Am I overreacting?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Shinigami321, Aug 18, 2019.

  1. Heres the situation:

    My partner/fiancée didn’t invite me out to their moms birthday, prior to the celebration I hinted my interest by asking who’s going. He replied that it was just the four of them (family only), I respected the answer and didn’t want to assert myself in their outing. The next day I find out the brothers girlfriend tag along and unexpectedly, my partners guy besties too.... okay? So, I’m sure that it’s all last minute plans but he couldn’t piece the situation together and politely ask if I wanted to come along? Even if I was busy, I’m always the first to ask him out to my family gatherings, etc.

    Anyway, when I found out, I just told him I was upset and I needed some space for a week. Reason being, its frustrating knowing he won’t apologize or he’ll give me that “oh well I didn’t know they would come, so it’s not my fault” type of apology. Quite frankly, this isn’t the first time he was inconsiderate and i have mentioned that we need to communicate better but I don’t want nag him again. Am I crazy for being this upset?
     
  2. I'd be upset too especially if there is a pattern there. If it was a one off I'd still be upset but would give the other the benefit of the doubt.
     
  3. What do ya look like? Is he embarrassed of ya? Or do ya get to fucked up n make a fool of yourself? I’d feel bad too make ya question ur self eventually.
     
  4. Well this part should give you your answer.
    If he didn't know, he didn't know.
    What would be the alternative scenario here "Oh hey...can you guys leave because you weren't meant to be here?" It's something that's the parents choice to act on or not.

    It kind of seems like you think that he may have been aware of the situation in advance?
    I mean his guy besties did turn up...this does seem like an odd situation if he hadn't invited them.

    Here is a few questions...and be honest or it'll do you no good.
    Do his parents/family not like you?
    Had you been having any/a lot of problems or arguments with your partner prior to this occasion...could it have been he needed some time away?
    Have you had any altercations with any of the other attendees that have "known the family" longer than you have?
    These are all things to consider as to why he MAY not have wanted to take you into that situation...and often if there's drama it's not only to make things go easier, but to spare both yourself and them from having to be part of an awkward situation.
    Problems with parents and family can often cause friction in a relationship. Nobody wants to choose anybody over anybody else.

    I'm not about to say you're over-reacting...just that there might be some unrelated issues that you're either aware of, or you aren't. Think on things.

    Or...hey....could be that he was just the only one that actually respected that they wanted it to be a small/limited gathering and all of his other siblings etc fucked it up...and he didn't want to any further fuck the situation and add to it.

    If you say you want to communicate better, communicate better. Ask why.
     
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  5. I think it’s kind of hypocritical to want better communication in the relationship, but not tell him you wanted to go with him to his moms birthday.

    A lot of us dudes just don’t pick up on hints like women do, communication is a two way street.
     
  6. I will throw in here again...just to say...if what you're aiming for in your week off is to try and prompt some kind of apology for something he doesn't feel like he's responsible for...it's not going to end the way you want it to and will just end up with further complications and awkwardness between the two of you.
    I'd suggest having the talk you need to have.
    I know. I have also seen many incidents where a partner has felt slighted in some way to do with family/friends of the partner...and they kind of imply that the partner can make it right by "saying something about it"...as in delivering the message for them...can I just suggest you don't have that expectation?
    Because that puts them between pissing you or their family off. Not cool.
    Honestly? He might think it was complete bullshit...but would rather it just be left done and done rather than introducing more drama to the situation.
    Just have a talk.
     
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  7. Thank you for your logical response, I will keep those words in mind. My partner, & his family and I don’t have any conflict what so ever. I’m just honestly upset at how dense my partner can be. I want the week off because I feel like his parent and not his partner.
     
  8. I just consider possibilities...without knowing either of you and just going on what you're saying it's difficult to get an overall picture.
    Tell me though, what kind of things makes you feel as though he's dense?
    I'm getting from what you're posting that there may be more you haven't mentioned about why you're unhappy with this person...are you sure this event wasn't kind of on top of the cumulative effect of other stuff?
     
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  9. I'd be upfront and say you were bummed and why. Ask him why he didn't include you directly. Let him know you like his family and want to be included next time. Maybe you shouldn't assume what his response is always going to be. That's never good.
     
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  10. Sometimes those closest to you..know you better than yourself

    as this is a family concern I'd leave it at that

    How you and Him fit into this family seems to be the question

    suggesting that it may be nothing to do with you

    but with a mean family member he's sheltering you from

    good luck
     
  11. I can understand being upset but I would consider you as overreacting a bit. Put me in his shoes, if I was told you needed space for a week over my moms bday I would take that as a free week to do as I please. At the end of the week I would sit back and think about if this is how I want to continue my life, the potential threat of more "weeks off" if you become upset for whatever reason. The answer may very well be no and move on to someone more fitting. I for one dont play those game. I can't control what my sibling do. Maybe the plans were to not bring significant others but the rest of the family decided to change without notifying him. Wouldnt be the first time my sibling changed plans. If it was just him being inconsiderate then you said it yourself....he's been inconsiderate before. Since talking about it didnt do anything you'll have except that or move on to a more considerate person. Nobody on earth is completly considerate 100% of the time...not even you
     
  12. His friends somehow showed up but not you? That tells me that he rather surround himself with them than have you by his side.
    If it looks like a duck.....


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  13. I noticed you put the words 'PARTNER' So I am assuming you are homosexual. In that case maybe his parents are ignorant/uncomfortable with seeing seeing their son with another man. Luckily my dad was the type of guy "Merry anyone you want and I will love you all the same"
     
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  14. I might be a sexist/misogynist or some such for saying this, but to be honest when I heard "I need space for a week", I assumed that was a chick move.
     
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  15. Well if he is homosexual that could be the case that he thinks like a chick.
     
  16. I don't understand why this is such a big deal; somebody should be able to go out with their family and experience them, regardless of the company.

    Often, what tends to happen is that Abusers try to either always be present or try to isolate the person they are around. Immediately, you come off as an Abuser, somebody who is trying to control the narrative or be aware of the narrative. You might consider yourself family, but in the same vein, if my sister and my mom go for coffee, am I going to get all pissed off because, as family, I was not invited? No. You are not entitled to be around anyone, regardless of the title you possess, whether it be Partner, Fiancee, Family, Grand Pooba, High Maestro, whatever you want to call yourself, it changes nothing.
     
  17. I like to call myself a weaponized cyborg unicorn
     
  18. And I respect your identity mr. Cyborg.
     
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