An Apology to all the Stoners I've Dissed

Wanted to post this somewhere to see if any parts of the story resonate with others, as I truly feel alone in my brand of weed use.

I'm 65 yrs., old and never tried weed until it was legalized in Canada in 2018. Even then it took me 3 more years to try it—and that was out of desperation. I have been a chronic insomniac since I was born. As a toddler, my parents used to tie the front and back doors shut on the inside at night because they were scared I was sleepwalking and would wander outside in the dead of winter. But I wasn't sleepwalking; I just couldn't fall asleep. I spent my life like this, and it likely contributed to two heart attacks, diabetes, over consumption of alcohol, and overall poor quality of life. My wife and I have not slept in the same room together for 29 of 30 years of marriage because to do so would wake her up every 20 mins or so with my pacing.

I first tried weed in 2020 I think. I went with sublingual drops. I had no one to guide me. I knew no one who used weed, and would have been too embarrassed to ask even if I did. I didn't know there were forums for weed use and didn't think to look. The girl at the store told me to go low and slow, as they say. I did, but every hour or so when nothing happened I added a little more. My wife knew I was going to try, but not on this specific day. Even after 8 hours I felt nothing.

But I am a big guy and need lots to even feel the effects of booze, so I assumed weed was the same. By the time I quit in frustration I had been consuming for over 10 hrs. Then I attempted to go to bed. Knowing what I know now I estimate I consumed well over 150mg of THC. Around 1 AM everything hit me. I now know this was a greenout, but at the time it just scared me terribly. I became uber paranoid, yet somehow my brain could still tell me it was just the weed, and so I pushed through. I really needed a friend to sit next to me but I would never tell my wife, am a loner to begin with, and I wasn't stable enough to find the door and walk down the hall to her room for help anyways. Eventually the anxiety drifted away and I fell asleep. The next morning I awoke at 10 AM. My wife had left earlier, and the dog was licking me. I had never, ever, slept more than 2 hrs. in my life and always started my day by 6 AM.

I had never felt so good. Plus there was no hangover. This to me was amazing. I actually teared up a bit because I now knew what it was like to be a normal person and felt if I could just figure out dosage I would be golden. Over the next year or so I experimented several times a week with drops, edibles, vapes and I even tried shatter (Fail BTW: I just burned my lips on sticky resin LOL). Other than a few smokes in high school, I never smoked tobacco either.

Here's what I learned:

I finally settled on softgels, which are really just oil in a gelatin capsule. Edibles are great too, but with a price tag of more than double the oil itself, that's expensive. Pure oil is the cheapest; however, softgels are easy to consume. The problem for me is that my metabolism is such that it can take hours to feel the effects, and that defeats the purpose. Additionally, I find oil wipes me out until at least noon the next day, which isn't ideal either. What I discovered was that vaping is perfect; almost no smell, kicks in in seconds or minutes, and lasts only 3 hrs. or so.

I talked to my doctor, who was pretty chill about what I told him. I've had some lung issues as well so I told him I was apprehensive about vaping. No doctor is going to tell you vape is safe. But my doc knows the extent of my insomnia, has tried me on almost every med possible including benzos, and knows I have attended multiple sleep schools across the country in my life time. To bridge me for the three or so hours until the softgels kick in, I vape 6-8 draws a night at the same time. About the time the vape tapers off the soft gels begin to kick in (although sometimes it takes another 6-8 draws to get me to the point where everything makes me relax enough to sleep). Not sure my doc would be as chill if he knew I was vaping 12 draws per night. Probably not.

Having said all this I am as happy as I can expect to be considering all my medical issues. I know full well this will likely do me in faster, but, well...how can I say this without sounding melodramatic: I just don't care. I know my other issues have decreased my lifespan significantly already. I have suffered depression and anxiety my entire life. I doubt anyone can go 65 years without proper sleep and NOT have serious issues. But I have for the first time in my life a few hours of tranquility every night now, and having worked 35 yrs in a high stressed job and set my wife and three kids up with a nice life, homes, etc., I think I am entitled to rest and relax in what I expect will be (at best) 10 more years.

I'm not advocating this is a good path for anyone else. This post is more of an apology to all the weed users I have dissed and passed judgement on without any first hand experience. For me weed turned a miserable life into what I think are a few final years of at least some peace, contentment and sleep. I'm glad I never did this as a young man as I think I may have been so enamored with it I would have never made it out of high school, university, graduate school, or into a senior position in a large company. For this I actually thank the Canadian Government for putting age limits and some rules around it, although I think these rules now need a review.

As an older guy, I still feel the stigma that used to be associated with weed for those of us (like myself) who were too tightly wrapped to open ourselves to a new experience. If it's not for you, fine. But for me the risks associated with vaping (unknown as they may be) are not enough to outweigh the benefits I am experiencing now in my last years of life. For that I am thankful.

Thanks for reading.

 

Thanks.

 

Thank you for your comments.

 

. Thanks

 

That is very kind of you. I used to have a grow tent in my garage, but for hot peppers. I had to remove it b/c the mold growth inside the garage was out of hand. But I totally appreciate people who do this themselves—great hobby indeed. Now if they cultivate a soft gel strain...I'm in LOL. Thanks.