I know I don't post much, but lurk often... Shit had been getting crazy. My grandpa, only one left, who basically took care of me as a kid when my parents were working. He's been a huge part of my life for over 25 years, taking me to the park and school when I was younger, etc. All the things grandparents do. Out of all his 20+ grandson I think I was one his favorites. Always taking care of em and hanging out with em..he had brain surgery an they removed pieces after a few strokes..the hospital didn't realize until too late and they had emergency surgery..right now he's stable but the prognosis doran look good.. Doctor said he is doing better than expect and theres hope..always hoping... I just feel so shitty for wante to sneak away and toke..I just needed a crutch at te moment..and here I am wanting to just drink and smoke...I just feel so selfish and shitty..I just can't deal with all the family, so I'll sneak away cry and just toke...I guess it my coping mechanism...fuck I can't even talk to my family..only two of my cousins who toke and drink and a few friends.. Just venting blades, sorry if it's too long. Here at the hospital just waiting...pretty much been here since Friday night.. Tl;dr: I punched a bear in the neck and felt super bad...
69th post for you haha, dude dont feel guilty for going to have a toke. If its going to make you feel better, giver. everyone deals with things in their own ways. that bear is going to hunt you down and slice you up
Don't feel guilty at all, mang. We all cope in different ways. I had a similar experience when my grandmother, with whom I was very close to, passed. Thoughts and prayers that everything turns out for the best. Try and keep your chin up. And the bear deserved it, so I wouldn't sweat it too much.
From what you've said here, you haven't done anything that you should feel guilty about. Needing some time to yourself in a situation like this is completely normal, even if you need to smoke or have a few drinks to take the edge off. If your family asks about it, just let them know that you needed to spend some time alone because you're having a hard time with this. Best wishes to your grandpa, dude. And to you and your family too.
I know from experience that it can be especially hard when you're trying to be the strong one. Which, from you mentioning sneaking away to cry, sounds like the case. That's how I was when my grandma passed away. All of my family was so distraught, especially my mom. And me being her oldest kid, I felt the need to try to be strong for everyone. To try to offer comfort and take care of as many things as I could, plans for the funeral and such. Which left me little time for myself, to confront my own feelings about the matter. So I did like you're doing, sometimes I just had to get away. Go smoke a bowl, have some drinks, whatever, just be by myself for a while where I could actually confront what I was feeling instead of trying to push it to the back of my mind. So yeah... you're not doing a damn thing wrong, man. What you're doing is healthy and damned necessary in a situation like this. I'd be more worried if you weren't taking some time for yourself.
Op you did nothing wrong by sneaking off to tranq yourself so you could deal with the issue. bet your ass that other members grabbed a drink or two to 'relax' and deal with things...
Pretty much..after the surgeon told us the news everyone was crying or dealing with it..I just told everyone I needed to take a walk and just let it all come out. Been taking breaks just to let it all come out and think shit through..I even bought his favorite alcohol and took a few drinks just for him cause the last few weeks he's been bugging me to have a drink with him, yet he was on coumadin so he can't really drink. Fuck man..
And taking a walk is your own way of dealing with it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's good to take some time alone and let yourself experience all the shitty things you're feeling right now. It's hard for some of us to grieve in the presence of other people. Just keep your head up and try not to give up hope just yet. When my grandma was in the hospital, we were told several nights in a row that she wouldn't make it through the night. She did. Even left the hospital and lived a few more months after that. Not that I want to get your hopes too high either, because you should be prepared for whatever possibility, but I guess all I'm saying is... don't give up just yet.
Fuck...forgot to add this..I guess before the ambulance was taking him he kept calling for me but I wasn't home..I rushed home and saw the ambulance take em...at least I got to talk to em on saturday...fuck all things I shoulda said.. I know I'm stuck on the grieving process and blaming myself..but shhit this is not going to help my depression.
Thanks Junkie for the words. Pretty much the same scenario..everyone else felt he wil get better but at the start I knew it was bad..they took chunks of his cerebellum out, all the dead tissue, but I'm hoping..