hey guys I need some help im a long time creeper and not much of a poster so I guess, hey i have been having really bad insecurity and jealousy issues with my boyfriend and i am just looking for ways to get over it, I don't want it to ruin our relationship. we broke up for a bit because we fought so much and I don't want things to be like they used to. i am not an ugly girl, and i didn't use to be this way it's just with all our history we have but i can not deal with him checking other girls it makes me so insecure and jealous. porn used to drive me insane but its getting better. i understand these are natural guy habits, though! so I'm just looking to hear how other girls deal with or if you guys have ways for me to not let it bother me.
Holy shit your exactly like my girlfriend. She's so jealous to the point it's unbearable and it's because of her insecurities too
Well it depends on the situation. I once had a boyfriend who would openly check out/flirt with/state his interest in other girls ("I would totally fuck her if I could") right in front of my face, he was an asshole and I felt like I was the one who needed to get over it, when in reality I just needed to find a man who wasn't so disrespectful. If it's just him discreetly looking at other girls though, then whatever. Get over it. He's with you, you're the one that gets to sleep with him, he's the one that gets to sleep with you. It might never mean that he won't ever find other women attractive, but there's also a serious difference between finding a woman attractive and actually enjoying someones company enough to want to spend a lot of time with them. Apparently you're much more than just "eyecandy" for him, so don't worry about him stealing a glance at other women.
meh. as a chick myself, i've learned that jealousy doesn't bring a guy closer, it pushes him away. if a shitty feeling isn't helping a situation and is only making it worse, then, uh, hello... get over it. logic. its okay to be insecure/jealous. it happens to the best of us when we really care about someone. however, its not okay to take your jealousy out on your partner. you can only be jealous of nothing for so long before it becomes something, so.. stop. it isnt fixing anything. you can cry about how its harder than it sounds, yada yada, but it isnt. think about it this way: if you are thinking of cheating on someone who trusts you, treats you well, and is a rational being with rational feelings... why wouldn't you cheat on someone who accuses you of shit you haven't done, and acts like an irrational crazy bitch? from my point of view, the second is much more likely than the first. you shouldn't sabotage your chances with this guy if you really love him, you should do your best to make him happy so that you're someone he wants in his life. just like you wouldn't worry about an asteroid randomly striking you over the head, you shouldn't freak out over things that haven't even happened yet because sometimes all that does is make it more likely.
Same story here. My ex was a total asshole but I luckily found a great guy who has stuck with me for a soon to be 3 years.
if you're already fighting and broke up before, just end it for good. no sense putting yourself in an unhealthy cycle if it's clear that things aren't working out
Sounds like you don't trust him? He probably gives you reason to feel that way if he's being a jerk and checking out girls in front of you so you can see it, if he does that knowingly that you see him and doesn't care, he's probably got a shitty character about him. I'd say just find someone else, then again, i'd say those are very little things and if it causes you to feel insecure in your relationship and starts fights that are about trust and larger things, then i'd say you have a real problem. Talk to him about respecting you and tell him you don't trust him, tell him why, and see what he has to say. But those little things aren't really worth getting into a huge fight and ruining a relationship. If you don't trust him, i'm sure you feel like he'd do worse things, or act on his impulses. Like if he'd be hanging out with a girl, and she got close to him, do you think he'd back away? Is this guy worth being with if the answer to that question is a no? Talk to him, and if he doesn't want to talk then give him that ultimatum and leave. Hope you end up being happy in the end of all this. Cheers.
In my experience, people Who prject their insecurities onto others typically fear in others what they see in themselves, ie, people afraid of being cheated on are cheaters, people afraid of being abandoned, abandon. Come to terms with how you feel and then find Compromise. If your man looks at girls, look at guys and let him know. A taste of his own medicine might make him see your point of view. Understand however, that we are biologically designed to procreate and you're up against thousands of years of evolution. That said, human beings can control themselves if trained properly. Lots of info there, hope I didn't confuse you in my own contradiction.
The best girlfriends are secure enough that they actually point out the hot chicks to us. Point out that gorgeous chick with the great ass, you know it doesn't matter because he's already got you. I hate fuckin ultimatums that's not what good relationships are built on, relationships are about compromise.
I went through this exact same thing with my current boyfriend, being irrational and jealous for essentially no reason. You just need to always remember that unless he gives you a reason to be jealous, there's no reason to be. Unless he's out flirting with other girls, or constantly checking them out in front of you and making comments about them.. there's no reason to be. I don't want to make it sound that easy, because it's not. To everyone else that hasn't had these issues and is reading this, it seems so silly to feel this way (which I suppose it is) but it takes quite a while. I suggest being open with your boyfriend and saying you want to change this and tell him, sometimes you're gonna act so silly and he needs to know it may be a slow process, but you will get over it if your boyfriend isn't doing things that are beyond the norm. If he is understanding of this and can help you throughout the way (trying to tell you there's nothing to worry about and not getting extremely frustrated with you), it will work and you will change this in the end. I believe it takes both you and him to work this out, if he's open to helping you with this so you can stop acting this way. Trust me, it sucks, but it'll end eventually.
Honestly I think it's healthy to show an interest in other people besides your GF/BF. If you really have a good relationship it shouldn't be a big deal if it's just harmless flirting. By making an issue of it you could just end up pushing them away. As long as you're totally available emotionally and sexually there shouldn't be a problem, and if there is maybe you aren't meant to be together anyways. Being controlling and prohibitive is never a good thing.
thanks guys! all of you helped my feelings in one way or another. i left out that the reason I have such strong insecurity and jealousy feelings is because in the past (about a year ago) he cheated on me. it was in the past and im over that but i guess those feelings still remain. it's just a feeling I'm gonna have to fight myself and become more confident
Oh, Well then the guy is a jerk.. If i were you i'd look for something new, you can't be telling yourself that this guy makes you as happy as anyone could. There's guys that will treat you like you should be treated, it sucks to hear that girls like you are treated with such disrespect..
Well you left out the most important detail. Trust is not something to be given lightly and very rarely in life is it given at all, so when someone breaks it, things need to change permanently or they will remain the same. I speak from experience. There's 7 billion human beings on earth. Unless this guy is abnormally special, I say don't waste your time. The fact that he's still looking means he doesn't respect you. I'm a guy, trust me. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You're his backup pussy and that's probably how he sees you, as a sexual release. It's why it's so easy for him to hurt you, because he knows you care and is exploiting those feelings. I could be wrong, as that's a lot to assume about a stranger, except human behavior is almost exactly the same everywhere, give or take a couple actions and dudes know what's up. My opinion/experience.^
Insecurities ruin relationships. Period, end of story. If you don't fix your insecurities the relationship won't last...trust. I was in the same position except I was the insecure one. He is with YOU for a reason. That doesn't mean he won't find other girls attractive. You still find other guys attractive....don't you? Every guy watches porn, in a relationship or not. In fact I sometimes watch porn with my gf to get new ideas. Nothing anyone says on here will make you more secure. You have to find it within yourself.
My bad, just read he cheated on you...disregard what I said. I wouldn't date him...if he did it once he can do it again. Unless he had a life changing experience or something he is still the same person he was a year ago.
