So I've been with my girlfriend for a few months now, and it's not like I'm seriously contemplating any sort of symbolic commitment such as marriage or anything like that, but I was just wondering if I was the only one who thinks like this; OK, I was a virgin when we started going out, but am no longer. She, however, had two prior sexual escapades. To me, this creates an inequality in the relationship, seeing as she can compare to past experiences whereas I cannot. In the short term, it makes no difference at all. But, in my mind, marriage or any lifetime commitment is ruled out because of this. In a perfect world, if we broke up for a day and I had sex with another girl on that day, then went back out the next day, I would be more than happy to spend the rest of my life with her, hypothetically. That's not what I'm worried about though. It's just that because I think like this, it's almost like our future together is pretty much an impossibility, and that makes it hard for me to imagine us together for as long as I'd like to, which is definitely a long time because I really love her. I'd like to be mature and overlook this. I know it's petty and I'm shallow for thinking like this, but I'd like to know if anyone else is in a situation like this and manages not to care? Obviously I can't talk to her about this without creating any unneccessary friction (unless of course I was actually planning to marry her or something), which is why I came here. Help is appreciated. Discuss.
I'm in the exact same boat. It's not that I don't love the shit out of my girl...I just feel like I should have experienced more before I got into a deeply commited relationship. No idea what to do though.
join the club. thats pretty much the way ive been feeling for the past 2-3 years with my girlfriend. I love her with all my heart, i really do. but part of me wants to know what i missed when i made her my only gf at the age of 15. maybe the 3 of us can crunch heads and come up with something.
How old are you guys. Cos if it's a second under 19 then I don't think you got anything to worry about. You're not gonna be going out with that girl a year down the line. It's almost 100 pecent likely.
ok 1. NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS!!! this will only make you crazy. 2. IF SHE THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER THAN YOU, SHE WOULD BE WITH THEM!! ok, so that ones pretty straight forward 3. BRAKING UP WITH HER AND HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE JUST FOR THE PURPOSE OF EVENNESS= NOT GOOD! this will make HUGE trust issues arrise. she would constantly have too judge herself and you on the lovemaking and looking/thinking about other women. and she'll probly start resenting you and the relationship and teh time spent on it. 4. dont worry, if she loves you, the love/sex thing is AMAZING!!! i had sex while not in a relationship, it was great, but the whole "spiritual/mental" connection thing makes the sex SSSOOOSOSOSOSOSOSSOSOOO much better than anything you can experience out of a relation ship. if she actually loves you, the xes is already better. last 3 lines of 5 could be dangerous. but shit happens man. 5. chill, dont worry, everyone has these same thoughts when in a relationship. eventually you'll overlook the fact that she had sex with other men before you. if she matters, then the prior situations most likely wont. just wait it out, and if the feelings dont go away,,,talk too her, work it out, tell her how you feel. yeah friction will happen. but if its meant too be, its meant too be. hope i helped out yer thought process man,,,and good luck. keep yer head in the game, and hopefully shit will work out.
thanks littlesblue, i'm pretty sure that's just what i needed to hear. thanks man @exar - there's not even any possible contemplation of marriage at the moment, it's just the feeling of inevitability of a possibly failed relationship that sucks. would you marry a porn star if you were a virgin? ps yeah boii that's me, copy and pasted who are you over there? they're dogcunts but. you can't discuss anything without getting torn apart. i knew i shouldn't have mentioned girls on a nerd forum.
Meh, I got banned over there for being a "rebel" against the little nerdy kids. You might know me by the legendary name "Unknown" ask some senior members, they'll know who you're talking about. But on the real note, if I was in your posistion, if she banged me, it wouldn't matter.
dude don't worry about it. like blue said if she wanted to be with them, she would. and look at it this way: she had sex with them before she had sex with you. having sex with you has nothing to do with them. all that you're gonna do if you break up with her to have sex with someone else to make it more 'fair' is break her heart. and that's NOT fair. and you'll probably make her feel like a whore.
Just let it ride, don't think too hard. I used to, if it gets stale you can recomend taking a break for a little while. Then you go fuck around, and you will figure out if you even miss the old one. Then make a decision.
I'm in the same boat, and I have a possible answer for you. I had sex with one girl before my current girlfriend. We've been together for nearly 6 months, and I love her more then anything else I've ever loved. She makes me feel like a man, she gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. I want to marry her. I also am dissapointed that I will only have slept with one (not that attractive) girl besides her for the rest of my life. I would love to go out and have sex with other girls. But I won't. Why? Because she's worth it for me. No matter how many women you sleep with, you'll always wish you had slept with more when you finally meet "the one." That's the same for just about every guy. What makes you a good partner is by loving your woman and being faithful to her. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, do what you want. If you decide that you want to go fuck some other girl and go through with it, obviously the love connection isn't that strong if your willing sacrafice your relationship. You'll know you've found the one when that hot girl at the bar that's interested in you want's to show you her room, but you can say with a smile, "I don't think my girlfriend would like that." Besides being a relationship counselor I'm also a divorce attorney if things go sour. You can grab my card at the door
im in the same boat oly one escapade we've been together since 13 im 19 now, i don't even know what to do
Sex is over rated.. I'm only 18 and I've slept with more girls than I care to mention... and some I should have never even considered sleeping with.... anyways, sex is relatively easy to find and yes, you shoud experience it as much as you can... but not at the expense of a relationship.... good, lasting relationships are harder to come by then pussy... plus there's no way you know that break up will last one day, if she finds out about the other girl... you're cooked so in the end you have to weigh it out... is the relationship worth risking for sex, and, is it worth risking your constant supply of sex for a supply that you have to continually find? P.S. There is no way to do what you're saying in an mature way, because what you're thinking is immature... sorry if it sounds rough, but that's just how it is
Kinda sounds like one of my friends. He's been with his girlfriend since last December and wants to be with her for a very long time, but they've been "broken up" for about a month and he's been checking out other girls, especially since he just recently started college and she's a senior in high school so there's a lot more girls for him to check out. He knows he wants to be with her, but the thought of only fucking her for the rest of his life creeps him out. It's understandable, but pretty unfair to her at the same time.