Not sure how to describe this. Maybe is because I've be consoling others. I've been wanting to talk to someone about it, but haven't known sure how to put it into spoken words. I found out my grandmother died on monday morning. I've spent that time making sure my dad is alright. Keeping my mom calm, and my brother just pushed it off not wanting to talk to me about it. I was close her. She was my last grandparent. The last rock of this already fractured family. I didn't cry when my grandfather died about 4 years ago, and I haven't cried over her death yet. I feel guilty about this. I feel like I should have at the funeral today. I want to think it's because I'm strong, but I know I'm not. I don't know what to think about it. Is this normal, not to cry, but to take solace that she isn't in pain anymore? That she can finally rest and if there is a god that she is with her husband again at last?
It's really normal not to cry when someone you love dies. In fact, most people cry just because they "feel the need to" when they aren't ready for the emotions to pour out. Honestly, I think you might be in shock still. I never cry at funerals or when a loved one passes away. People might think i'm arrogant, but honestly why fake it if you really don't need to? Anyways, hang in there bro. Wherever she is, she is resting in peace.
my grandmother died several years ago and I never cried. She had a stroke several years before her death and her life after that was not really a life, she was very brain damaged and eventually had to have a leg amputated. I live in my grandparents' house so I witnessed her decline daily, it was very painful to watch. Her death was a long time coming and may have been a blessing. In retrospective I probably had already prepared myself for her death before the fact. Going through the same thing now with my 85 year old grandfather. The decline into dotage of a once powerful individual who was once a force to reckoned with is a sad thing to watch. With elderly relatives its a bit different because you can see death a way's off and can prepare for it.
Thank you guys for taking the time to relate and explain your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Death is something I haven't been confronted with in a real way before my grandfather passed. I think I'm still learning how to take it. I'm gonna go out a step further here though. I felt this today, and at at my grandfathers. I understand giving your last respects, and how that can help bring closure. I didn't feel ill towards it. Part of me though was unsure about how to feel about the service. The spread was beautiful and I felt that honored her. At the same time though, she was bitter in her last few years and didn't want a service, or viewing. Nor did she want the flowers, and they didn't honor her wishes. The entire thing in a way felt disrespectful. I really do't know how to describe it, disrespectful is the only word I can find. It also, how I feel in general about funerals, came as being morbid. As though it's primal, but still goes against nature. I don't know how to feel about it, or if I just might be over thinking it.