now that I was in the military and making money we could somehow make it work. But she didnt want that. She said she didnt wanna put her life on hold at such a young age. And although she cared about me it couldnt work. and then she started dating someone else while still keeping me reeled in and flirting with me and sending me nudes on the side. I eventually told her that we just need to be friends because there is too much confusion with what we have, and she agreed. so we tried to be friends. but everytime id see a facebook picture of her and her shitty bf or talk to her on skype and start to think about how shes fucking someone else it made me sad and angry. so i said i needed to cut of contact with her. i needed to figure out who i was without her in my life. because although we werent together, my feelings for her were too strong for me to move on without cutting of contact. So I didnt talk to her for months. and the whole time I said "im just gonna have fun and not think about girls." but that didnt work. my need for pussy kept me thinking and looking. But i was too...idk...depressed to really persue it. The last date I was on was with a civilian girl who worked at subway off base when i was in tech school. being on a military base isnt the best place to find a girl. every cute girl in the military has 20 dudes chasing her at once, so she has a big selection. And i wasnt trying to be one of those guys who was gonna follow a girl around like a lost puppy. But I had limited access to the civilian world. I had no car and other than the few times me and my buddy would go off base I rarely leave. If we were ever chillin off base hed point out a girl who he said was checking me out. but i never really wanted to approach them. I did try asking this girl for her number (cuz my friend said she was checking me out hard) and she said she had a boyfriend. I stopped trying. I knew I would be going home on vacation soon for 20 days so even if i did get a number, not being able to see said girl for almost a month would make her lose interest fast. So I stopped trying. needless to say I went home. And I had a great time. We went to the beach and had a bunch of girls over at our beach house. I told this story already. but there was a hoe who was talkin to me a lot and seemed flirty. but my friend ended up making the move to hook up with her. Thats when I came to a realization...I dont think i have what it takes to be a one night stand kind of guy. Im too nice. I have only been with one girl and i had serious feelings for her. I couldnt even pull the sluttiest girl at the party...wtf is wrong with me. Its not that girls dont find me appealing. I have actually been more popular with the girls recently. I have been asked to chill with 3 different girls on base. but none of them really seemed interested in anything more than a friendship. or maybe i just suck at making moves. Ive even had a married chick hit on me. and when I was back home it seemed like a lot more girls wanted to hang out with me and thought i was fun and charming. I can socialize with these girls and carry a convo and such...so why am i high and dry? Like I said..having a gf doesnt matter to me. im 20 years old. but my lack of pussy makes me wonder if somethings wrong with me. I get told that girls check me out, and i even sometimes notice it myself. but yet i have had nothing for awhile. Can somebody please help me out? summary:I have mentally fucked myself and have anxiety about getting pussy. It hasnt happened for the longest time and its def cuz of me. im too nice. but the thing is I feel like im actually quite charming to girls. i just dont know how to close to the deal and it haunts me. its like lebron not winning that first ring.