Am I in the wrong here?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Omega369, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. Here’s the details:

    I texted my girlfriend earlier that day and asked how her day was going, she responded “crazy”

    Later that day was seeing what she was up to and she said she was at the dog park, and I replied that it sounds fun.

    My girlfriend called me while she was driving home and said “hey want to go for drinks?”. I had just got home from work exhausted, and wanted to nap so I said “nope I’m just about to nap”

    Fast forward later in the evening when I woke up, I sent a text seeing how her night was going and she told me to leave her alone and that I let her down. I called to see what’s up and apparently something huge happened at her job, one of the biggest top 3 most good things that’s ever happened and she wanted to tell me in person, hence the drinks.

    I told her had I known it was something important, I would have forced myself to go out and make time for her. She didn’t take kindly to that and said I’m blaming her, and that I should have known it was something important because she called and she usually texts.

    I told her my logic, I said “I assumed you were calling me because you were driving, I didn’t think anything different of it. Had you told me it was something important you want to talk about I would have cut out my nap and made time for you.”

    She still didn’t get it and kept saying I keep putting them blame on her when it’s actually my fault and I really let her down as a boyfriend.

    I feel like she’s arguing based on emotion, where I’m replying based on logic. Im almost positive I’m right, but she always thinks she’s right, so maybe I’m the wrong one? Is this normal in relationships? Ive never really had a girlfriend, just fuck buddies. Even though I’m 28 it’s all pretty new to me.
     
  2. Emotion and logic conflict with each other.

    Classic misunderstanding try work past it being considerate to her emotion regarding what happened for her and use the same reasoning you used in the post (sugar coated) to explain it.

    Best advice I can offer.
     
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  3. Dude, trust me. You were wrong. Even if you are right, you are wrong. I'm telling ya. If she says the sky is green, and you say no, it's blue, you are wrong and always will be wrong in her eyes. They have a tendency to be cryptic with shit. Expecting you to be able to read between the lines and know their code. Yet make an assumption or read it the wrong way, your wrong. It's just the way it is. Hope she comes around and welcome to the I'm not a fucking mind reader club.
     
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  4. This.
     
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  5. She sounds like a bitch. She should have explained she wants to go out for drinks because something amazing happened.
     
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  6. I think it came down to bad communication on both sides, at the point while driving home from work when you said no to going. There should have been some follow up questions on both sides to get each others needs met.
    This is the way I like to do it boss you pay all the Bills and find a woman who appreciates that shit, then you dont get no back talking. Lol
     
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  7. Absolutely!!!

    Sent from my SM-J727P using Tapatalk
     
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  8. Lack of communication and setting expectations on people = this lol
     
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  9. Draaaammaaaaa

    I wouldn't put up with any of that behavior but that's just me.
     
  10. Apologize and explain. Tell her you’re new at this but want to have a wonderful relationship. They love that shit (I’m a chick trust me).
    Ask if in the future you can avoid these communication snaffus.
    She was wrong imo
     
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  11. Not only did you let her down as her boyfriend but you let me down as the reader of this post.
     
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  12. Sorry you're going through hard times man. Me and you go way back on here.
     
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  13. Nah..
    It's just a shit test and that's how you fail one..

    You should have flipped it into "you should have come taken a nap with me" or "I'm sorry you didn't get your point across well enough"..
    Leave it a that and then drop it..

    Don't go apologizing and explaining yourself because then you will show that you are beta and she will lose interest in you..
     
  14. We're huge pains in the ass. You either need to ride it out or call her out. :D

    I mean some guys can actually be assholes but you wanting to sleep without knowing the details of her day, isn't you being an asshole. You actually seem cute, you sleep while she gets drinks. Based on that I would guess a more solid relationship between you two but facts can be deceiving! :D

    Advice: The closest men in my life have all discussed the best way to handle me getting mad at them when I pull the same crap as your gf. (yep, it's an actual girl trait, not unique). My guys use logic and comical chiding, and I come around eventually! Since the emotional me has zero defense against logic...all I can do it laugh at myself and apologize again, again, and again. The less emotional response you have to her the better.

    Side thought. We do this to males and females. My husband's god-mother tells me to "stop being a bitch" and then makes me a coffee and gives me kisses! I always try to get her high but so far she's declined. One day, if I change my ways, maybe she'll reward me by getting to get high with her! <-- Ohhhh...offer your girlfriend incentives! What is that classical conditioning?! This probably goes without saying but your incentives should probably be a bit sexier than getting an old lady high...but you get the idea. :D
     
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  15. Dump her. Find a chick that doesn’t want to play games and blame fault. I’ve been married a long time, trust me, that chick is a future ex wife for many guys.
     
  16. Sounds real petty, and selfish of her, if you ask me. You need to handle it before she becomes a permaprincess
     
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  17. #17 CAPITAL CROOK, Jul 2, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2019
    This x100000%... If she does not get it from you, she will get it from somewhere else and then she will make you feel bad that she didn't get it from you, fucking literally.


    This is an alarming question to ask, because it says that things are changing in your relationship and not for the better.

    I am gonna do some magic psychic shit here and say that progressively, her TESTING you like this, because that is what this is, a test, has become more and more common. You have to understand, that women have a very open mind about men and so when they see a man other than you, do some shit that she thinks is super cool, she is going to come back to you and say "Hey, can you do this, because so and so can." and when she does this, she is looking for a response of FEAR from you, because if she senses FEAR, then she will feel that she is out of your league and she will begin to look down upon you.

    As the presence of other men in her life continue and even ramp up, the way she tests you will as well. She will start comparing your social circle against other dudes, start comparing finance, the whole deal and she will continue to do this until either A) The other man just supercedes you which is common if the comparisons she is making are unfavorable B) The other dudes stop being present in her life, which is incredibly unlikely C) You completely fold to her demands, which is the position you are basically in now, which will only lead to even more vigorous testing on her part.... Or, the power move, D) You walk away.

    Ultimately, your girlfriend wants you to stand up to her, while retaining a level of comfort and because you have not been doing that, she is now testing you to see how much she can get away with and this is a really compromising position to be in as a dude and a really powerful position for her to be in and now that she has found this position, her search for it will be unending, even if you manage to get her back into that good space in the beginning, she will continue to search for that position over you. This situation now that you are in, is complex because maybe you compromised her comfort by not being there for her, or maybe this whole thing is just bullshit and she needs attention, but if you compromised her comfort, that is extremely hard to walk back.



    Really and truly though brother, the tests never end... This is why beating your wife was so common back in the day, because men could not operate on the same level as women socially and so rather than having a conversation, ima just punch you in the head and your wrong, end of story. Now, the tables have turned... Now, these women have no fear and literally abuse us as men, socially and psychologically, the same way we used to abuse them, physically.

    But yeah bro, sorry for the long posts, but the tests never end and will only increase in intensity as more men are present in her life... You do not have to PASS her tests, but simply respond without fear and if you absolutely have to, double down on your lack of fear by walking away and showing her that "You are so valuable that you can just get another".

    The walking away part might be a lil' too advanced for you right now man, but I just wanted to kind of break the test thing down for you, so you understand how perfectly normal this fucking insanity is.
     
  18. @Omega369

    filling my teen hood with laughter, and now teaching me about relation ships

    nice to see you back around:wave:
     
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  19. T
    Teen hood? You talkin' about a foreskin?
     
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